The New England Classic
Jeff Hafley Changes BC Football Slogan To “Everyone’s A Winner”

The players seem to have a positive outlook on next year’s season. According to a survey distributed by The Classic, the team describes the upcoming rebrand as “cool, I guess,” “what does rebrand mean,” and “as long as i get the scooter idc.”

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BC Sends Students To Stonehenge To “Figure It Out”

“We’re kind of curious on, like, how they did it. They didn’t have cranes then, to my knowledge, so they must have used their hands. Now for those back home, these things are heavy–big rocks,” said “Little” Lisa Thorax (LSOE ’22) over zoom. “We were collected by the president–BC wanted their best applied psych majors, to apply our psych.”

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Wait, Do You Guys Actually All Have Fake IDs?

I thought fake ids were a myth – the type of thing you only see in Superbad. Like, it’s literally illegal. I’m a good kid. Sure, I like a good underage drink once in a while but identity theft?!

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Warning: This Article Is Rated R
You read the headline and continued on to the article, so I’ll just assume you are, in fact, qualified to consume media that is R-Rated. By qualified, I don’t just mean age. Legally, anybody over the age of 17 can watch a Rated R movie, but simply being over... Read more
“It’s Just the BC Throat Tickle” Says Senior Spewing Mucus In Devlin 008

“I am vaccinated. There’s nothing to worry about,” Tivacks said with her fingers crossed behind her back.

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Dad Brings Girlfriend to Parents Weekend Instead of Mom

“I didn’t even know my parents had split up. I mean, I haven’t even been gone for a month,” bemoaned Dale, clearly bothered by the whole situation. “But I guess it explains him mentioning his ‘new flame’ and ‘adjustments’ at home when we’ve been on the phone – I just assumed he had started taking Viagra or something.”

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Jack Dunn Excitedly Preparing For “Spotlight 2”

In just three minutes, Ruffalo had successfully convinced Dunn to reprise his breakout role, once again portraying a slightly fictionalized version of himself in Spotlight: The Squeakquel.

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British Royal Navy Invades CAB World Fair

The sailors made the quick stop on their trip to find the Northwest Passage so that they could investigate the cultures of the territories they were about to occupy.

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Bookstore Sends Official Statement On 1919 Anglo-Irish War, Also A 25% Off Coupon On A Hat
BOSTON COLLEGE BOOKSTORE — This week, the Boston College Bookstore broke a longstanding precedent of apolitical neutrality when they released an official statement on the clash between Irish Republicans and the British Government, which ended nearly 100 years ago, in their routine email blast to the student body. The... Read more
Cancel Culture Comes For Baldwin’s Big Naturals

“Sadly, it has come to my attention that Baldwin’s voluptuous, feathery bazongas have become the subject of criticism,”  Leahy said. “I just want to remind students that acknowledging the positive social and spiritual impact of our mascot’s humongous honkers is a key component to being men and women for others.”

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