The New England Classic
CAB Holding Auditions For O’Neill Plaza Christmas Tree

This year’s contenders include Bjorn, a Norway spruce; Elrik, a Douglas fir; Gustav, a Lodgepole pine; and Alex (CSOM ‘19), a marketing major.

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Addazio Still Not Excused from Thanksgiving Dinner Table, May Miss Syracuse Game
THE ADDAZIO RESIDENCE – Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio may miss the team’s matchup against Syracuse after it was reported early Saturday morning that Addazio had still yet to be excused from Thursday’s Thanksgiving dinner table after refusing to eat the vegetables on his plate. While other... Read more
Philosophy Professor Blown Away By Students’ Enhanced Participation Today
TOKES HALL — Though discussions in Professor Robert Burnes-Dank’s Friday morning Perspectives class typically fall flat, today’s session ended on a rather high note. The entire class provided deep, burning, introspective thoughts surrounding Plato’s allegory of the cave. It was the most class participation Burnes-Dank had seen in his... Read more
Sophomore Who Regularly Sleeps Through 11 AM Class Happily Wakes Up At 6 AM To Drink
WALSH HALL — Connor Fitzgerald, a local sophomore who regularly skips his 11:00 AM Globalization class, happily woke up yesterday at 6:00 AM in anticipation of Marathon Monday. “This is the earliest I’ve seen him awake all semester,” said roommate David Brady (LSOE ’20). “He literally never goes to... Read more
I’m Not Waking Up At 6 AM Tomorrow To Drink, I’m Waking Up Because This Recipe Takes 12 Hours In The Crockpot
Slow Cooker Baked Beans Total: 12 hr 15 min Active: 5 min Yield: 12 servings Ingredients 1 bag dried navy beans, soaked overnight One 6-ounce can tomato puree 1/2 cup brown sugar  1/4 cup molasses  1 tablespoon dry mustard  8 slices bacon, cut into 1-inch pieces  1 large onion,... Read more
Student ‘Really Needed’ This Snow Day After Taxing 24 Hours Back on Campus
SNOW CITY, USA — Becca Anders (MCAS ’20) was relieved to receive word late Monday night that Boston College would be closed on Tuesday, March 13th due to inclement weather. “I really needed this snow day,” Anders said to no one in particular. “I’ve been so stressed lately, and... Read more
Addazio Sends Himself Flowers, Chocolates For Valentine’s Day
ALUMNI STADIUM — While overseeing football practice today, head coach Steve Addazio received a special delivery of a dozen red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Although Addazio claimed the treats “must be from a secret admirer,” members of the team are certain that their coach purchased them... Read more
A True Patriot: This Professor Is Honoring JFK’s Memory By Cheating On His Wife
54 years ago this month, the course of world history was changed forever when President John F. Kennedy was cut down by an assassin’s bullet in Dallas, Texas. While more than half a century has passed since that tragic November morning, the memory of the charming, charismatic president lives... Read more
Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game
ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football... Read more
We Got High and Shouldn’t Have Written This Article
Well it looks like this is where we’ve ended up, you guys. “What happened?” we bet you’re all wondering. “How did they get here?” Well, maybe we got a little bit too high and shouldn’t have written this article. As you may know, today is April 20th, the counterculture... Read more