The New England Classic
Addazio Seen In Tears After Being Confused For Man In Mr. Potato Head Costume
YAWKEY ATHLETIC CENTER — Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio was reportedly seen crying late Saturday night outside the Yawkey Athletic Center after a mistaken passerby complimented the head coach on his “spot-on Mr. Potato Head costume,” despite the fact he was not wearing one. “I can’t believe... Read more
Spooky! My Girlfriend Must Be A Vampire Because She Keeps Leaving Bite Marks On My Roommate’s Neck
Halloween has always been a time of year filled with spooks, scares and surprises, but none have ever been quite as startling as this: my girlfriend of two years is a vampire.  I know it sounds strange, but there’s no other explanation. My suspicions started about a month ago... Read more
Addazio Camping Out In Pumpkin Patch To See Great Pumpkin, May Miss NC State Game
SCHULZ FARMS PUMPKIN PATCH — It was reported early Friday morning that Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio missed five consecutive practices this week, and may miss this Saturday’s matchup against NC State, after dedicating the entirety of his schedule to camping out in a nearby pumpkin patch... Read more
Columbus Attempts To Discover The Mods, Finds Walsh Instead
Christopher Columbus (University of Bologna ‘92) made a critical error this past Monday when he attempted to go to the Mods for a party but ended up at Walsh Hall instead. Columbus reportedly received word of multiple parties happening at the Mods and decided to head west in search... Read more
Senior “Fall Breakers” Outdo Your Fall Break Plans
PUNTA CANA — Matt Jones (CSOM ’20) and Sam Sullivan (CSOM ’20) broke out of the hiking and home visiting Fall Break norm this weekend and truly took advantage of their two full days off. The two flew down to Punta Cana this weekend to “relax on the beach... Read more
“Hey, How Was Your Brake?” Asks Guy Inquiring About Roommate’s Car Inspection
IGNACIO HALL—Jeff Lube (MCAS ’19) received some interesting information yesterday when he asked his roommate how his brake was after getting his car inspected. “It was pretty good, actually,” responded Gary Michaels-Croswell (CSOM ’19). “Oil needed to be changed and had to get a headlight replaced, but other than... Read more
Students Gear Up To Do Exact Same Thing With Exact Same People In Different Country
NOT BOSTON COLLEGE — While hustling and bustling around campus and cramming in last-minute studying for midterms, hundreds of Boston College students collectively expressed their excitement to spend their impending spring break doing the exact same things with the exact same people, but in a different country. Students have... Read more
CAB Holding Auditions For O’Neill Plaza Christmas Tree

This year’s contenders include Bjorn, a Norway spruce; Elrik, a Douglas fir; Gustav, a Lodgepole pine; and Alex (CSOM ‘19), a marketing major.

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Addazio Still Not Excused from Thanksgiving Dinner Table, May Miss Syracuse Game
THE ADDAZIO RESIDENCE – Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio may miss the team’s matchup against Syracuse after it was reported early Saturday morning that Addazio had still yet to be excused from Thursday’s Thanksgiving dinner table after refusing to eat the vegetables on his plate. While other... Read more
Philosophy Professor Blown Away By Students’ Enhanced Participation Today
TOKES HALL — Though discussions in Professor Robert Burnes-Dank’s Friday morning Perspectives class typically fall flat, today’s session ended on a rather high note. The entire class provided deep, burning, introspective thoughts surrounding Plato’s allegory of the cave. It was the most class participation Burnes-Dank had seen in his... Read more