The New England Classic
LTE: All Good Deeds Are Inherently Selfish

At the end of the day are we not just serving ourselves? I over serve myself in alcohol and you over serve yourself in the reception of gratitude and acknowledgement, are we both not drunk?

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Freshman Failing Lit Core Claims Taylor Swift’s “The Tortured Poets Department” Is “Literally Her”

‘Well, Travis obviously inspired a lot on the album. I feel the same inspiration for my Insta stories from my boyfriend, Noah. He was a second string quarterback in high school, so… we get it.’

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10 Surefire Ways To Secure Beanpot Tickets

However, the Classic has come across an exclusive list of the tasks required for students to get their grubby little mitts on some highly-coveted tickets to the big game.

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Chocolate Bar Introduces Screens To Entertain Impatient iPad Kids

At press time, drooling students were seen gathering in a concert-sized crowd as the lead student completed an extremely difficult level of Geometry Dash — with a hydraulic press video in the background.

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“We’re Just Like Taylor And Travis” Says Acapella Lead And Her Club Golf Boyfriend

“’Karma is the guy on the Green, golfing straight home to me.’” 

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BREAKING: Part Two of THE PATH Revealed

Sure, you might have seen the first page of #THEPATH, which includes things like the Eagles having to win out the league and Virginia having to beat Louisville in the games this weekend, but little did readers know that there was an entire second side of #THEPATH.

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Arrupe Volunteer Gave Me A Wedgie And Stole My Lunch Money

Shrouded in the mystique of do-goodery and philanthropy, these “arrupites,” as The Classic calls them, greet hungry students with puppy eyes, outstretched palms, and wide open pockets. Arrupe is their name and greed is their game.

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Man Wearing Shorts in November Shocked You Didn’t Ask if He’s Cold

Donning 7-inch inseam chinos and the gifted polo he got from his internship at Liberty Mutual this summer, Larsson was expecting (and hoping) that at least one person would tell him he’s crazy for going out in 40-degree weather in shorts. 

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Spooky! My Life Sucks Because I Didn’t Send that Text Chain in Sixth Grade

“’It all started when I was twelve, after I ignored a chain text one of my so-called friends sent me. I should have known to take the ghoul’s curse seriously,’ Fortune told the Classic.”

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SPOOKY: Your Boyfriend is a Little TOO Excited to be Ken

Halloweekend is almost here, an exciting weekend filled with binge-drinking, slutty little costumes, and an excuse to post yet another photo dump of you and your eight-man on your Instagram! This is also a great weekend to hard-launch your boyfriend of three days with a couples costume, which is exactly what B. Eared (CSON ‘26) is planning on doing with the love of her life, Klaus Ette (MCAS ‘26).

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