The New England Classic
Records Reveal Boston College Has Paid $0 In Income Tax For 150 Years
LINDEN LANE — Owing to an anonymous source, The Classic has obtained Boston College’s tax records dating back to the early 1870s, giving the clearest picture of the University’s finances to date and revealing centuries of chronic tax evasion and seemingly complete impunity from the United States’ tax code.... Read more
Top Ten Campus Spots To Cover Your Little Head And Submit To The Infinite Sadness
Wondering where you can just let the waterworks flow at Boston College? Are you a first-year student who has yet to burst into tears in public? Are you a returning Eagle in need of a new sob spot? Does the crushing weight of your inherited, generational misery weigh upon... Read more
LTE: I Am The Tiny Door Into Eagles, And There Is No Escape
I should have been an emergency fire exit in Higgins, or a reflection room door on Newton campus. A sane man would have put me anywhere else. Instead, I am the Super Tiny Door Into Eagles.  The tastiest licks in all of BC lie behind my hinges: soup with... Read more
O’Neill Answer Wall Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s
ST. ELIZABETH’S HOSPITAL — Following months of intensive consultations, representatives of the Thomas P. O’Neill estate announced on Monday that the famed O’Neill Library Answer Wall, which has been candidly answering anonymous questions since 2017, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. “We were deeply saddened when we received the... Read more
Falling Hydro Flask Most Outspoken Member Of Lecture
MCGUINN HALL —  In Tuesday’s Globalization II lecture, a 32-oz Hydro Flask officially became the class’s most outspoken participant when it toppled off a desk and hit the ground with a “CLANK!” that echoed throughout the room. The Hydro Flask, belonging to Linda Pound (MCAS ’21), reportedly was the... Read more
Future Doctor Has No Qualms About Peeing On Toilet Seat
RADNOR ROAD — Sources have confirmed that Colin Egesta (MCAS ’21), who is on the pre-med track and intends to pursue a career as a doctor, doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he habitually pees on the toilet seat. Egesta’s housemates told The Classic that, although he... Read more
8 Things UGBC Candidates Aren’t Talking About
With UGBC presidential elections coming up fast, the candidates have still not addressed the questions that we really care about, so we’ve compiled this list of topics and questions that we think the candidates have egregiously overlooked. 1) The destruction of the Meatball Obsession Stand. A year later, we... Read more
New Children’s Book Space Opens in O’Neill for CSOM Students
O’NEILL LIBRARY — Boston College Libraries introduced a new space for students in the Carroll School of Management in which they can peruse children’s books on days when they don’t have homework, which is most days. The new room on the fifth floor of the library, called the Profit... Read more
Professor Asks For Name, Major, And Scopa Tu Manaa

“Like, not to Bomboclaat, but she looks like how I feel about dropping this class.” 

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Academic Advising: “UIS Had Darkmode First”
STOKES S140 — After learning few weeks too late that “dark mode” is now a popular smartphone feature, head of the Academic Advising, John Dunderhead, MCAS ’82, officially scrapped all plans to revamp UIS. Rumors of converting UIS into a more user-friendly platform have been heard around campus, but... Read more