The New England Classic
OPINION: If Global Warming Is Real, Then Explain To Me Why I Got Hypothermia From Swimming Naked In The Res
Over the past two decades, there’s been a great deal of concern over global warming and its impending effects on our planet. Be it scientists, activists, or Green Party member and 2016 presidential candidate Jill Stein, people around the world are laying out the facts and calling on all... Read more
Rude! I’ve Left My Door Unlocked Every Night And The Tickler Still Hasn’t Tickled Me
I have heard many “horror” stories about BC students waking up in the middle of the night to find a strange man at the foot of their bed. He is a serial home invader; however, he never steals. He just tickles the feet of his prey. Now, I’m not... Read more
OPINION: BC Football May Be Ranked, But They’ll Never Be Better Than The 1986 New York Mets
By  Michael Prisciantelli (Class of  1982) Superfans of all shapes, sizes, and median annual incomes were given reason to rejoice this weekend as Boston College was ranked one of the nation’s top 25 college football teams for the first time since 2008. After 10 long years, the Eagles will... Read more
OPINION: Sex Must Be A Sin, Because I Was Never Offered Any
By  Fr. Sebastian R. Cocksworth, S.J. There’s been a lot of talk around campus lately about “Hookup Culture,” and what its place should be in a modern Catholic university. As a long-serving member of the Jesuit community here at Boston College, I would like to politely remind all our... Read more
OPINION: All Of Lower Campus Used To Be A Reservoir. Things Were Better That Way.
Although Lower Campus exists today as the end-all and be-all of social life and high culture at Boston College, things didn’t always used to be this way. Almost 70 years ago, the patch of land immediately east of Main Campus wasn’t land at all, but rather the Lawrence Basin... Read more
OPINION: We Need More Diversity Among The Racists At Boston College
Someone needs to say what we’ve all been thinking. The racists on this campus are incredibly homogenous, and I’m tired of this lack of diversity. Having racists of all different backgrounds would be a true benchmark of acceptance at Boston College. Everyone keeps talking about how there’s no diversity... Read more
OPINION: Guns Don’t Kill People, Condoms Kill People
There’s a lot of talk right now about the Second Amendment and the need to increase firearms regulations. Well, the joke’s on you, because I’ve read the Constitution, and it’s pretty clear that people have a right to own guns, so there. And honestly, I don’t really care, because this entire God-forsaken... Read more
OPINION: Muscle Diagrams At The Plex Set Unrealistic Standards For BC’s Muscled Hunks
There’s been a lot of talk at BC lately surrounding body image and self-esteem, and I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room: the impossible-to-achieve muscle diagrams featured on every machine in the Flynn Recreation Complex. Is this really the standard we want to be setting... Read more
A True Patriot: This Professor Is Honoring JFK’s Memory By Cheating On His Wife
54 years ago this month, the course of world history was changed forever when President John F. Kennedy was cut down by an assassin’s bullet in Dallas, Texas. While more than half a century has passed since that tragic November morning, the memory of the charming, charismatic president lives... Read more
Spooky! Notoriously Absent University President Actually Missing
CHESTNUT HILL — In the aftermath of an outcry surrounding the inaction and absence of Boston College’s fearless leader, Father William P. Leahy S.J., a university investigation has concluded that Father Leahy is officially missing. Students have long been lamenting the absence of the renowned Jesuit from frolics on... Read more