The New England Classic
University Purchases “Great Big Retreat Center Upstate” For COVID Isolation
Like what you see? Feeling short of breath? Zoom around our site for more single-serve, plastic-wrapped content! Read more
Athletics Raises $150 Million Selling Knives

“You know, when the CutCo division of Vector reached out and told us we could make up to $18.50 an hour with a flexible schedule and great co-workers, we were definitely hesitant,” noted Jarmond. “But once we got every single athletics employee running the phones, calling friends and distant cousins, the results really spoke for themselves.”

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Fr. Leahy Has Great Day At Boston Pride
CITY HALL PLAZA — President William P. Leahy, S.J. let his hair down Saturday at the annual Boston Pride Parade before returning to his poorly lit fourth-floor office in St. Mary’s Hall that night. Eyewitnesses reported (with surprise) that Fr. Leahy exchanged his usual black cassock for a pair... Read more
Fr. Leahy Sees His Shadow, Avoids Condemning Racism For Six More Weeks
ST MARY’S HALL — This morning, Boston College president Fr. William P. Leahy emerged from his burrow, spotted his shadow, and retreated back inside in fear, signaling that he will not condemn racism for at least six more weeks. This is a trend that has persisted nearly every Groundhog... Read more
Spooky! Notoriously Absent University President Actually Missing
CHESTNUT HILL — In the aftermath of an outcry surrounding the inaction and absence of Boston College’s fearless leader, Father William P. Leahy S.J., a university investigation has concluded that Father Leahy is officially missing. Students have long been lamenting the absence of the renowned Jesuit from frolics on... Read more
Leahy’s Medical Needs Keeping BC From Fossil Fuel Divestment
CHESTNUT HILL — Boston College’s Board of Trustees made the controversial decision to double down on their investments in fossil fuels during a conference call earlier this week. This announcement has called into question the university’s commitment to environmental sustainability, as well as the dermatologic health of a prominent... Read more
Leahy Prays To Top Donors, Trustees For Guidance On Gender-Neutral Bathrooms
CARNEY HALL — On Sunday night, the Undergraduate Government of Boston College passed The Resolution Concerning Single Stall Restrooms, officially calling for a change in all strict male-or-female signage for the 18 single-stall restrooms in academic buildings on campus. In passing this resolution, UGBC has shown support and recognition... Read more
Boston College Promises To Provide Students Sanctuary From Snow, No Word Yet About White Nationalist US Administration
MALONEY PRESIDENTIAL SUITE — Taking advantage of yesterday’s snow day for some much-needed personal time, University President Rev. William P. Leahy, S.J., sat down with several members of the press to affirm Boston College’s commitment to keeping its students safe from the weather, but not the white nationalists passing... Read more
Students Thrilled To Know Leahy Cares, Even Happier To Know He’s Alive And Well
BOSTON COLLEGE — The Heights broke news earlier this evening that President Fr. William P. Leahy, S.J., signed a statement supporting Boston College’s commitment to protecting its undocumented students by holding up President Obama’s executive order, Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA). Because DACA may be in danger of... Read more
Leahy Attends Student Involvement Fair: ‘This Is The Semester I Put Myself Out There’

It’s never too late to get involved!

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