School Archives | The New England Classic

Physics Major Asks Lab Partner To “Torque” On It

Campus Culture School Student Life October 23, 2026

HIGGINS HALL — While most U.S. women are looking for “a man in finance, trust fund, 6’5, blue eyes,” recent polling shows Boston College women have completely flipped this CSOM-centered narrative. In a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, a majority of BC women indicated they were most... Read more

Elementary Education Major Mistakes Plato Seminar For Play-Doh Seminar

School October 14, 2026

When The New England Classic asked Inez Fant (LSEHD ’27) about her decision to join the class, she excitedly reported that she, “could not wait to get working with her hands,” and that “the blue and green kinds are by far [her] favorite.” Fant failed to mention any of Plato’s actual writings, but did talk about using puppets, which is perhaps an allusion to “The Allegory of the Cave.”

Student With Victim Complex Enrolls In Victimology, Expects An Easy A

Big Issues School September 9, 2026

Whether it be an interest in criminal behavior or a handcuff kink that initially draws students to the class, most students hope to leave Ann Burgess’ course with a new perspective on deviance.

Student With Banking Return Offer Brags About Not Studying Anymore

School Student Life March 19, 2026

Though Peemorgan’s post-graduate schedule will involve mergers and acquisitions in New York, he felt there was no better way to cap off his holistic Boston College experience than to enroll in a 4000-level history elective for “shits and gigs.”

Engineering Males Rejoice At New City Micro Peenery Announcement

Campus Culture School Student Life March 3, 2026

In their infamous Discord server, Human Centered Engineering students have repeatedly shared the Micro Peenery’s application link. Perhaps they can work at the Micro Peenery before applying for an internship at America’s favorite SDE firm, Lockheed Martin.

Chat-GPT, Please Summarize My Environmental Ethics Readings

School February 18, 2026

Malkingdom explained to the Classic that her “stupid fucking idiotic ethics class assigns like 30 pages per week of reading” and “legit the only way to survive the class is by using AI, sorry not sorry.” Despite the environmental harms of AI–water use, toxic electronic waste, and fossil fuel use–Malkingdom cited the harms to herself if she did all the readings: not being able to go to Barcelona on Thursday, less time snapping her huzz Tim, and neglecting her homework for other more important classes like Introduction to Hamilton the American Musical.

WASP Infestation In The Theology Department: Boston College Catholics Are Stung

Big Issues School November 14, 2025

It all started when the Morrissey College of Arts and Sciences decided to implement a new diversity, equity, and inclusion policy that mandated hiring one staff member who crosses their arms over their chest during communion each academic year.

Spooky! Your Situationship Wants To Do A Couples Costume

Campus Culture Holidays School Student Life October 30, 2025

As students across BC College’s campus prepare their scariest costumes for Halloween, some are in for a spookier time than others. Any bachelor will tell you that few possibilities fuel their nightmares like the idea of defining a relationship.

Eagle Escort Now Offering Complimentary Catcalling Services

Campus Culture School Student Life WTF October 2, 2025

Previously only used as a transportation service for injured or otherwise disabled students on campus, Eagle Escort will now be offering what BCPD is calling “mobile mood boosters.”

Male Enrollment In Stats Spikes After Professor Differentiates Between Mean and Median Saying “Size Doesn’t Matter”

School Sex September 15, 2025

Dik paused to pop a Zyn and recount his professor, “She was gettin’ into the nitty gritty of mean and median, when she clarified that the magnitude in median was bull, and the magic was in personality and like humor and shi. I resonated with that, so I took it to my bois and the rest is history.”