Spooky! Girlfriend Wonders Why Boyfriend’s Yellow Minion Costume Turned Green Hot
Campus CultureSpookyStudent Life October 29, 2026
“She eventually saw big, blue handprints on “his tight short-shorts” and that same paint lining his whale tail as he turned toward the bathroom.”
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2 Dead, 13 Injured, And 4 Missing After Fr. Jack’s Post-Inauguration Rave
ButlerCampus CultureUncategorized October 20, 2026
After what many are calling the “low-kirkenuinely most lit” night in Boston College history, the world is left wondering what went wrong.
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Alumni Breaking Into Your Mod Says It’s Chill Because He “Lived Here In ’81”
Campus CultureDorm StuffResLife October 16, 2026
The Classic spoke to former 29A resident Reilly Unc (CSON ’26) about the Alumni Weekend 2025. “So basically, I come home from the game and find some old guy in my bed taking a nap with my Lola Blanket,” said Unc. She continued, “When I went to confront him, he was like ‘nah, nah it’s chill I lived here in ’81.’” Anyways, I dragged him by his disgusting white beard and kicked him out.”
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Blimey! Exchange Student From Liverpool Buzzin’ For Fr. Jack’s “Coronation”
AbroadButlerCampus Culture October 15, 2026
“I know it’s a wee silly for a Liverpool bloke like me to love all this royalty shit, but me mums and I just love following the royal family. To be honest, all this coronation buzz reminds me of home,” said Blynders.
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“It’s Actually Kind Of Underground…” WZBC Host Is Going To “Music City” For Fall Break
Campus CultureStudent Life October 9, 2026
The itinerary for Indy’s weekend includes trips to grassroot speakeasies featuring bluegrass acoustic girl bands, Dollywood, and a local brewery for pumpkin IPAs.
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When Mr. Bates’ superior told him that “single ladies love this event” and he should “only order roses,” Bates began to pick up on what was going on.
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BCPD Declares War On Fun
Campus CultureSports September 30, 2026
“Students are simply enjoying themselves too much,” said BCPD Chief Happ E. Nesshater, during a recent press conference. “That’s why we are announcing our War on Fun. It is important to the Jesuit values of this institution that all student tomfoolery, lollygagging, horsin’ around, monkey business, dilly-dallying, and shenanigans be crushed under the righteous boot of justice.”
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Jesus Turns Water Into Iced Brown Sugar Shaken Espresso For Espresso Your Faith Week
Campus CultureJesuits September 24, 2026
“I was pretty religious before, but when I saw that Jesus charged 70 cents extra for oatmilk, I started to rethink my faith altogether,” said Theo Logical (MCAS ‘28). “But, my flex dollars just ran out this morning, so safe to say my faith has been reaffirmed.”
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Eaters Rejoice As Women’s Center Now Offers “Cookie Mondays”
Campus CultureWTF September 21, 2026
Every Monday, the girls gather to munch cookies straight from the box, all while washing them down with the event’s signature accompaniments: oat milk and cranberry juice. Organizers insist the event is exactly what it sounds like: women coming together to eat cookies.
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