The New England Classic
WTF
Rising Senior Suspiciously, Concerningly, Creepily Excited To Take Freshman Courses

For some, this means taking random extra classes just to fill their schedule. For others, like Phil Thee (CSOM ‘26), this means taking freshman core classes in their senior year.

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Phew! Pre-Med Man Has Some Advice For Your Period Cramps!

Plainer shared her appreciation: “I never would’ve thought to take Advil for my period. Thank goodness there was a future doctor.”

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Heroic ROTC Sophomore Won’t Stop Calling Going Abroad “Getting Deployed”

The Classic caught up with Tennant in his Vandy 8-man, or “HQ”, just one day after he learned of his placement at the University of Learnenschoolen in Switzerland.

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Polyamorous Student Is Thrilled You Are Looking For An 8th
UPSIDE DOWN PINEAPPLE — Freshmen, yearning for a common room and non-communal bathroom, are looking for their perfect eight-man. Across campus and Fizz, these students are desperately searching for the final piece to their puzzle. However, at a roommate meet and greet last night, Polly A. Morris (MCAS ‘28)... Read more
After Beanpot Loss, Will Smith Now Only Says He “Went to School in Boston”

Shockingly, Smith, too, replied, “I also went to school in Boston too, but I dropped out! But it’s not the same school as Macklin!” seemingly embarrassed to associate himself with the biggest Beanpot chokers of the last decade and the dumbassery of a student section that held up a “BC SUCKS” flag.

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As DEI Initiatives Unravel, BC Adds More Stairs

“When there were ramps and stuff, it was such a challenge,” recalled Meath Ed (CSOM ’27), “it doesn’t really make sense how they work. Like how do I go up when there’s not a platform for me to step on?”

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“Wanna See My nephew?”: How Is This Freshman I Know Already An Uncle?

Instead, Uncle Brian will learn to rely on figures like hourglass, slim thick, and pear for the remainder of his collegiate years.

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Holy Kaiju! Democrats Unveil Mecha Luther King Jr. Ahead Of Trump Inauguration

While it is unclear what kind of deal will be brokered between the US Government and King Ghidorah, conspiracy theories have gripped the nation about the impending Kaiju battle.

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Freshman Who Read “Allegory Of The Cave” Insistent That He Is Too Old For Kids Table

He truly understands now that sometimes punching your friends in the balls as a joke is unjust, even if they deserve it.

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Student Who Applied To Collage Confused Why No Classes Use Paper Mache

“Over the last 4 years, I’ve been telling my friends and family that I go Boston Collage”, Less said “They think I’ve dedicated 4 years to intensive experiential learning via multimedia digital and canvas storytelling. My parents are so proud of me, what the hell am I gonna tell them now? They spent almost $350,000 and all I have to show them is a bunch of essays and bluebooks filled with gibberish and buzzwords.”

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