Articles | The New England Classic

Mom Can’t Believe You Got Kicked From Housing Group, Thought They Were All Very Nice Boys Hot

Coronavirus Student Life March 30, 2020

Kelly went on to describe the situation as “fucked,” a comment which Mrs. Kelly disapproved of as she “did not raise [him] to use that language.”

LTE: Uh, Why Is Molly In My Zoom Class? Hot

Coronavirus Student Life March 27, 2020

Like what you see? Stuck at your parents house? Browse our site for more juicy, immunocompromised content! Read more

LTE: I Am The Tiny Door Into Eagles, And There Is No Escape

Campus Culture School March 11, 2020

I should have been an emergency fire exit in Higgins, or a reflection room door on Newton campus. A sane man would have put me anywhere else. Instead, I am the Super Tiny Door Into Eagles. The tastiest licks in all of BC lie behind my hinges: soup with... Read more

Campus Ministry Begins Individually Plastic-Wrapping Communion Wafers Hot

Coronavirus Jesuits March 10, 2020

McELROY COMMONS — The Office of Campus Ministry announced Tuesday morning that effective immediately all eucharistic wafers will be individually wrapped in saran wrap. The statement was communicated to the Boston College community in an email which also included the phrase “care for the whole person” 17 times. “Due... Read more

Fuck Yeah: Kid In Your APPA Group Brought Her Dab Pen

Service Student Life March 9, 2020

PARKERSBERG, WEST VIRGINIA — Students in APPA group #42 have taken a break from building houses for the impoverished to get REALLY high in the mountains of Appalachia. “Dabs with the bros are what make this experience so worthwhile,” said Eleanor Restucci (CSOM ‘21), referring to her G-Slim 2800... Read more

Appa Group #24 Placed At Schiller Institute

Service Student Life February 28, 2020

To ensure that the group would be able to work on the site, construction of the Schiller Institute has been officially registered as a Habitat for Humanity site, and will likely make use of hundreds of plucky volunteers until its anticipated opening in 2021.

Report: “Hey, You’ve Got A Little Something On Your–”

Big Issues Campus Culture February 26, 2020

STOKES LAWN — A discovery by the NEC Sandwichlight team has uncovered multiple damning reports alleging that hundreds of Boston College students have suspicious smudges of dirt on their foreheads. Reports began piling up early this morning and have not died down all day. Junior Katy Chisim told The... Read more

Roommate Thinks She Can Just Come Into The Room Whenever She Wants

Dorm Stuff Student Life February 25, 2020

“Like, this isn’t a fuckin’ corner store,” Purcell said. “You can’t just be walking in here anytime you want, day and night. People live here. I need privacy.”

O’Neill Answer Wall Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s

Campus Culture School WTF February 24, 2020

ST. ELIZABETH’S HOSPITAL — Following months of intensive consultations, representatives of the Thomas P. O’Neill estate announced on Monday that the famed O’Neill Library Answer Wall, which has been candidly answering anonymous questions since 2017, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. “We were deeply saddened when we received the... Read more

Falling Hydro Flask Most Outspoken Member Of Lecture

School Student Life February 20, 2020

MCGUINN HALL — In Tuesday’s Globalization II lecture, a 32-oz Hydro Flask officially became the class’s most outspoken participant when it toppled off a desk and hit the ground with a “CLANK!” that echoed throughout the room. The Hydro Flask, belonging to Linda Pound (MCAS ’21), reportedly was the... Read more