The New England Classic
Professor Hosts Office Hours In Home On November 25th
CHESTNUT HILL ​​— Late last night, all freshmen enrolled in the famous first-year seminar entitled Courage to Know (UNCS 2201) received a Canvas notification from their professor, Cue T. Pie. The announcement stated that despite the reprieve from classes Wednesday-Friday, Professor Pie would be holding office hours in her... Read more
“We’re Totally Grabbing Lunch Over Break,” Say High School Friends Who Will Definitely Not Be Grabbing Lunch Over Break
NEEDHAM, MA  — As BC students flock home for Thanksgiving, the impending doom of being forced to reunite with highschool acquaintances has led many to adopt tactics of negotiation and diplomacy.  Anita Brake (MCAS ‘25), excitedly posted an obligatory “Goodbye Chestnut Hill, hello Needham” boomerang on her story to commemorate... Read more
Athlete Scoots Home For The Holidays Due To Surge In Flight Prices

However, after a stroke of inspiration while scooting to his finance class, Speedster has decided to do what no other Boston College Athlete has done: scoot on home for the holidays. “Yeah I mean this bad boy can get me to Playa Bowls and back, why can’t I scoot to Florida?”

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SPOOKY: Chocolate Bar To Hire Ghosts as Seasonal Employees
STOKES SOUTH — Due to a recent shortage in staffing, Stokes Hall’s beloved Chocolate Bar has been forced to shut down once again. Luckily for cacao- and caffeine-deprived students, BC Dining has announced a plan to dip into the largely unemployed ghost population present at Boston College. When asked about... Read more
SPOOKY! Casper Grew Up, and He’s Anti-Vaxx

Mr. Ghost began his presentation by calling the Pfizer vaccine “Commy Kool-Aid”, and global lockdowns “nothing more than an attempt to keep old guys like me off the streets.”

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Student Who Moved Home Just Now Realizing His Parents Got Divorced
WESTCHESTER COUNTY, N.Y. — Two full weeks after returning home for the semester, junior  Dan Nulment (CSOM ’22) has just now begun to realize that his parents may have ended their marriage at some point in the past three months.  “When my mom told me that Dad was ‘quarantining... Read more
Getting Festive: CAB Announces They Have Hidden A Bomb

“If the bomb is found and deactivated successfully, the student responsible will win a free personal training session at the Plex, along with a $20 Flat Breads gift card. If the device is not found, the scale of destruction could be incomprehensible. “

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Alarming: Hundreds of Students Would Rather Be In New Jersey

“At press time, hundreds of New Jerseryan students were queued up at the Newton Center Shell station, waiting for someone else to pump their gas.”

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BC Dining Unveils Thanksgiving Menu — “It’s Just Rice.”

Much like this year’s forbidden Thanksgiving gatherings nationwide, dinner on The Heights will be bland, tough to swallow, and overwhelmingly white. 

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Five Things to Convert Your Friend’s Room Into After They Leave for Break

The number one request of all Boston College students from 2005-2019 has been more meat lockers available to undergrads.

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