Psych Major Cheats on Girlfriend; Explains He “Required Novel Stimuli”
SexStudent Life November 9, 2023
Using his Walsh dorm as the testing grounds, Pist conducted a classic A/B test “to explore my reaction to novel stimuli in an intimate setting”.
Read more
Shrouded in the mystique of do-goodery and philanthropy, these “arrupites,” as The Classic calls them, greet hungry students with puppy eyes, outstretched palms, and wide open pockets. Arrupe is their name and greed is their game.
Read more
“‘STOP HE IS LITERALLY MY CUTIE PIE BOYFRIEND,’ interrupted a very angered Phile. ;Why won’t you let me be happy!'”
Read more
Man Wearing Shorts in November Shocked You Didn’t Ask if He’s Cold
Campus CultureFreezerStudent Life November 1, 2023
Donning 7-inch inseam chinos and the gifted polo he got from his internship at Liberty Mutual this summer, Larsson was expecting (and hoping) that at least one person would tell him he’s crazy for going out in 40-degree weather in shorts.
Read more
Spooky! My Life Sucks Because I Didn’t Send that Text Chain in Sixth Grade
Campus CultureSpooky October 26, 2023
“’It all started when I was twelve, after I ignored a chain text one of my so-called friends sent me. I should have known to take the ghoul’s curse seriously,’ Fortune told the Classic.”
Read more
SPOOKY: Your Boyfriend is a Little TOO Excited to be Ken
Campus CultureHolidaysSpooky October 25, 2023
Halloweekend is almost here, an exciting weekend filled with binge-drinking, slutty little costumes, and an excuse to post yet another photo dump of you and your eight-man on your Instagram! This is also a great weekend to hard-launch your boyfriend of three days with a couples costume, which is exactly what B. Eared (CSON ‘26) is planning on doing with the love of her life, Klaus Ette (MCAS ‘26).
Read more
BC’s Legal Lineup: Predictions for Who’s Diving into the Swim & Dive Legal Battle
Big IssuesCampus CultureSex October 21, 2023
After getting a team suspension due to hazing, BC Swim & Dive is lawyered up and ready for action. As BC prepares to defend itself, the Classic has acquired a leaked list of finalists for Boston College’s representatives in the legal battle with Swim & Dive.
Read more
BC Alcohol Compliance Officer Ranked First in Jobs That Will Definitely Get You Laid
Big IssuesCampus CultureDrinkingSex October 18, 2023
U.S. News posted the rankings this past week with The New England Classic Staff Writer and Monster Truck Driver coming in positions two and three, respectively. Both of those positions pull more sexual partners than all other jobs with the exception of Alcohol Compliance Officer.
Read more
Lululemon Girl After Learning About Pontius Pilate: “OMG He Created Pilates?”
SchoolStudent Life October 17, 2023
Lege’s comment sent concerned looks around the classroom, reminding everyone that even the most fashion-conscious among us can sometimes be the least history-savvy.
Read moreThe 10-Year Plan now calls for BC to level the Mods and build eight more Carneys in their place.
Read more