The New England Classic
Pick Me Guy Walks Into Friendsgiving, Says “Where My Thanks At”

The latest showing of Latz’s pick me tendencies came Saturday night when he showed up five minutes late to his upstairs neighbors’ Friendsgiving dinner and began asking every person at the function, “Where my thanks at?”

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Receipt Reveals That Student Actually Did Order A Side Of Bug
MCELROY COMMONS — Public scrutiny of Boston College Dining Services (BCDS) is higher than ever after student Damie J’Ambra (MCAS ’25) found a giant black bug in their meal. After a photo of the bug was published and quickly became viral on Monday, many students were questioning what BCDS... Read more
Due To Warm Weather, UCS Starts Support Group For Canada Goose Owners

“This warm weather has gotten really concerning lately,” said Sue Warm (CSOM ’25). “It shouldn’t be 65 degrees in November– it’s just not natural. We are biologically inclined to be wearing our Canada Goose jackets at this time of the year. Repressing this instinct is making us all feel super depressed. I’m so depressed, I’ve only been using Olaplex steps 3-5. I’m too depressed to even use steps 6-9.”

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Guy Who Hates Christmas Ready To Make It His Whole Personality

Neighbor Holly Day (LSOE ’23) said, “My roommates and I were just enjoying our evening, stringing lights in the living room, when all of a sudden there was a deafening knock on the door. When I opened the door, I was greeted by a fervent noise complaint from an angry man in a nightcap who looked like he could have been either 22 or 82.”

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SPOOKY: Blandest Person You Know Going As Maddy From Euphoria For Halloween

One young avant-garde, Mary Muhndane (MCAS ’25), was blessed with a stroke of genius with the most original idea to go as Maddy from the little-watched trauma porn, I mean show, Euphoria, on HBO.

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Game Of Thrones Spin-Off “House Of Roncastle” Coming To HBO In Spring 2023

House of Roncastle is to be a 10-episode-long tale of the illustrious Roncalli Hall, a safe haven for neglected and worthless sophomores of Boston College.

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5 Rights You Need To Know Before Appearing In Homecoming Court

Before appearing in homecoming court on Friday, be sure to remember these FIVE Constitutionally-protected legal rights. Don’t let your freedom be compromised!

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Squash Team Eagerly Awaits Selection At Fall Harvest

For the past ten years, BC squashes have consistently been rated #1 in plumpness, #3 in unwarranted big ego, and #867 in general wanker-ness by the New England Parental Organization of Talented International Squash Mothers (N.E.P.O.T.I.S.M.).

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Colorblind Student Disappointed With First New England Fall

“I don’t get it. The colors aren’t that different. They’re just like… muted? Sure, the trees are little bit grayer than normal. That’s cool, I guess. I just feel like I’m missing something.”

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Parents Weakened? Yeah, My Parents Were Weakened By The 2008 Recession!

Hessian and her family were drastically affected by the housing crisis of the late 2010s. Her father, a sketchy mortgage lender, was allegedly responsible for the utter decimation of housing prices in the New York City suburban area.

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