The New England Classic
“Crappy Asstivities Bored” And 13 Other Alternate Acronyms For CAB
Feel free to use any of these with your friends! Car Acquisition Board Cock and Balls Chowder and Biscuits Clowns and Bozo Crabs and Bivalves Cash and Bitches Crappy Asstivities Bored Clemson Always Bus Crimes Against Baldwin Cruisin’ Around Boston Christopher Andrew Bernard Club Au Baking Checks And Balances... Read more
Ultimate Frisbee Teams Throw Pizzas Across Comm. Ave, Receive Crazy Dough’s Sponsorship

After getting the green light from the owner of Dough’s, Roni knew that she needed to get as many hands on deck as possible. She sent a text to Veggie Dude (CSOM ’22), captain of the Men’s Club Ultimate Frisbee team, to ask if his team could offer a few handlers. He was initially skeptical but eventually got on board. “I didn’t want to say yes at first because I knew I’d have a few beers in me, but then I remembered I play almost every club game drunk.”

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Pontius Pilate: Slay Or Nay?
JERUSALEM– Well, it’s that time of the year again. Many students have fled campus in hordes, ready to celebrate Holy Week in their hometowns of Just Outside New York, Near Chicago, and Western Mass. And as Easter approaches, that means it’s time for the New England Classic’s annual analysis... Read more
11 Can’t Miss Items From Richdale’s
RICHDALE FOOD SHOPS – Found across the street from St. Ignatius, Richdale’s is a hotspot for Boston College students looking to purchase marked up Lunchables or microwavable poke bowls. There are plenty of highlights of the legendary Comm. Ave. marketplace; here are the top eleven. The Row Dedicated Entirely... Read more
Student Walks By Admissions Tour With Mature Confidence, Everybody Cheers

Members of the tour group reported that Richie Walker (MCAS ’23) caught all of their attention as he walked by them. Their tour guide kept speaking, but all of their gazes were glued to this BC Adonis and his powerful stride. Once he passed the oggly spectators, they all cheered for him, some even clad with cowbells and megaphones.

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Tinder Date Says There’ll Be Eight Inches of Snow; Probably Gonna Be More Like Five

In an effort to clear any confusion, Pump said, “Eight inches. It’s gonna snow eight inches. And who even cares exactly how many inches it snows? And honestly eight inches is too much snow anyways. If it snowed five and a half inches I think that’d be the perfect amount.”

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BC Club Lacrosse Has Away Games This Weekend; Campus Rejoices

“Let us rejoice, and be glad!” said Father Moly, “For Boston College Men’s Club Lacrosse will be out of Boston from Friday to Sunday!” St. Ignatius erupted into raucous cheers the likes of which haven’t been heard since the church’s inception 96 years ago.

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Lessons Learned From Last Sunday’s Snowstorm

“What we found was that the aerodynamics of the coffin meant that the opposing forces of the snow didn’t allow for maximum kinetic energy on the acceleration of velocity so the resistance resulted in very little quarks,” remarked Freddy’s super smart friend, Philip Payne (MCAS ’25).

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Polyamorous Couple Celebrates With Valentine’s White Elephant

Love is in the air, and although you’re completely alone and depressed shitless this Valentine’s Day (calling your mom crying about how your Marriage Pact didn’t respond to your email), Denny Luvsalot (MCAS ’23) is left struggling to come up with unique gifts for each of his four (4) lovers. Luvsalot, the elected representative of his polyamorous relationship, decided to forgo the typical 20 boxes of chocolate and bouquets this year for a cheaper, more sustainable option: a White Elephant gift exchange.

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Warning: Couples Are Gonna Get Snowballed

Year after year, lone Eagles have been subject to the brutally humbling experience of watching PDA during the winter time. So what if they seem to understand you like no one else ever has? Holding hands is Gross. We’ve crunched the numbers, and it’s bad; couples on campus have a 100% risk of experiencing getting snowballed by me.

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