The New England Classic
Trump To Rename Stokes Lawn “Lawn of America”

However, when cruising across the lawn, Trump was appalled with the fact that Boston College, a school with so many of his supporters, would name such a pillar of campus after the wretched pursuit of liberal arts.

Read more
Every Gated Community In NY Represented In “Diverse” Class Discussion

“What makes us different is what makes us special,” said Shell Turd (CSOM ’28). “I’ve met people from all over the place. I’ve met kids from Oakwood Heights, Pinebridge Estates, Elmton Ranch, and even Maplesden Village all the way out in Westchester!”

Read more
Fuck! Student Who Never Does The Readings Just Made A Better Point Than You

“Coe Stir (MCAS ’25) somehow delivered a profound and easily understandable analysis of Hobbesian political theory, despite clearly having no idea what was going on.”

Read more
Girl Is Pregnant, According To Spanish Class Oral Exam

Barazado was seen with a dewy, jovial glow about her as she left Stokes Hall, a clear sign of pregnancy and definitely not the Drunk Elephant bronzing drops she steals from her roommate sometimes when she feels pale. 

Read more
BC Raises Cost Of Attendance  To 88k, Fifty Cattle, Pound Of  Gold, Firstborn Son

“‘Bounties that must be paid to the University starting next year include fifty of a student’s finest cows, one pound of pure gold, the hearts of four Boston University students, the deed to a Cape Cod beach house, a left kidney, and a one-page supplemental essay assuring Father Leahy that he is doing a great job'”

Read more
Professors Replaced By Kiosks

“‘We thought it might be best to start rolling out our kiosk professors in the most straightforward discipline. Things like finance might be too difficult for a robot to explain, but things like the meaning of life, or the existence of God, felt like the right alley to try this out,’ noted representatives from the administration.”

Read more
Lululemon Girl After Learning About Pontius Pilate: “OMG He Created Pilates?”

Lege’s comment sent concerned looks around the classroom, reminding everyone that even the most fashion-conscious among us can sometimes be the least history-savvy.

Read more
Uh Oh! This Born And Raised New Yorker Is About To Tell The Class What They Think Of The South…

‘Once I graduate, I have full intention of moving to the true mixing pot of America: Brooklyn, NY. I’ve never been anywhere near the Mason-Dixon Line, and I have no intention of coming close to it, or the poverty line while I’m at it.’

Read more
“Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion”: How One Confused CSOM Student Thought He Took A Foreign Language Class

It wasn’t until further into the class that he heard the word “equity” and felt safe once again as he believed he was back in the magical land of finance. 

Read more
Student Awakes From Late-Afternoon Nap, Immediately Prepares for Early-Evening Nap

“A nap helps me stay motivated,” said Restful, already fluffing her pillow. “It gets me ready to get down to business and pump out some assignments.” Opening her laptop, Restful proceeded to spend a half-hour on Instagram before closing her laptop again. “I definitely couldn’t do without it.”

Read more