Big Issues Archives | The New England Classic

Ben Shapiro Purchases O’Neill And Bapst, Now Owns The Libs

Big Issues WTF April 9, 2019

O’NEILL LIBRARY — Conservative author and commentator Ben Shapiro announced last Friday that he has finalized the purchase of both Bapst Library and O’Neill Library, in an effort to “truly own the libs, once and for all.” Boston College officially verified the acquisition in an email to students and... Read more

Campus Racists Attend “Acquitted Eagles Day”

Big Issues Campus Culture School February 12, 2019

Historically, Boston College has refrained from using “weighted” words such as “racist,” “hate-crime,” and “responsible,” but Sunday’s summit faced that language head-on, aiming to exonerate its attendees of any reason to associate the phrases with themselves.

Our Takeaways From The State Of The Union Address

Big Issues February 7, 2019

The State of the Union is a very formal occasion, and its guests must dress as such. Per a policy originating in the 1920 Treaty of Versailles, sweatpants are not, under any circumstances, permissible, and only certain types of jeans are allowed (depending on how well they are accessorized/bedazzled).

Do Not Stand Idly By As BC Destroys Its Finest Cultural Institution

Big Issues Campus Culture January 30, 2019

Here at The New England Classic, our editorial Sandwichboard rarely, if ever, directly comments on campus ongoings. In most normal situations, we believe that clever satire and silly photoshops can say a heck of a lot more than whatever comes out of soapbox shouting and editorial grandstanding. Unfortunately, this... Read more

Study Shows Gasson 2 To 3 Inches Shorter In Colder Months

Big Issues School January 21, 2019

HIGGINS HALL — According to the results of a new study released by the Biology department late last week, Gasson Hall is two to three inches shorter during colder months. “After analyzing years of data collected by a dedicated team of research scientists, our hard work has finally paid... Read more

Yes, Student With Barstool Flag Is Voting In Midterms Too

Big Issues October 22, 2018

CLAVER HALL — In a stunning move Saturday evening, Bryce Myers (CSOM ’22) announced his intentions to vote in the upcoming midterm elections. Myers, who receives his political news from the Snapchat Discover section and has a large “Saturdays Are For The Boys” flag hanging on the wall of... Read more

REPORT: Dad Can’t Wait To Throw Around The Old Pigskin Whenever You Make It Home, Bud

Big Issues October 15, 2018

YOUR HOMETOWN, YOUR HOME STATE — Your loving father (MCAS ‘79) reported over the phone last Thursday that he couldn’t wait for you to get home and throw around the old pigskin, buddy. This news came after an update on Mamaw’s hip replacement, and a reminder that your sister’s... Read more

Student In Write-Up Meeting Says “I like beer”

Big Issues Student Life October 4, 2018

WALSH HALL — During his write-up meeting with Walsh Resident Director Diana Steinfein, pre-law student Brad Chadanaugh (MCAS ‘21) reportedly responded to a question about his drinking habits by saying that he “drank beer with his friends, liked beer, and still likes beer.” Steinfein says she discusses drinking habits... Read more

Boston College Now Demanding Poor Alumni Give Donations In Blood

Big Issues October 2, 2018

In an effort to recognize the different socio-economic realities of its alumni, Boston College is launching a new program that will allow the University to collect donations in the form of credit, check, or blood. The initiative was introduced on Tuesday as part of the “Greater Heights” fundraising campaign... Read more

9/11 Moved To October 26th To Accommodate Red Bandana Game

Big Issues Sports September 10, 2018

ST. MARY’S HALL — Despite widespread criticism from students, faculty, and alumni, Boston College went forward on Monday with its decision to change the date of 9/11 to October 26th, the date of the annual “Red Bandana” football game. The “Red Bandana” game, which celebrates the heroic actions of... Read more