The New England Classic
“4 Years Flew By” Says Senior Who Blacks Out 3x A Week
UNCONSCIOUSNESS — With the school year coming to a close, the BC Class of 2024 has been reminiscing about their college experience. As they think about all the nights in Bapst, all the TikToks they watched instead of studying in Bapst, all the shameful walk homes from Bapst, they... Read more
Slimers Stuns at Green Careers Night

“In a shock to all, Slimer, the Mean Green Ghost from Ghostbusters, slithered into Gasson 100 to stun the Green employers and alumni.”

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Barrel of Oil To Replace Baldwin As BC Mascot
ST. EXXON CHAPEL– BC University Spokesman Jack Dunn issued a statement on Friday announcing the historic mascot change: Baldwin the Eagle will be replaced with Barry the Oil Barrel, with the university rebranding their students’ moniker from the well-known “Eagles” to the new and more provocative “Barrels.” “We hope... Read more
Conte Skate Turns Into The 78th Annual Hunger Games
CONTE FORUM — Last night, Boston College packed Conte once more. This time, however, it wasn’t Will Smith on the ice, no sir, it was the normal, worthless students. Conte Skate was back! But something was wrong – the Nut was packed and it became apparent that there simply... Read more
Visiting The Only Chipotle In Your Country And Other Ways To Make Yourself Feel At Home While Abroad

“‘I missed home, I missed B.C., and I really, really missed the fiesta bowl from Addie’s,’ said Homsic.”

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7 Things We Found In Bill O’Brien’s Chin
YAWKEY ATHLETICS CENTER – The New England Classic would like to congratulate Bill O’Brien on becoming the Boston College Head Football Coach. He comes from a proud lineage of Boston College graduates and chasmic chin-bearers, sporting a flesh bib that even Jay Leno wants to steal. At O’Brien’s introductory... Read more
Freshman Failing Lit Core Claims Taylor Swift’s “The Tortured Poets Department” Is “Literally Her”

‘Well, Travis obviously inspired a lot on the album. I feel the same inspiration for my Insta stories from my boyfriend, Noah. He was a second string quarterback in high school, so… we get it.’

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LTE: I Don’t Think I Can Dance For 100 Days

“It has recently come to my attention that I, a humble Boston College senior, must begin a journey of a lifetime come nightfall. I unwittingly have signed myself up to dance for 100 days.”

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Uh-oh! My Guy Best Friend Says I Know His Crush “Really Well”

“After the dinner, Ian sent Olivia his daily ‘Goodnight Liv <3' message, and Olivia responded with her daily 'Night bud!'"

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“Let’s Get Dinner!” Says Mutual Who’s Low on Meal Plan Money and Wants to Rob You

According to Tumm, events worsened as they entered the dining hall. He recounted Buhr’s stacked plate of double chicken paired with two sides of fries, as well as a hefty amount of Core Powers. Buhr claimed it’s “bulking season.” Tumm felt baffled when they reached the register.

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