The New England Classic
Local Royalist Turns Ginger Run into Running of the Bulls

“Y’know I was eight pints deep making da rounds ‘round Mod 18B moving like a priest at last call, and next ting y’know I’m horn-to-arse with a feckin’ bull charging at me like I owed it a fiver,” said Róisín MacDonagh, one of 17 redheads on the BC Irish Dance team. “My heart still felt for the poor ting y’know. Probably had no granny who loved him. No granpappy to sing it lullabies, let me tell ya.”

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LTE: Why Is My “Hookup” Showing Me His Track Highlights?

It started out over our bond for our shared love of running. Yes, he is on the BC Track Team. Yes, I only run when Two Saints gets raided, but I was honestly willing to commit to the bit for the dick.

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CSOM Student Forced To Withdrawal From “Introduction To Feminisms” After Stating Pronouns Are U/S/A

“‘Pronouns? Like a person, place, or thing? Oh yeah, I’ve got those nouns. They’re U/S/A actually,’ said Anizer while subtly flexing his straight-from-the-plex bicep pump.”

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10 Questions The Marriage Pact Missed

“The Classic set out to research: How can we make the Marriage Pact even more accurate? The following are additional questions that would guarantee 100% matches for all students across campus.”

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Theater Kid Friend Could’ve Gone Broadway If He Hadn’t Torn His ACL

Alas, one fateful day during his senior year production of SpongeBob: The Musical, Threat’s Broadway dreams were shattered when he broke a leg slipping on an unfortunately placed banana peel during final dress rehearsals.

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“Cultured” Students Return From Abroad: Campus Pickpocketing At A High

For those who stayed on campus in the Fall semester, get ready to lose your sanity hearing your acquaintance gab about their “eye-opening experiences”, along with maybe losing your wallet in your backpack when around them.

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An Overdue Celebration: Happy Men’s Week from The New England Classic!

Drink some beer. Cheat on your girlfriend. Call your mom a bitch. Eat some raw meat. Shoot a gun. Ball out. Go fucking crazy. This week is for us. Let’s bring back manly men.

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Liz Cheney Found Searching Through Upper Dorms, Claims To Find Weapons of Mass Destruction
WHEREVER THE OIL IS — Former U.S. Representative Liz Cheney is set to speak at the Council for Women at Boston College Colloquium as part of her national tour to make everyone forget the actions of her father, aptly named former Vice President of the United States and Emperor-elect... Read more
Yikes! My Priest Is Texting On The Other Side Of The Confessional

“While most priests hold this as one of their highest duties to God, some priests like to get a little wacky after a few too many sips of Christ blood.”

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LTE: Who Put Me In Charge Of Coordinating Fall Break For Every College Ever

If it weren’t for me, you fuckers wouldn’t be watching a Morgan Wallen cosplayer at a bar in Nashville.

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