The New England Classic
Shocking: 23andMe Results Reveal Baldwin the Eagle is 12% Hawk

The test results also showed trace amounts of falcon and beagle. BC students reported feeling “shocked”, “upset”, and “aroused.”

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Maintenance Crew Continuing Repairs On Addazio-Sized Hole In Wall Of Alumni Stadium Media Room Following Kansas Post-Game Press Conference
ALUMNI STADIUM MEDIA ROOM — It was reported early Saturday morning that members of the Boston College maintenance crew have begun work to patch up the Steve Addazio-sized hole in the wall of the Alumni Stadium media room following the head coach’s post-game press conference at the conclusion of... Read more
Fucking Idiot In Mailroom Doesn’t Know Shelf Number
WALSH HALL — Certified idiot Max Mortimer (CSOM ‘22) arrived at the Walsh mailroom Friday afternoon intending to somehow pick up a package without knowing his shelf number.  Bystanders and mailroom employees looked on as Mortimer searched his email for the vital code like a dumbass.  “Uh, I have... Read more
“For Boston, For Boston Hummdssaee Freahain” Sings Student Body
ALUMNI STADIUM — Following a Boston College Eagles’ touchdown against the Richmond Spiders last Saturday, hundreds of football fans broke into a celebratory rendition of the school’s fight song.  Stephen Montgomery (CSOM ‘23) and his friends from Keyes South proudly sang the first two lines of the song they... Read more
Plexus Mortuus: Remembering The William J. Flynn Recreation Complex
Behold me razed to rubble mounds, My iv’ry peaks reduced to dust; Proudly raised to touch the clouds, I now return to earthen crust. See there my heir of Margot’s name, Who scowls upon my shambled wreck, Who cruelly saw me fit to maim And brought the blade upon... Read more
Newly Accepted Club Member Misinterprets Kidnapping For Kinky Sexual Roleplay
FENWICK HALL — Boston College a capella group The Bostonians continued their long-standing tradition of “kidnapping” newly accepted members from their dorm rooms last Tuesday night. But the usually lighthearted tradition took an unexpected turn when one new member reportedly misinterpreted the situation as an extreme sexual roleplay, leading... Read more
Addazio Can’t Download Mobile Ticket On iPod Touch, Will Miss Richmond Game
ALUMNI STADIUM — It was reported late Friday afternoon that Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio will miss this Saturday’s game against the Richmond Spiders because he is unable to download his mobile ticket onto his 2nd generation iPod Touch.  BC Athletics implemented the new ticketing process this year... Read more
Freshman Disappointed Convocation Speaker Is Chris Wilson, Not Owen Wilson
Look out for our print issue for more phenomenal content. Read more
Addazio’s Off-Campus Housing Lease Does Not Begin Until September 1, Will Miss Season Opener
KIRKWOOD ROAD — It was reported early Friday morning that Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio will miss his team’s season opener against Virginia Tech this weekend. The coach’s lease for his off-campus house on Kirkwood Road does not begin until September 1. It remains unclear why Addazio,... Read more
Couple Breaks Up After White Mountain Server Asks If They’re Paying Together Or Separate

A recent dispute had put the relationship on thin ice, according to Lynn — almost as thin as the ice cream of White Mountain’s competitors.

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