Barack Obama Added As Introductory Commencement Speaker
School April 16, 2025
Although students have already been buzzing about the thought of Dale Louie Richard’s wise and inspiring words, this short introductory speech will surely add a wonderful preface and act as a nice cherry on top.
Read moreMan Cooks Up ALC Showdown Parlay Following Tragic March Madness Bracket Loss
Campus CultureSchoolStudent Life April 11, 2025
However, once he realized his mistake and discussed the issue with the boys (many of whom had made the same mistake) Swatcher realized that he could use the event to quench his thirst for competition and fuel his ever-present gambling addiction.
Read more“Just then, he realized his grave mistake. He had applied and been accepted into CSON — The Connell School of Nursing, not CSOM — The Carroll School of Management. “
Read more“We didn’t even really do anything that bad, but I guess it was important to say something ahead of these St. Patty’s [sic] Day shenanigans,” read their attempt at an apology. “Sure, we might’ve reduced their discipline to a wee minor, bastardized their entire language, and deliberately poisoned all potatoes in their breakroom, but can I get a sláyyy-ante?!”
Read moreAwkward! Pre-Law Student’s Only Job Experience Is Representing Himself In Court
SchoolStudent Life February 27, 2025
Spictor had gained a reputation on campus for his argumentative prowess and for wearing a tie that was tied like shoelaces. He’s played the devil’s advocate in nearly every class discussion he’s been in.
Read moreFr. Butler Clarifies Last Name Not Due To Affinity For Service But Elitist Beliefs
Big IssuesSchool February 20, 2025
As Butler expounded on his life story, his motivations became clear. In kindergarten he was helping hold silver spoons in the mouths of trust fund kids, writing Santa to ask him to give his gift allotment to ExxonMobil, and drafting petitions in Sunday School asking the Pope to request a class system in Heaven.
Read moreAs DEI Initiatives Unravel, BC Adds More Stairs
Big IssuesSchoolWTF February 7, 2025
“When there were ramps and stuff, it was such a challenge,” recalled Meath Ed (CSOM ’27), “it doesn’t really make sense how they work. Like how do I go up when there’s not a platform for me to step on?”
Read moreTrump To Rename Stokes Lawn “Lawn of America”
Big IssuesSchool January 23, 2025
However, when cruising across the lawn, Trump was appalled with the fact that Boston College, a school with so many of his supporters, would name such a pillar of campus after the wretched pursuit of liberal arts.
Read moreEvery Gated Community In NY Represented In “Diverse” Class Discussion
Big IssuesCampus CultureSchool October 10, 2024
“What makes us different is what makes us special,” said Shell Turd (CSOM ’28). “I’ve met people from all over the place. I’ve met kids from Oakwood Heights, Pinebridge Estates, Elmton Ranch, and even Maplesden Village all the way out in Westchester!”
Read moreFuck! Student Who Never Does The Readings Just Made A Better Point Than You
Campus CultureSchool September 24, 2024
“Coe Stir (MCAS ’25) somehow delivered a profound and easily understandable analysis of Hobbesian political theory, despite clearly having no idea what was going on.”
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