The New England Classic
FUCK! Marriage Pact Has The Apostrophe After His Class Year In Bio

Lizrowmentic was taken aback. ‘Honestly it wasn’t the quote or the 272:3,400 followers to following ratio, it was the fact that he put the apostrophe in the wrong place of his class year,’ she said.

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Groundhog Saw His Shadow: 6 More Weeks Without Commitment From Situationship

According to Hayter, the ideal targets are emotionally weak and romantically inexperienced, so those employing his methods should look for people with very Catholic upbringings.

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10 Questions The Marriage Pact Missed

“The Classic set out to research: How can we make the Marriage Pact even more accurate? The following are additional questions that would guarantee 100% matches for all students across campus.”

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Theater Kid Friend Could’ve Gone Broadway If He Hadn’t Torn His ACL

Alas, one fateful day during his senior year production of SpongeBob: The Musical, Threat’s Broadway dreams were shattered when he broke a leg slipping on an unfortunately placed banana peel during final dress rehearsals.

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Did You Feel That? The Earthquake Or My Hookup From The Other Night

The only thing Gasom felt was a little rug burn down there. Little did she know, she would be confronted with this question again walking to class after debriefing her weekend escapades over a Chicken Parm Presser.

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January 6 Pardonees Excited to Fill BU Student Section

The New England Classic is here to dispel the rumor that BU is infested with quintuple COVID-boosted, Judith Butler-loving liberals like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. In fact, Boston University is a well-known right-wing safe haven in higher education.

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Trump To Rename Stokes Lawn “Lawn of America”

However, when cruising across the lawn, Trump was appalled with the fact that Boston College, a school with so many of his supporters, would name such a pillar of campus after the wretched pursuit of liberal arts.

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TikTok Ban Edges America: We’ll See What’s to Come

“Insiders say that the TikTok CEO and American government were influenced by new sensation: ‘edging.'”

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Holy Kaiju! Democrats Unveil Mecha Luther King Jr. Ahead Of Trump Inauguration

While it is unclear what kind of deal will be brokered between the US Government and King Ghidorah, conspiracy theories have gripped the nation about the impending Kaiju battle.

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“It’s Like A Third Leg”—Telltale Signs Of Leahy’s Snow Angel

“Gasson Quad was not untouched: in the middle lay a fresh snow angel, complete with wings, a priest collar, and a tree-trunk sized sleeve jutting from its crotch. “

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