The New England Classic
SPOOKY: Ghosts Forced To Find New Haunts Because Of Guest Policy Crackdown
GONZAGA HALL — While most BC students have been enjoying the newfound freedom of the lenient guest policies this year, one unlucky group of guys and ghouls pushed the boundaries too far this past weekend. Resident Gonzaga ghosts Larry B. Scary and Vincent Van Ghost were haunting the halls as... Read more
SPOOKY: Turtleneck Hides Vampire Bite

The outbreak began a few weeks ago with the beginning of the new lunar cycle, according to supernatural scholars. “We are very concerned by these latest developments,” said Fr. Donald Callahan. “While the number of infected students is still relatively low, that is more of a sign of the lack of virgins on campus, which is equally troubling.”

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Wait, Do You Guys Actually All Have Fake IDs?

I thought fake ids were a myth – the type of thing you only see in Superbad. Like, it’s literally illegal. I’m a good kid. Sure, I like a good underage drink once in a while but identity theft?!

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Satan Visited Campus Today, And Yup, It Was Awesome

“Yep. It was awesome,“ said Tugger Moatroder (MCAS ’23).

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Sophomore Goes on Retreat for Three Months to Six Years

“Many students have reported rigorous fingerprinting procedures and are supposedly required to have a session with a Boston-based criminal defense attorney.”

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Circle Tavern “Edgar Allan Poe Night” Offers Chains, Wine, And Cement Special
THE CIRCLE TAVERN – Upperclassmen perusing Herrd last week were elated to see an advertisement from the Circle Tavern at the top of their page. Thursday’s “Chains, Wine, and Cement Special” drew students in with promises of giveaways, discounted appetizers, and a sampling of a rare drink known only... Read more
Jerry York Really Just 1300 Peppermint Patties In A Human Suit

Some staff members have been arguing that being made of chocolate makes you unqualified to coach a premier Division I hockey program, yet the players seem to be attracted to his unique method.

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Uh Oh: Typo on CAB Email Changes “Boo Bags” to “Boob Bags”

“I don’t know how anyone could think that a campus-sponsored group would be handing out nude centerfolds to teenage boys.”

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BC Postpones Divestment To Give World Time To Forget Harvard Did It First

Father Leahy supposedly told the senior staff assembled that he would “not let it look like we’re copying those Ivy League fucks,” his frock crumbling with disdain as if it were flustered as well. 

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BC Marble Spillers And Banana Peelers Club Banned From Marathon
CARNEY HALL—While BC is renowned for uplifting and celebrating its student clubs, OSI has placed restrictions on the “Marble Spillers and Banana Peelers” club. From Sunday, 7 P.M. to Monday, 7 P.M., members of the club are not allowed within 20 feet of Commonwealth Avenue. “It’s a safety risk,”... Read more