The New England Classic
TRAGIC: Roommate May Have Voted Libertarian

“See?” explained Harris, donning a blue “I’m Still With Her” baseball cap and adjusting a framed “Kennedy/Johnson” poster. “These are real positions, worthwhile opinions. It’s so hard to see out-of-date, ridiculous views like hers making headlines.”

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Five Things To Talk About Now That The Election Is Over, And They’re All The Rat Line
1) The Rat Line I mean, Jesus Christ. The Rat used to MEAN SOMETHING, for pete’s sake. Remind your friends and loved ones how miserable a metaphor the Rat has become for our whole new way of life. The Rat is, as it has always been, the center of... Read more
Student Body Flips On Thanksgiving Poll: “We No Longer Ever Wish To Go Home”
SERVICES.BC.EDU — In a shocking last-minute push, Boston College students overwhelmingly reversed course on the Thanksgiving ultimatum that the University posed to them in late October. While projections from the Associated Press initially showed that, as of Monday, a majority of students planned to go home, the fallout from... Read more
Record Number of Americans Express Newfound Love for Edging

“It’s the reluctance to call Florida for me. Every time I get close, she [Rachel Maddow] pulls away… it’s driving me absolutely nuts,” reported Chris Stoke (CSOM `23).

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Records Reveal Boston College Has Paid $0 In Income Tax For 150 Years
LINDEN LANE — Owing to an anonymous source, The Classic has obtained Boston College’s tax records dating back to the early 1870s, giving the clearest picture of the University’s finances to date and revealing centuries of chronic tax evasion and seemingly complete impunity from the United States’ tax code.... Read more
The New England Classic’s Summer 2020 Vacation Travel Guide: Florida

Boy oh boy, you needed this!

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Report: “Hey, You’ve Got A Little Something On Your–”
STOKES LAWN — A discovery by the NEC Sandwichlight team has uncovered multiple damning reports alleging that hundreds of Boston College students have suspicious smudges of dirt on their foreheads. Reports began piling up early this morning and have not died down all day.  Junior Katy Chisim told The... Read more
The Rat Announces Popcorn-Chicken-Flavored Coffee
LYONS HALL — Boston College Dining announced Wednesday that the Welch Dining Room, known colloquially by students as “The Rat (Rathskeller)” will begin serving New England Coffee’s new popcorn chicken blend this March. A recent Qualtrics study in the Boston College Class of 2021 Facebook group revealed that the... Read more
The NEC Endorses Mayors Quimby, West For UGBC President And VP
Media outlets have a civic responsibility to conform their readers’ minds to their own way of thinking, and this is especially true in elections. With this in mind, The New England Classic endorses Mayor Joseph Fitzgerald O’Malley Fitzpatrick O’Donnell The Edge Quimby (CSOM ’22) and Mayor Adam West (MCAS... Read more
8 Things UGBC Candidates Aren’t Talking About
With UGBC presidential elections coming up fast, the candidates have still not addressed the questions that we really care about, so we’ve compiled this list of topics and questions that we think the candidates have egregiously overlooked. 1) The destruction of the Meatball Obsession Stand. A year later, we... Read more