The New England Classic
Ten Dorm Decorations That Are Absolutely Red Flags
Whether you’re going over to someone’s dorm to seal the deal, work with a classmate on a group project, or you’re an RA who’s about to inform residents that they’ve been suspended by the University — nothing says more about the person living in a room than how they... Read more
OPINION: Dear White Buddhists

It’s one thing to be a garden-variety, store-brand Asian fetishist, but to make the massive shift from big-tiddy-anime-girls to big belly Buddha is deeply unsettling.

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Creators of Club Club Lacrosse Announce Model Model UN
VANDERSLICE HALL — After months of speculation, the group of BC juniors responsible for the Club Club Lacrosse team announced Monday the formation of “Model Model UN”. The founders hope that just like Club Club Lacrosse, Model Model UN will be a great outlet for kids whose identity was... Read more
Girl Barefoot In Bathroom Definitely Has Kinky Sex

“She talks about ‘impact play’ a lot but I just assumed it was some kind of workout, like HIIT or something.”

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Massachusetts To Use BC’s Gym Reservation Software To Schedule Vaccines

“Working in conjunction with our partners in Chestnut Hill, the Massachusetts Department of Public Health will be providing the remaining doses of both the Moderna and the Pfizer COVID vaccines throughout the state using this newly revamped, state of the art scheduling infrastructure,” Baker announced.

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The Wolf of Comm. Ave: This Guy Made $1.37 Day-Trading on Robinhood

At press time, Jones was seen listening to “Jordan Belfort” on loop while applying to senior-level management positions at several top Wall Street firms.

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Report: Skipping Class Not Even Fun Anymore
CHESTNUT HILL— According to recent data, an alarming new trend has established itself in the undergraduate community at Boston College: skipping class is reportedly “like, really not even that fun anymore.”  Brian Dead (MCAS ’22) told The Classic, “I was watching this movie the other day and these really... Read more
UGBC To Hold Impeachment Trial by Slapbox

Students have demonstrated overwhelming support for the process, citing it as “the most productive UGBC has ever been.”

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Jim Christian Relieved To Be Jim Atheist Again

Though many would have been distressed over the prospect of a job search during the pandemic, Atheist was grateful for the chance to return to his born surname.

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CAB Holds Presidents’ Day Mattress Sale
CARNEY HALL — Campus Activities Board (CAB) kept in the holiday spirit Sunday when they announced their latest half-assed promotion, a Presidents’ Day mattress sale. The news comes on the heels of another thoroughly underwhelming matchmaking survey and weeks of similarly stale events thrown together by the club. The... Read more