The New England Classic
WTF
Heroic ROTC Sophomore Won’t Stop Calling Going Abroad “Getting Deployed”

The Classic caught up with Tennant in his Vandy 8-man, or “HQ”, just one day after he learned of his placement at the University of Learnenschoolen in Switzerland.

Read more
Polyamorous Student Is Thrilled You Are Looking For An 8th
UPSIDE DOWN PINEAPPLE — Freshmen, yearning for a common room and non-communal bathroom, are looking for their perfect eight-man. Across campus and Fizz, these students are desperately searching for the final piece to their puzzle. However, at a roommate meet and greet last night, Polly A. Morris (MCAS ‘28)... Read more
After Beanpot Loss, Will Smith Now Only Says He “Went to School in Boston”

Shockingly, Smith, too, replied, “I also went to school in Boston too, but I dropped out! But it’s not the same school as Macklin!” seemingly embarrassed to associate himself with the biggest Beanpot chokers of the last decade and the dumbassery of a student section that held up a “BC SUCKS” flag.

Read more
As DEI Initiatives Unravel, BC Adds More Stairs

“When there were ramps and stuff, it was such a challenge,” recalled Meath Ed (CSOM ’27), “it doesn’t really make sense how they work. Like how do I go up when there’s not a platform for me to step on?”

Read more
“Wanna See My nephew?”: How Is This Freshman I Know Already An Uncle?

Instead, Uncle Brian will learn to rely on figures like hourglass, slim thick, and pear for the remainder of his collegiate years.

Read more
Holy Kaiju! Democrats Unveil Mecha Luther King Jr. Ahead Of Trump Inauguration

While it is unclear what kind of deal will be brokered between the US Government and King Ghidorah, conspiracy theories have gripped the nation about the impending Kaiju battle.

Read more
Freshman Who Read “Allegory Of The Cave” Insistent That He Is Too Old For Kids Table

He truly understands now that sometimes punching your friends in the balls as a joke is unjust, even if they deserve it.

Read more
Student Who Applied To Collage Confused Why No Classes Use Paper Mache

“Over the last 4 years, I’ve been telling my friends and family that I go Boston Collage”, Less said “They think I’ve dedicated 4 years to intensive experiential learning via multimedia digital and canvas storytelling. My parents are so proud of me, what the hell am I gonna tell them now? They spent almost $350,000 and all I have to show them is a bunch of essays and bluebooks filled with gibberish and buzzwords.”

Read more
Uh-oh! Turns Out We’re Playing A FAKE School In Hockey Tonight

When Purter called the school’s athletics office to confirm tonight’s lines, he was met with an answering machine looking for inquiries into the disappearance of D.B. Cooper.

Read more
Heartbreaking: We Had A Whole Slate Of Articles Set For This Week But The Associated Press Had To Go And Fuck All That Up

Editors at the Classic watched in horror as several unpublished articles, which we had poured hours of blood, sweat, and tears into, became old, shriveled, and no longer funny right before our very eyes.

Read more