School Archives | The New England Classic

Student With Banking Return Offer Brags About Not Studying Anymore

School Student Life March 19, 2026

Though Peemorgan’s post-graduate schedule will involve mergers and acquisitions in New York, he felt there was no better way to cap off his holistic Boston College experience than to enroll in a 4000-level history elective for “shits and gigs.”

Engineering Males Rejoice At New City Micro Peenery Announcement

Campus Culture School Student Life March 3, 2026

In their infamous Discord server, Human Centered Engineering students have repeatedly shared the Micro Peenery’s application link. Perhaps they can work at the Micro Peenery before applying for an internship at America’s favorite SDE firm, Lockheed Martin.

Chat-GPT, Please Summarize My Environmental Ethics Readings

School February 18, 2026

Malkingdom explained to the Classic that her “stupid fucking idiotic ethics class assigns like 30 pages per week of reading” and “legit the only way to survive the class is by using AI, sorry not sorry.” Despite the environmental harms of AI–water use, toxic electronic waste, and fossil fuel use–Malkingdom cited the harms to herself if she did all the readings: not being able to go to Barcelona on Thursday, less time snapping her huzz Tim, and neglecting her homework for other more important classes like Introduction to Hamilton the American Musical.

WASP Infestation In The Theology Department: Boston College Catholics Are Stung

Big Issues School November 14, 2025

It all started when the Morrissey College of Arts and Sciences decided to implement a new diversity, equity, and inclusion policy that mandated hiring one staff member who crosses their arms over their chest during communion each academic year.

Spooky! Your Situationship Wants To Do A Couples Costume

Campus Culture Holidays School Student Life October 30, 2025

As students across BC College’s campus prepare their scariest costumes for Halloween, some are in for a spookier time than others. Any bachelor will tell you that few possibilities fuel their nightmares like the idea of defining a relationship.

Eagle Escort Now Offering Complimentary Catcalling Services

Campus Culture School Student Life WTF October 2, 2025

Previously only used as a transportation service for injured or otherwise disabled students on campus, Eagle Escort will now be offering what BCPD is calling “mobile mood boosters.”

Male Enrollment In Stats Spikes After Professor Differentiates Between Mean and Median Saying “Size Doesn’t Matter”

School Sex September 15, 2025

Dik paused to pop a Zyn and recount his professor, “She was gettin’ into the nitty gritty of mean and median, when she clarified that the magnitude in median was bull, and the magic was in personality and like humor and shi. I resonated with that, so I took it to my bois and the rest is history.”

Barack Obama Added As Introductory Commencement Speaker

School April 16, 2025

Although students have already been buzzing about the thought of Dale Louie Richard’s wise and inspiring words, this short introductory speech will surely add a wonderful preface and act as a nice cherry on top.

Man Cooks Up ALC Showdown Parlay Following Tragic March Madness Bracket Loss

Campus Culture School Student Life April 11, 2025

However, once he realized his mistake and discussed the issue with the boys (many of whom had made the same mistake) Swatcher realized that he could use the event to quench his thirst for competition and fuel his ever-present gambling addiction.

“I Thought The Business School Was Male-Dominated,” Says Class Of 2029 Freshman Enrolled In CSON

Freshmen School March 27, 2025

“Just then, he realized his grave mistake. He had applied and been accepted into CSON — The Connell School of Nursing, not CSOM — The Carroll School of Management. “