The New England Classic
OPINION: If My Roommate Doesn’t Stop Coughing I’m Going To Drop Out Of School

Sneeze in my mouth. I’d love that. But I absolutely cannot stand to hear my direct roommate smother her satanic coughs into her pillow anymore. I’m afraid she’s going to hack up one of her lungs in the middle of the night. 

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Campus VSCO Girls Successfully Unionize
O’NEILL PLAZA — Seeking a unified representative body and the right to collectively bargain with outside parties, Boston College’s VSCO community announced on Tuesday the successful filing and formation of a union under University oversight. Citing multiple cases of intellectual theft by a number of anonymous Boston College students,... Read more
Addazio Camping Out In Pumpkin Patch To See Great Pumpkin, May Miss NC State Game
SCHULZ FARMS PUMPKIN PATCH — It was reported early Friday morning that Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio missed five consecutive practices this week, and may miss this Saturday’s matchup against NC State, after dedicating the entirety of his schedule to camping out in a nearby pumpkin patch... Read more
Columbus Attempts To Discover The Mods, Finds Walsh Instead
Christopher Columbus (University of Bologna ‘92) made a critical error this past Monday when he attempted to go to the Mods for a party but ended up at Walsh Hall instead. Columbus reportedly received word of multiple parties happening at the Mods and decided to head west in search... Read more
Senior “Fall Breakers” Outdo Your Fall Break Plans
PUNTA CANA — Matt Jones (CSOM ’20) and Sam Sullivan (CSOM ’20) broke out of the hiking and home visiting Fall Break norm this weekend and truly took advantage of their two full days off. The two flew down to Punta Cana this weekend to “relax on the beach... Read more
Freshman Relieved To Discover Sex Is Banned In Campus Dorms
DUCHESNE EAST—After actually deciding to read the Boston College housing policy, Jack McElroy (MCAS ‘23) was elated to discover that sex is banned in campus dorms. The policy, which states that “sexual activity between or among members of the same or opposite sex is prohibited in the residence halls,”... Read more
REPORT: Sarah Went Apple Picking
Look for our print issue in December for more takes hot off the panini press. Read more
“Woah, It’s Windy,” Reports Entire Student Body
O’NEILL QUAD — Cries of “WoOOoOaaAAAaahh wiiIInnnNdDDyyYy!!” were heard all across campus today, after the head weatherman confirmed the suspicions of BC’s budding meteorologists: today was a windy day. Wendy Dei (CSOM ’22) was one of the first students to notice this gusty phenomenon. She gave Classic reporters her... Read more
Freshman ELP Member Shocked To Learn She Might Actually Have To Make Other Friends
MCELROY COMMONS — On Friday afternoon, Maddie Wilson (MCAS ’23) forced to come to terms that the Emerging Leader Program (ELP) might not have provided her with the friendships she hoped it would. After spending two full hours waiting for someone to respond to the lunch invite she sent... Read more
BC Bookstore Announces Jerry York Coffin Collection
McELROY COMMONS — Capitalizing on the success of the Martin Jarmond clothing collection, the Boston College Bookstore unveiled its new “Jerry York Coffins” earlier this week.  When asked for comment, Bookstore officials said the move was a no-brainer. “We know what the BC community wants,” said Bookstore manager William... Read more