“Once a man of God, now a God of love. This prim and proper priest who has spent the majority of his life being a figurehead at Boston College is ready to trade that position for a more pleasurable one”
Read more
BC Builds Outdoor Venue For Stoning Sinners And Heretics
Campus CultureJesuitsLeahyStudent Life September 27, 2023
“I’ve seen this campus descend into moral depravity and sin over my career and it’s time we enhanced the judicial processes outlined in the Student Code of Conduct,” said Fr. Leahy. “We need to go back to the good old days when people doing bad things didn’t go through a long systematic trial, and we just stoned them to death. This outdoor venue is exactly for that.”
Read more
8-Man Gives Up Slurs For Lent
Campus CultureJesuits February 22, 2023
“We just thought, you know, this was the year to really take our faith seriously,” said Big Ette (CSOM ’25). “So, yeah, we’re Catholic and proud and we aren’t saying ANY slurs except the f-slur out of devotion to our faith.”
Read more
“It is I, William P. Leahy, and I am now announcing my successor to you few snooping reporters. My successor is none other than…” he paused to raise the already scalding levels of suspense. “Me!”
Read more
Kyle Backs Out Of Stokes Set And Is Replaced By Father John Misty, Angering BC Jesuits
Campus CultureJesuits September 16, 2022
With song titles like “Fun Times in Babylon,” “God’s Favorite Customer,” and “Holy Shit,” it is easy to see how Administration was fooled, though a quick Google search would have shown that Misty has a history of openly criticizing Christianity. Fr. Leahy added, “When I looked him up on the computer, I started crying.”
Read more
Pontius Pilate: Slay Or Nay?
Campus CultureJesuits April 15, 2022
“I don’t know the significance of the stuff. Everyone has the right to practice what they want, but golly, I just want to lick my thumb and shine them up just like my Bubbe used to do.”
Read more
Father Leahy supposedly told the senior staff assembled that he would “not let it look like we’re copying those Ivy League fucks,” his frock crumbling with disdain as if it were flustered as well.
Read more
“I didn’t end up having the virus, but just like the Four Loko, that shit cleaned me out. Lots of stuff resurfaced—turns out Jesus and I have a couple of things in common, like mad daddy issues.”
Read more
Though many would have been distressed over the prospect of a job search during the pandemic, Atheist was grateful for the chance to return to his born surname.
Read more