The New England Classic
SPOOKY: Your Boyfriend is a Little TOO Excited to be Ken

Halloweekend is almost here, an exciting weekend filled with binge-drinking, slutty little costumes, and an excuse to post yet another photo dump of you and your eight-man on your Instagram! This is also a great weekend to hard-launch your boyfriend of three days with a couples costume, which is exactly what B. Eared (CSON ‘26) is planning on doing with the love of her life, Klaus Ette (MCAS ‘26).

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BC’s Legal Lineup: Predictions for Who’s Diving into the Swim & Dive Legal Battle

After getting a team suspension due to hazing, BC Swim & Dive is lawyered up and ready for action. As BC prepares to defend itself,  the Classic has acquired a leaked list of finalists for Boston College’s representatives in the legal battle with Swim & Dive.

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BC Alcohol Compliance Officer Ranked First in Jobs That Will Definitely Get You Laid

U.S. News posted the rankings this past week with The New England Classic Staff Writer and Monster Truck Driver coming in positions two and three, respectively. Both of those positions pull more sexual partners than all other jobs with the exception of Alcohol Compliance Officer.

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Lululemon Girl After Learning About Pontius Pilate: “OMG He Created Pilates?”

Lege’s comment sent concerned looks around the classroom, reminding everyone that even the most fashion-conscious among us can sometimes be the least history-savvy.

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The 10-Year Plan now calls for BC to level the Mods and build eight more Carneys in their place. 

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BREAKING: The Most Narcissistic Person You know Just Launched A Podcast

“It just makes sense. Throughout the day, he records voice memos on his phone that he plays back at night to lull himself to sleep.” 

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A Crowded Newton Bus And 4 Other Places You NEED To End Your Situationship In

“It’s day 30 of my time here at BC, so I’d like to share my 5 favorite places to end things with the person who has made you incapable of feeling anything at all anymore.”

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BC’s Red Scare: Your RA Is A Communist

According to the students, the ruling class is Father Leahy and his cabal of money grubbing bourgeois aristocrats hell bent on reaping the benefits of the cheap labor of student employees.

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Golden Jesuit: Father Leahy Trades Collar for C*nd*ms

“Once a man of God, now a God of love. This prim and proper priest who has spent the majority of his life being a figurehead at Boston College is ready to trade that position for a more pleasurable one”

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“Broke” Roommate Packs For Fall Break Trip To Paris

“Somewhere in the Boston Logan Airport, a plane prepares for its departure to Paris tomorrow. On that plane will be your destitute cash-strapped roommate whose mom couldn’t even book her the Four Seasons in time. But that will be a problem for tomorrow.”

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