Leahy Archives | The New England Classic

Red Bandana Game Canceled Amid Covid Concerns; BC Schedules Two 9/11s For 2021

Campus Culture Leahy WTF November 14, 2020

“To create a more equitable situation, as well as make up for lost revenue, BC will simply schedule two 9/11s for the 2021/22 football season.

Anti-Matter “Dark Leahy” Emerges From Project Lucidity, Loudly Denounces Racism

Leahy WTF November 9, 2020

“I AM LLIB YHAEL, ARBITER OF JUSTICE,” screamed the otherworldly abomination. “MY GUNS DISPERSE JUDGEMENT, MY SWORD CLEAVES IGNORANCE IN TWAIN!”

Student Overhears Father Leahy in Confession: “Fuck Them Kids”

Jesuits Leahy October 13, 2020

ST. IGNATIUS — Reports surfaced that the walls in the confessionals are dangerously thin. Current student Jack Barrey (CSOM ’21) said he was waiting in line to confess his sins from two Marathon Mondays ago when he heard something unsettling coming from the confessional. “I sat there in disbelief,... Read more

Records Reveal Boston College Has Paid $0 In Income Tax For 150 Years

Big Issues Leahy School WTF September 29, 2020

LINDEN LANE — Owing to an anonymous source, The Classic has obtained Boston College’s tax records dating back to the early 1870s, giving the clearest picture of the University’s finances to date and revealing centuries of chronic tax evasion and seemingly complete impunity from the United States’ tax code.... Read more

University Purchases “Great Big Retreat Center Upstate” For COVID Isolation

Coronavirus Leahy August 31, 2020

Like what you see? Feeling short of breath? Zoom around our site for more single-serve, plastic-wrapped content! Read more

Athletics Raises $150 Million Selling Knives

Leahy WTF January 29, 2019

“You know, when the CutCo division of Vector reached out and told us we could make up to $18.50 an hour with a flexible schedule and great co-workers, we were definitely hesitant,” noted Jarmond. “But once we got every single athletics employee running the phones, calling friends and distant cousins, the results really spoke for themselves.”

Fr. Leahy Has Great Day At Boston Pride

Boston Leahy June 10, 2018

CITY HALL PLAZA — President William P. Leahy, S.J. let his hair down Saturday at the annual Boston Pride Parade before returning to his poorly lit fourth-floor office in St. Mary’s Hall that night. Eyewitnesses reported (with surprise) that Fr. Leahy exchanged his usual black cassock for a pair... Read more

Fr. Leahy Sees His Shadow, Avoids Condemning Racism For Six More Weeks

Big Issues Leahy February 2, 2018

ST MARY’S HALL — This morning, Boston College president Fr. William P. Leahy emerged from his burrow, spotted his shadow, and retreated back inside in fear, signaling that he will not condemn racism for at least six more weeks. This is a trend that has persisted nearly every Groundhog... Read more

Spooky! Notoriously Absent University President Actually Missing

Leahy Opinion Spooky October 31, 2017

CHESTNUT HILL — In the aftermath of an outcry surrounding the inaction and absence of Boston College’s fearless leader, Father William P. Leahy S.J., a university investigation has concluded that Father Leahy is officially missing. Students have long been lamenting the absence of the renowned Jesuit from frolics on... Read more

Leahy’s Medical Needs Keeping BC From Fossil Fuel Divestment

Big Issues Leahy October 11, 2017

CHESTNUT HILL — Boston College’s Board of Trustees made the controversial decision to double down on their investments in fossil fuels during a conference call earlier this week. This announcement has called into question the university’s commitment to environmental sustainability, as well as the dermatologic health of a prominent... Read more