The New England Classic
Sex
Opinion: Strip Mod Must Go On, Even If It’s a Private Little Show Just For Me
Throughout the fall semester, far too many beloved Boston College traditions have been postponed, doomed to rot on the shelf until further notice. But if I could make a plea to ensure one tradition continues this semester, it would be this: Strip Mod must go on, even if it’s... Read more
Op-Ed: I Am Madly In Love With The Single Weird Tiny Fully Finished Piece of The Schiller Center

For weeks, I’d spend my days sitting in its shadow telling it about my day or just admiring its smooth, supple stone and powerful frame. The courageous independence of its existence.

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Fuckboy Would Date You If It Weren’t For “Everything Going on Right Now”

“Marley later clarified that he does not believe COVID-19 will impact his ability to hook up with you, just his emotional availability. As Boston College cracked down on the number of guests allowed in each place of residence, Marley felt it was only right to enforce a strict no-sleepover policy at his place starting Saturday. “

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New Perspectives Curriculum Concludes Highest Achievable Good Is The WHOPPER Jr.®️
STOKES NORTH — In a jarring series of events, Professor Kerry Cronin rewrote thirty years of Perspectives curriculum after a revelation came to her in a dream. After her weekly Thursday night ritual of picking up a WHOPPER Jr.®️ and a large order of Burger King’s famous chicken fries... Read more
“Who Even Gives A Shit Anymore?”: Furry Spotted On Newton Campus

“Yeah, man, I guess this sort of thing used to be a big deal. Any other week, honestly. But none of us can be bothered to give this kid the gaping, slack-jawed, sickened glares he’s so clearly begging for.”  

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OPINION: I’m A Water Fountain. Why Don’t You Want To Touch Me Anymore?
You’ve passed me hundreds of times, and you’ve touched me more than I can count. I would be lying if I said I didn’t always crave those brief moments of contact between us, your lips close to mine, my fluid draining into your thirsty mouth. Our encounters weren’t always... Read more
Op-Ed: Valentine’s Day Is Over And So Is Premarital Sex
February 14th, what a magical night. I bet you had a ton of fun having sex, huh? Bet you really enjoyed yourself. Think it’s so fun to disrespect the Lord? Yeah? Well guess what folks! Fuck time is OVER! That’s right, it’s time to hold hands and share one... Read more
New Study Finds 32% of Freshmen Lose Virginity While Wearing Agape Latte Shirt

Boston College Sex Freshmen

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Spooky! My Girlfriend Must Be A Vampire Because She Keeps Leaving Bite Marks On My Roommate’s Neck
Halloween has always been a time of year filled with spooks, scares and surprises, but none have ever been quite as startling as this: my girlfriend of two years is a vampire.  I know it sounds strange, but there’s no other explanation. My suspicions started about a month ago... Read more
Freshman Relieved To Discover Sex Is Banned In Campus Dorms
DUCHESNE EAST—After actually deciding to read the Boston College housing policy, Jack McElroy (MCAS ‘23) was elated to discover that sex is banned in campus dorms. The policy, which states that “sexual activity between or among members of the same or opposite sex is prohibited in the residence halls,”... Read more