The New England Classic
WTF
CAUTION: Article Under Construction

Yeah, how about you make something funny then, Jesus. All you ever do is take some idea you heard from someone else and then pass it along down the chain claiming it as your own. 

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Jack Dunn Excitedly Preparing For “Spotlight 2”

In just three minutes, Ruffalo had successfully convinced Dunn to reprise his breakout role, once again portraying a slightly fictionalized version of himself in Spotlight: The Squeakquel.

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New CAB Event: Hunt Your Own Dinner

“I’ve always been, like, super into killing small animals, and it just feels so good to share my passions with the rest of the student body. The BC community is just so supportive, and I am so, so grateful to have this chance to absolutely impale rabbits and other small game with crudely sharpened sticks.”

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Wowza: Roommate Used To Have An Astounding Amount Of Pubic Hair

“I was about to hop in the shower when I saw the abomination,” recalled Gillette. “It looked like someone had shaved a grizzly bear.”  

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University Announces You Can Bring Two Hand Puppets To Graduation

Students whose parents are divorced are still encouraged to bring two puppets, on the grounds that they remain cordial and do not let their puppets engage in any hilarious family disputes, outrageous slapstick violence with oversized blunt objects, or crude puns during the ceremony. 

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WTF: BC GET Pizza Boy Won’t Accept Sex As Payment

“I opened the door and expected him to swoon at my advances but instead, he kept insisting that I had already paid for the pizza and that I was being wildly inappropriate. Whatever. He missed out on the pure paradise of my body strewn with rubbery cheese,” Narah explained.

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Wicked Pissah: Roommate Has Strong Stream
WALSH HALL — Students were disrupted late Sunday night by what reportedly sounded like a firehose from the bathroom of Suite 304. Reports indicate that this was no ordinary tinkle, but instead was categorized by Boston-based experts as a “Wicked Pissah.” The Classic obtained access to reports from the... Read more
16 Signs There’s A Furry Sleeping Next To You

“In front of Gasson, they give what sounds like a deep, guttural bark back at Molly. Actually, it was probably towards her owner. You forgive it immediately.”

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Class of 2019 To Receive Second Commencement

“I just feel like our time at BC came to an end so quickly, and there were so many more things I wanted to do my senior year,” said Josh Layden (MCAS ’19). “I mean, I was just so busy all year having a blast at Mod parties, going to MA’s, hanging out in sizable groups of nine or more, and enjoying all the perks that come with senior year. This second commencement is a great opportunity for all of us to get back on campus together, and make the most of the weekend.”

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Sustainability Pledge: Pee In Your Brita

“I know it may sound like it violates several health codes and personal boundaries, but it’s perfectly clean. I promise your body can provide for you all on its own, if you just expand your mind a little,” said the leader of the rag-tag group of activists, Reese Eichel (MCAS ’23).

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