The New England Classic
Roommate Weirdly Insistent You Don’t Fuck His Mom

Eddie Pess (CSOM ’25) reached out to the Classic to talk about his anxieties and to broadcast his plea to the rest of the student body: “Oh gosh, guys. I sure hope nobody fucks my mom.”

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ICYMI: Kyle Leads 3-Hour Game Of ISpy

Kyle began, binoculars in hand: “I spy with my little eye… something green!” obviously referring to the t-shirt of someone in the 3rd row.

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EXCLUSIVE: Kyle’s Leaked Setlist For Stokes Set

The investigative journalists at The New England Classic have obtained Kyle’s setlist for Stokes Set.

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Goodbye, Potatoes: BC Dining Gets Rid Of The One Thing Students Like

Brak’fousst is not alone. Increasing fury continues to spread among students as their staple breakfast item is M.I.A. But for a measly 2-3 times the past month, the crispy little nugs were replaced by other variations of fried potatoes.

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Baldwin Jr.’s Absence At Saturday’s Game Reveals Links To IRA Faction

“A review of Baldwin Jr.’s internet search history broke the news to students that the young eagle harbors sympathy for the paramilitary organization known as the Irish Republican Army, or the IRA.”

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Walsh Bat Revealed To Be Walsh Rat’s Sneaky Link

“Even though I’m technically blind, I could have sworn I saw the faint outline of their slender pointed head and thinly furred ears. I couldn’t help but take a bite.”

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Student Next To You In Schiller Lab Keeps 3D Printing Dildos

Normous has been observed continuously returning to the 3D printing rooms in the pristine building. It is reported that he has been creating countless phallic sculptures and taking them back to his room. Although he tries to be sneaky in his endeavors, the glass-clad walls surrounding the lab make it hard to do so. 

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Mac Remodel Unveiled, Mike@Mac Now Master Chief
McELROY COMMONS—With a much-needed face-lift to Carney Dining Room complete, students of the Upper Campus and CoRo communities have been abuzz about the changes to what has come to be called “New Mac.” Sleeker signage and brighter lighting have given the space a fresher look, while many have remarked... Read more
Roommate’s New Year’s Resolution Seems To Be “Fart More”

“I think these under-thunders are a pretty passive-aggressive way of him asking for more alone time. This man is halfway to a charcuterie plate with all the cheese he’s been cutting. It’s unbelievable.”

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Athlete Scoots Home For The Holidays Due To Surge In Flight Prices

However, after a stroke of inspiration while scooting to his finance class, Speedster has decided to do what no other Boston College Athlete has done: scoot on home for the holidays. “Yeah I mean this bad boy can get me to Playa Bowls and back, why can’t I scoot to Florida?”

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