The New England Classic
Yes, Student With Barstool Flag Is Voting In Midterms Too
CLAVER HALL — In a stunning move Saturday evening, Bryce Myers (CSOM ’22) announced his intentions to vote in the upcoming midterm elections. Myers, who receives his political news from the Snapchat Discover section and has a large “Saturdays Are For The Boys” flag hanging on the wall of... Read more
REPORT: Dad Can’t Wait To Throw Around The Old Pigskin Whenever You Make It Home, Bud
YOUR HOMETOWN, YOUR HOME STATE — Your loving father (MCAS ‘79) reported over the phone last Thursday that he couldn’t wait for you to get home and throw around the old pigskin, buddy. This news came after an update on Mamaw’s hip replacement, and a reminder that your sister’s... Read more
Student In Write-Up Meeting Says “I like beer”
WALSH HALL — During his write-up meeting with Walsh Resident Director Diana Steinfein, pre-law student Brad Chadanaugh (MCAS ‘21) reportedly responded to a question about his drinking habits by saying that he “drank beer with his friends, liked beer, and still likes beer.” Steinfein says she discusses drinking habits... Read more
Boston College Now Demanding Poor Alumni Give Donations In Blood
In an effort to recognize the different socio-economic realities of its alumni, Boston College is launching a new program that will allow the University to collect donations in the form of credit, check, or blood. The initiative was introduced on Tuesday as part of the “Greater Heights” fundraising campaign... Read more
9/11 Moved To October 26th To Accommodate Red Bandana Game
ST. MARY’S HALL — Despite widespread criticism from students, faculty, and alumni, Boston College went forward on Monday with its decision to change the date of 9/11 to October 26th, the date of the annual “Red Bandana” football game. The “Red Bandana” game, which celebrates the heroic actions of... Read more
Artist With Pre-Copernican View Of Astronomy To Play University With Pre-Copernican View Of Everything
THE MODS — Last Tuesday the Campus Activities Board (CAB) confirmed that rapper B.o.B would headline this year’s Modstock concert, causing outrage among many members of the Boston College community. In 2016, the rapper released “Flatline,” in which he defended his opinion that the world is actually a flat... Read more
Boston College Finally Supports People Of Color By Allowing Bill Cosby To Keep Honorary Degree
Update: Boston College has since rescinded Cosby’s degree, either because they truly saw the error of their ways or because donors threatened to pull funding. Your guess is as good as ours. Boston College is finally taking a stand and letting everyone know that it proudly supports people of color.... Read more
Boston College EMS To Cease Kidney Theft Amid Public Outcry
CHESTNUT HILL, MA — Stating that the gruesome habit no longer reflects what the organization stands for, Boston College Emergency Medical Services (BC EMS) reported Monday morning that it will cease stealing the kidneys of inebriated students. While it intends to continue providing hospital transportation and other services for the... Read more
Catholic University Believes In Magic, But Not Gay People
The administration of Boston College, a Jesuit, Catholic university, released a video Thursday which suggests that they believe in magic, but have yet to provide evidence that the university believes in the existence of LGBTQ+ students. Students, tour groups, and Potterheads alike have been drawing comparisons between the architecture... Read more
OPINION: We Need More Diversity Among The Racists At Boston College
Someone needs to say what we’ve all been thinking. The racists on this campus are incredibly homogenous, and I’m tired of this lack of diversity. Having racists of all different backgrounds would be a true benchmark of acceptance at Boston College. Everyone keeps talking about how there’s no diversity... Read more