Big Issues Archives | The New England Classic

Bookstore Sends Official Statement On 1919 Anglo-Irish War, Also A 25% Off Coupon On A Hat

Big Issues Campus Culture School Student Life March 17, 2021

BOSTON COLLEGE BOOKSTORE — This week, the Boston College Bookstore broke a longstanding precedent of apolitical neutrality when they released an official statement on the clash between Irish Republicans and the British Government, which ended nearly 100 years ago, in their routine email blast to the student body. The... Read more

Cancel Culture Comes For Baldwin’s Big Naturals

Big Issues Sports WTF March 15, 2021

“Sadly, it has come to my attention that Baldwin’s voluptuous, feathery bazongas have become the subject of criticism,” Leahy said. “I just want to remind students that acknowledging the positive social and spiritual impact of our mascot’s humongous honkers is a key component to being men and women for others.”

Lochhead Flies To Canada As Positive Cases Increase

Big Issues Coronavirus February 28, 2021

LOGAN AIRPORT — In the midst of a sharp increase in COVID cases on the Boston College campus, Executive Vice President Michael Lochhead was seen boarding a flight to Toronto late Thursday night. Lochhead has been responsible for many of the COVID-related emails sent to students, including those which... Read more

“That’s Not A Buick,” Reports Student Staring At Buick

Big Issues Student Life February 10, 2021

“What, the black one? With the big front grill? Tinted windows? Four-door? V6? Looks about ‘08, ‘09 maybe? Apple CarPlay™? Rear-wheel drive? Automatic heated seats? Yeah, that’s not a Buick bro, nice try” Ford exclaimed to the Buick’s owner.

TRAGIC: Roommate May Have Voted Libertarian

Big Issues Student Life December 12, 2020

“See?” explained Harris, donning a blue “I’m Still With Her” baseball cap and adjusting a framed “Kennedy/Johnson” poster. “These are real positions, worthwhile opinions. It’s so hard to see out-of-date, ridiculous views like hers making headlines.”

Five Things To Talk About Now That The Election Is Over, And They’re All The Rat Line

Big Issues Campus Culture School Student Life Uncategorized November 12, 2020

1) The Rat Line I mean, Jesus Christ. The Rat used to MEAN SOMETHING, for pete’s sake. Remind your friends and loved ones how miserable a metaphor the Rat has become for our whole new way of life. The Rat is, as it has always been, the center of... Read more

Student Body Flips On Thanksgiving Poll: “We No Longer Ever Wish To Go Home”

Big Issues Coronavirus Student Life November 4, 2020

SERVICES.BC.EDU — In a shocking last-minute push, Boston College students overwhelmingly reversed course on the Thanksgiving ultimatum that the University posed to them in late October. While projections from the Associated Press initially showed that, as of Monday, a majority of students planned to go home, the fallout from... Read more

Record Number of Americans Express Newfound Love for Edging

Big Issues November 3, 2020

“It’s the reluctance to call Florida for me. Every time I get close, she [Rachel Maddow] pulls away… it’s driving me absolutely nuts,” reported Chris Stoke (CSOM `23).

Records Reveal Boston College Has Paid $0 In Income Tax For 150 Years

Big Issues Leahy School WTF September 29, 2020

LINDEN LANE — Owing to an anonymous source, The Classic has obtained Boston College’s tax records dating back to the early 1870s, giving the clearest picture of the University’s finances to date and revealing centuries of chronic tax evasion and seemingly complete impunity from the United States’ tax code.... Read more

The New England Classic’s Summer 2020 Vacation Travel Guide: Florida

Big Issues Coronavirus July 27, 2020

Boy oh boy, you needed this!