The New England Classic
Baby Bird Alert! BC Swim And Dive Severely Misinterprets What It Means To Be An Eagle

“The team comes first! If you really think about it, there’s no ‘I’ in TEAM, but there is in VOMIT.”

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Tour Groups are Back! 10 Projectiles to Throw at Them
DEVLIN HALL – What rhymes with azure poop and is always in your way? That’s right! A tour group! As you may have noticed, our gilded walkways have become infested with masses of prospective Boston College Eagles. It’s about time we take back our walkways, the walkways that were... Read more
“Let’s Do a Silly One”: Coach Hafley on his Strategy for Upcoming Game

When asked to elaborate, Hafley said “You know, like a goofy one. It means you can do whatever you want as long as it’s appropriate! You can stick your tongue out or give someone bunny ears, as long as it doesn’t hurt his feelings.”

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Uh Oh! This Born And Raised New Yorker Is About To Tell The Class What They Think Of The South…

‘Once I graduate, I have full intention of moving to the true mixing pot of America: Brooklyn, NY. I’ve never been anywhere near the Mason-Dixon Line, and I have no intention of coming close to it, or the poverty line while I’m at it.’

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“Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion”: How One Confused CSOM Student Thought He Took A Foreign Language Class

It wasn’t until further into the class that he heard the word “equity” and felt safe once again as he believed he was back in the magical land of finance. 

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This Guy Wearing Harvard Sweatshirt Wants Everyone To Know He Got Waitlisted

“‘I got this sweatshirt on my tour of Harvard a couple of years ago, and although Harvard wasn’t the right fit for me in the end, this sweatshirt definitely is'”

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BC Football Gets Sent To Glee Club

At press time, the team was seen rehearsing a rendition of the cupid shuffle and getting slushies thrown in their face by the McKinley High football team.

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Mudstock Mud Replaced With Broken Glass

“In previous years, we’ve gone for a 50% mud, 50% glass approach”, said CAB Treasurer Lemmy C. Themdogs (MCAS ’23). “It helped to cut costs, but clearly it didn’t help to cut feet. At least not enough for our standards.”

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Hey You! Yeah You! Everyone Can Hear Your Music Through Your Headphones!
WHEREVER YOU ARE RIGHT NOW—Wow! You must be sooooooo embarrassed. Haven’t you noticed that everyone is looking at you right now? No, it’s actually really funny. Literally everyone who has ever existed on the face of this vast earth can hear your music blasting through your headphones right now. ... Read more
10 Lies To Tell Your SAP Tour To Totally Bamboozle Them

During spring, you can catch representatives from the Student Admission Program (SAP) in their natural habitat, leading herds of wild visitors through campus. Out of the many opportunities for false promises and misleading exaggerations, here are The New England Classic’s top 10 to tell your tour group.

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