The New England Classic
Sex
Telling People Your ACT Score, And 10 More Surefire Ways To Protect Your Virginity

You got a 34 (35 superscore) and everyone else who got into the same university as you NEEDS to know it. Find a way to drop it into conversation even if it doesn’t relate to the topic at hand!

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SPOOKY: I Got Sent TOO Many Condomgrams

Talherpes soon came to understand that her boyfriend was sending her these candy bags filled with cryptic messages about her sexual health. For Talherpes, the condomgrams quickly lost their shine and became signs of a potential medical emergency.

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WTF: This Eco-Conscious Girl Uses Condoms?
WALSH HALL — In the past few years, the student-led organization Ecopledge has completed a variety of modest improvements to work toward making Boston College a more sustainable campus and Boston College’s instagram more greenwashed. Waste reduction efforts have given students the opportunity to throw their plastic forks in... Read more
Student Gets Sexiled By His Parents

Notale continued, “There is nothing quite as embarrassing as your parents having sex in your dorm bed before you even have. The only thing possibly more embarrassing is having to sit in the hallway with your roommate AND his parents, waiting for them to finish their rekindling. By the length of the wait, I think they went two or three times or they were talking, but I really cannot imagine them talking for that long without a fight.”

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Roommate Weirdly Insistent You Don’t Fuck His Mom

Eddie Pess (CSOM ’25) reached out to the Classic to talk about his anxieties and to broadcast his plea to the rest of the student body: “Oh gosh, guys. I sure hope nobody fucks my mom.”

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Comeau Defends Decision To End Required COVID Testing: “I Was Afraid Of Missing The BTR Reunion Tour”
UNIVERSITY HEALTH SERVICES — The church bells were ringing, the choirs were singing, and the unknown 617 area code phone calls were silent as news percolated that surveillance testing for the novel SARS-CoV-2 virus was no longer a requirement. BC had one man to thank: Dr. Douglas Comeau. What... Read more
Walsh Bat Revealed To Be Walsh Rat’s Sneaky Link

“Even though I’m technically blind, I could have sworn I saw the faint outline of their slender pointed head and thinly furred ears. I couldn’t help but take a bite.”

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Strategic Genius: Boyfriend Utilizes Body Double to Deke Valentine’s Day Responsibilities

“Since he doesn’t have anything better to do, he’ll be the one forced to sit through Valentine’s Day dinner at the Dorchester Applebee’s while I’m watching Jerry York struggle to make it through one more year.”

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Test Tube Baby? This Guy’s Parents Conceived In Chem Lab

“I don’t really think he understands that two people raw-dogging it on a lab bench is not the same as an embryo grown in a lab.”

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Uh Oh: Typo on CAB Email Changes “Boo Bags” to “Boob Bags”

“I don’t know how anyone could think that a campus-sponsored group would be handing out nude centerfolds to teenage boys.”

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