The New England Classic
Student Has Sinking Suspicion No One Really Cares How Her Summer Was
LOWER LIVE — Munching on a full plate of questionable eggs and home fries, junior Samantha O’Gallison reportedly began to wonder whether or not all of her classmates actually cared how her summer was. Sources close to O’Gallison believe she fears the vast majority of people who have asked... Read more
Freshman Perspectives Class Rescued From Plato’s Cave
CHESTNUT HILL — Late Thursday evening, Boston College officials announced that members of Professor Stephen Brown’s Perspectives class were finally rescued from Plato’s Cave, where they had been trapped since the middle of fall semester. The then-freshmen became stuck in the cave in early November 2017, when the class began... Read more
Sophomore Wonders: ‘How Loud Do I Need To Sigh In O’Neill For People To Know I’m Pre-Med?’
O’NEILL LIBRARY — After a particularly exhausting day of classes and labs (which are like classes but longer and even more difficult), pre-med student Charlotte Richards (MCAS ’20) retired to the fourth floor of O’Neill hoping for nothing but a little sympathy. Though everyone in her vicinity seemed to be... Read more
Help! Scott From HQ Is Proctoring My Exam!
DEVLIN 008 — Students in Professor James Gallagher’s Globalization II class were met with confusion on Monday when a man that looked like a stretched-out mannequin of a leprechaun stood at the front of the room and proceeded to proctor their open note midterm exam. After the 9 AM... Read more
New Classes For Street-Smart Students To Be Held On Comm Ave.
COMMONWEALTH AVE. — The Office of the University Core announced Thursday that Boston College students would soon have the opportunity to enroll in courses taught directly on Commonwealth Avenue. The classes, held in the middle of Boston’s beltway during rush hour, signals a key step in the University’s efforts to... Read more
Peer Reviewer’s Essay Fucking Sucks
STOKES NORTH — First Year Writing Seminar is a special part of every Eagle’s freshman year at BC. Around midterm season, things started to get intense for local freshman, Barry Portabella (MCAS ‘21), whose assigned peer reviewer for his rhetoric essay apparently “fucking sucks” at writing. Portabella has been... Read more
Tragic: Student Finished With Midterms Has Nothing Left To Rant About
MAIN CAMPUS — After two weeks of pure exam-fueled hell, Arnold Wilson (MCAS ‘20) has declared he has nothing left to complain about. The announcement follows his completion of the Principles of Microeconomics midterm exam, the last in a string of horrific assessments. Friends of Wilson have made their... Read more
Professor Struggling To Find Anything To Agree With In Student’s Response
DEVLIN HALL — On Tuesday, students in the 10:30 AM section of Europe in the World looked on helplessly as Henry van Cumberbund (CSOM ‘20) provided what may have been the absolute worst possible answer to a question about the causes of World War II. After Professor Laura Bourke... Read more
4 Students Die Of Dysentery On Journey For Empty Classroom To Study In
STOKES SOUTH — Tragedy struck a group of 4 Boston College sophomores this afternoon, who all died of dysentery on the long and arduous journey in search of an empty classroom for their group to study in. The group set out on their quest with nothing but their books... Read more
Professor With Doctorate Can’t Rotate PDF Documents
BOSTONCOLLEGE.INSTRUCTURE.COM — Uploading documents to her class’ Canvas page, Professor Sheela McGuire, could not figure out how to rotate the PDF documents of readings she assigned her Gender & Sexuality class to do. As a result, the frustrated professor reportedly uploaded the documents sideways. “Uhh… my students should be... Read more