Panic Spreads As Roanoke APPA Group Disappears Over Spring Break
Big IssuesServiceWTF March 11, 2026
The unknowing group of upstanding Boston College students embarked on their quest to be better than us and take Instagram pictures, but nobody could’ve expected what was to come. On their quest to love, learn, and serve while everyone was blacked out in the Caribbean, it seemed their group’s ambitions were too great and holy for this world to fathom.
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Instead of landing a decent class with a fine ahh class crush to study on/with, I ended up in RUUP6900: ‘A Deep Dive Into What That Mouth Do’ with professor Pred Adore. Having never heard of this class or professor before, I tried looking him up on the agora registration portal, only for his name to show up on a different kind of registry.
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LTE: My Intramural Pickleball Team Could SO Beat Every Women’s Olympic Team
Campus CultureStudent LifeWTF February 24, 2026
Watching all of the teams and analyzing their skills, I can confidently say that my intramural team could have absolutely beaten most, if not all, of the female Olympic teams. Even though my intramural team is for pickleball, plenty of my guys played JV, and some varsity hockey in high school. Those guys were top of their game at their New England prep schools, and could surely go right back to it if they played the women’s team.
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ALERT: Everyone Else Is In Class Today, Idiot! Now Your Professor Hates You
Big IssuesCampus CultureWTF February 23, 2026
For the first time, each one of your classes has near perfect attendance. A total of 249/250 people in your 9:00 AM lecture are all happy, present, and ready to learn! Your professor is so proud of them. But you, you specifically, are absent. Fucking moron! Everyone is laughing at you!
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After careful deliberation and council from The Heightsmen and the team’s recruiting coordinators, the announcement was made that the Eagles would be welcoming quarterback transfer Chiquitita (no last name could be procured at press time). Chiquitita is a 27 year old redshirt freshman from Mamma Mia Catholic Conservatory, and is currently majoring in musical theater.
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“Only Coke When I’m Drinking” And Other New Years Resolutions For Your CSOM Classmate
Campus CultureListsWTF January 14, 2026
“Lowkey once I got my offer things kinda got off the rails,” said Dee Generette (CSOM ‘27), “… So I definitely wanted to lock the fuck back in this year. We’re gonna be dialed.” Generette was kind enough to share with us some of his aspirations for, as he put it, “the big two-six.” Some of his lofty goals consist of the following.
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The Office of Student Involvement has recently introduced a new student organization that really fills a void that no student groups have been brave enough to address. Yup…you guessed it! A Piss Kink support group!
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CSOM Student Announces Prestigious Internship At “Male-Centered App” Called Grindr
Campus CultureSexWTF November 5, 2025
“Yeah, I found it on Handshake. The company is completely male-centered which you don’t really see nowadays. It’s something I can appreciate.”
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Eagle Escort Now Offering Complimentary Catcalling Services
Campus CultureSchoolStudent LifeWTF October 2, 2025
Previously only used as a transportation service for injured or otherwise disabled students on campus, Eagle Escort will now be offering what BCPD is calling “mobile mood boosters.”
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With our Eagles shitting the bed every week, all anyone wants is some hot bunny action.
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