The New England Classic
BC Dining Unveils Thanksgiving Menu — “It’s Just Rice.”

Much like this year’s forbidden Thanksgiving gatherings nationwide, dinner on The Heights will be bland, tough to swallow, and overwhelmingly white. 

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Five Things to Convert Your Friend’s Room Into After They Leave for Break

The number one request of all Boston College students from 2005-2019 has been more meat lockers available to undergrads.

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Red Bandana Game Canceled Amid Covid Concerns; BC Schedules Two 9/11s For 2021

“To create a more equitable situation, as well as make up for lost revenue, BC will simply schedule two 9/11s for the 2021/22 football season.

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Developing: UIS Set to Dictate Whether Students Go to Heaven or Hell

Next semester, students will have the opportunity to register for a class that will determine whether they will live forever in blessed communion with The Lord or find themselves chained to the infernal river in the dominion of Satan.

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Five Things To Talk About Now That The Election Is Over, And They’re All The Rat Line
1) The Rat Line I mean, Jesus Christ. The Rat used to MEAN SOMETHING, for pete’s sake. Remind your friends and loved ones how miserable a metaphor the Rat has become for our whole new way of life. The Rat is, as it has always been, the center of... Read more
Six Polite Ways To Get Your Roommates To Stop Listening To Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving

“Have your roommates already started listening to Christmas music? If you answered ‘yes’ or ‘possibly’ or ‘I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT ENOUGH TO READ THIS BECAUSE THAT CATCHY SNOWMISER/HEATMISER SONG FROM The Year Without a Santa Claus IS ALREADY STUCK IN MY HEAD,’ we have you covered with six polite ways to get your roommates to stop playing Christmas music so early.”

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Anti-Matter “Dark Leahy” Emerges From Project Lucidity, Loudly Denounces Racism

“I AM LLIB YHAEL, ARBITER OF JUSTICE,” screamed the otherworldly abomination. “MY GUNS DISPERSE JUDGEMENT, MY SWORD CLEAVES IGNORANCE IN TWAIN!”

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10 Nasty Things About Jeff Hafley That We Just Made Up
THE NEC NEWSROOM, ONTARIO, CANADA — Now folks, if we may, we’d like to be straight with you for a moment. Here at The New England Classic, we’ve made a killing on the gaffes Boston College’s top people make each day. But god damn it, we just can’t find... Read more
Inspiring: Freethinking Roommate Doesn’t Have A TikTok

“’I enjoy being told that the things I like are stupid,’ says Smith’s roommate, Charles DiEmilio (LSOE ’23). ‘Especially from someone like Andy, who is so clearly better than me.'”

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Student Body Flips On Thanksgiving Poll: “We No Longer Ever Wish To Go Home”
SERVICES.BC.EDU — In a shocking last-minute push, Boston College students overwhelmingly reversed course on the Thanksgiving ultimatum that the University posed to them in late October. While projections from the Associated Press initially showed that, as of Monday, a majority of students planned to go home, the fallout from... Read more