The New England Classic
Leahy Announces Complete Deforestation Of Newton Woods To Prevent Lame Parties

Ax observed the tree’s inability to photosynthesize following second hand Mango Crave exposure, along with root rot from pure cringe. “You don’t need to be a scientist to know that hearing Doses and Mimosas every weekend isn’t good for ecological sustainability.”    

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Leahy Sends APPA Students To Camp Green Lake To Search For Oil

“This week you will have one task: Holes. You’ll be digging up as many holes as you can. No breaks and no water unless you can find something for me. Something golden and rich. Something oily…”.

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The 10-Year Plan now calls for BC to level the Mods and build eight more Carneys in their place. 

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Golden Jesuit: Father Leahy Trades Collar for C*nd*ms

“Once a man of God, now a God of love. This prim and proper priest who has spent the majority of his life being a figurehead at Boston College is ready to trade that position for a more pleasurable one”

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BC Builds Outdoor Venue For Stoning Sinners And Heretics

“I’ve seen this campus descend into moral depravity and sin over my career and it’s time we enhanced the judicial processes outlined in the Student Code of Conduct,” said Fr. Leahy. “We need to go back to the good old days when people doing bad things didn’t go through a long systematic trial, and we just stoned them to death. This outdoor venue is exactly for that.”

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Tuition Increases By $0.008 To Pay For Leahy’s Blue Checkmark On Twitter

BC students were shocked to receive an email on Wednesday from the Office of Student Services announcing an increase of $0.008 to their tuition, effective immediately.

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SPOOKY: Father Leahy To Dress As Active Member Of Community For Halloween
HELL — Celebrities: they’re just like us. Sources report that Father Leahy has been repeatedly spotted ravaging through his glass closet for the perfect set of costumes for Halloweekend. After choosing to save slutty nun and climate terrorist for Saturday and Sunday; Father Leahy still needed to find the... Read more
Fr. Leahy Invites Kanye West To Perform At MarMon: “I Think He’s Really Come Around!”

Leahy continued, “He’s saying things a lot of people are afraid to say nowadays, and I know the youth listen to him. Also, I love that bar where he’s like, ‘She say ‘Can you get my friends in the club?’ I say ‘Can you get my benz in the club?’ If not, treat your friends like my Benz, Park they ass outside ‘til the evening end.’”

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Leahy’s Successor Revealed To Be Evil Face On The Back of His Head

“It is I, William P. Leahy, and I am now announcing my successor to you few snooping reporters. My successor is none other than…” he paused to raise the already scalding levels of suspense. “Me!”

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BC Sends Students To Stonehenge To “Figure It Out”

“We’re kind of curious on, like, how they did it. They didn’t have cranes then, to my knowledge, so they must have used their hands. Now for those back home, these things are heavy–big rocks,” said “Little” Lisa Thorax (LSOE ’22) over zoom. “We were collected by the president–BC wanted their best applied psych majors, to apply our psych.”

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