The New England Classic
Bookstore Sends Official Statement On 1919 Anglo-Irish War, Also A 25% Off Coupon On A Hat
BOSTON COLLEGE BOOKSTORE — This week, the Boston College Bookstore broke a longstanding precedent of apolitical neutrality when they released an official statement on the clash between Irish Republicans and the British Government, which ended nearly 100 years ago, in their routine email blast to the student body. The... Read more
LTE: The Rat Can Still Be A Bar If You Day Drink There
I’ve heard about the glory days of 1978, when The Rat was the most bodacious, tubular joint in town to shake your thing and meet some bitchin’ lads and ladies. Legend says the drinking age was 18, that light beer flowed as though a gift from the gods, and... Read more
Cancel Culture Comes For Baldwin’s Big Naturals

“Sadly, it has come to my attention that Baldwin’s voluptuous, feathery bazongas have become the subject of criticism,”  Leahy said. “I just want to remind students that acknowledging the positive social and spiritual impact of our mascot’s humongous honkers is a key component to being men and women for others.”

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Uh Oh: Coworker Who Seemed Cool Owns A Ton Of Mickey Mouse Shit

“I didn’t think too much of it when he said we were ‘about to be transported to the Most Magical Place on Earth,’ but then he pulled out this Mickey Mouse-shaped bong. Where the hell did he even get that?”

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Classmate Clearly Zooming In From Florida This Week
MIAMI — In an effort to reduce the transmission of Covid-19, Boston College limited spring break to just one day this semester. While the University had hoped that this measure would prevent students from exposing themselves to the deadly virus while traveling, it appeared that one third-year accounting student... Read more
Positive Cases Continue To— Woah, I Just Had Crazy Déjà Vu

I was going to write an article about why coronavirus cases on campus are increasing at an alarming rate, but I was hit with a crazy sense of Déjà Vu in the middle of writing the headline.

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March Madness: Roommate Has Stage 3 Syphilis
WALSH HALL — Spring fever took on a whole new meaning Sunday when Michael Lennon (CSOM ’23) was diagnosed with tertiary syphilis by University Health Services. The news came after weeks of erratic behavior by Lennon that concerned his friends and peers.  Lennon initially disregarded his symptoms, writing off... Read more
5 Signs That Your Sorry Ass Got Dropped From The 8-Man

Sadly, much like Julius Caesar or Meghan Markle, many students are about to find themselves stabbed in the back by those they once called friends.

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Honey, I Shrunk Spring Break!
THE BONN STUDIO THEATRE — Every aspiring artist struggles with the elusive beast that is creativity. Where do great ideas come from? How do we wield them and shape them into fully formed movies, paintings, novels? These were exactly the questions going through Seymour Bush’s (MCAS ’21) mind as... Read more
Fr. Leahy To Offer Exorcisms To The Sick

“I didn’t end up having the virus, but just like the Four Loko, that shit cleaned me out. Lots of stuff resurfaced—turns out Jesus and I have a couple of things in common, like mad daddy issues.”

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