Holidays Archives | The New England Classic

BC Dining Unveils Thanksgiving Menu — “It’s Just Rice.” Hot

Campus Culture Holidays November 27, 2020

Much like this year’s forbidden Thanksgiving gatherings nationwide, dinner on The Heights will be bland, tough to swallow, and overwhelmingly white.

Five Things to Convert Your Friend’s Room Into After They Leave for Break

Campus Culture Holidays November 16, 2020

The number one request of all Boston College students from 2005-2019 has been more meat lockers available to undergrads.

Six Polite Ways To Get Your Roommates To Stop Listening To Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving

Campus Culture Holidays November 10, 2020

“Have your roommates already started listening to Christmas music? If you answered ‘yes’ or ‘possibly’ or ‘I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT ENOUGH TO READ THIS BECAUSE THAT CATCHY SNOWMISER/HEATMISER SONG FROM The Year Without a Santa Claus IS ALREADY STUCK IN MY HEAD,’ we have you covered with six polite ways to get your roommates to stop playing Christmas music so early.”

Spooky: Roommate Seriously Considering Sexy RBG Costume

Campus Culture Holidays Spooky October 30, 2020

WALSH HALL — Recent reports from multiple Walsh residents have confirmed that local roommate and VSCO girl Sarah Sleshinger was seriously considering a “sexy RBG” costume for this Halloween. The costume, consisting of only the little white collar-thing and a gavel in the shape of a penis, was purchased... Read more

Bapst Library Unveiled As A Spirit Halloween Store Following Renovation

Holidays Spooky October 20, 2020

LINDEN LANE — After months of ongoing construction, scaffolding was finally removed from the façade of the Bapst Library early this week, revealing that the library is now home to a Spirit Halloween store. The store’s arrival marked the official kickoff to Spooky Season for residents on the Heights.... Read more

“Don’t Travel During Columbus Day Weekend” Say Lochhead, Comeau From Helm Of The “Pinta”

Holidays WTF October 12, 2020

“Executive Vice President Michael Lochhead and Director of University Health Services Dr. Douglas Comeau were spotted by a source close to The Classic Early Monday morning, steering a replica version of Christopher Columbus’s Pinto on some sort of homage reenactment in the Caribbean Sea.”

Op-Ed: Valentine’s Day Is Over And So Is Premarital Sex

Holidays Opinion Sex February 17, 2020

February 14th, what a magical night. I bet you had a ton of fun having sex, huh? Bet you really enjoyed yourself. Think it’s so fun to disrespect the Lord? Yeah? Well guess what folks! Fuck time is OVER! That’s right, it’s time to hold hands and share one... Read more

Addazio Seen In Tears After Being Confused For Man In Mr. Potato Head Costume

Addazio Holidays Sports November 4, 2019

YAWKEY ATHLETIC CENTER — Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio was reportedly seen crying late Saturday night outside the Yawkey Athletic Center after a mistaken passerby complimented the head coach on his “spot-on Mr. Potato Head costume,” despite the fact he was not wearing one. “I can’t believe... Read more

Spooky! My Girlfriend Must Be A Vampire Because She Keeps Leaving Bite Marks On My Roommate’s Neck

Holidays Sex Spooky October 28, 2019

Halloween has always been a time of year filled with spooks, scares and surprises, but none have ever been quite as startling as this: my girlfriend of two years is a vampire. I know it sounds strange, but there’s no other explanation. My suspicions started about a month ago... Read more

Addazio Camping Out In Pumpkin Patch To See Great Pumpkin, May Miss NC State Game

Addazio Holidays October 18, 2019

SCHULZ FARMS PUMPKIN PATCH — It was reported early Friday morning that Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio missed five consecutive practices this week, and may miss this Saturday’s matchup against NC State, after dedicating the entirety of his schedule to camping out in a nearby pumpkin patch... Read more