The New England Classic
University Confirms Nicotine Patches To Be Sold At Concessions
YAWKEY ATHLETIC CENTER — In a controversial press release, Boston College Athletic Director Patrick Kraft announced on Saturday that the University had approved the sale of nicotine patches in Alumni Stadium and Conte Forum. The specialty patches, reportedly dubbed “EagleBuzz”, will join the 2018 inclusion of beer and wine... Read more
LTE: I Am The Tiny Door Into Eagles, And There Is No Escape
I should have been an emergency fire exit in Higgins, or a reflection room door on Newton campus. A sane man would have put me anywhere else. Instead, I am the Super Tiny Door Into Eagles.  The tastiest licks in all of BC lie behind my hinges: soup with... Read more
Report: “Hey, You’ve Got A Little Something On Your–”
STOKES LAWN — A discovery by the NEC Sandwichlight team has uncovered multiple damning reports alleging that hundreds of Boston College students have suspicious smudges of dirt on their foreheads. Reports began piling up early this morning and have not died down all day.  Junior Katy Chisim told The... Read more
O’Neill Answer Wall Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s
ST. ELIZABETH’S HOSPITAL — Following months of intensive consultations, representatives of the Thomas P. O’Neill estate announced on Monday that the famed O’Neill Library Answer Wall, which has been candidly answering anonymous questions since 2017, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. “We were deeply saddened when we received the... Read more
Campus Pizzas Rushing To Find Valentine’s Day Presents For Sophomore Girlfriends
CLEVELAND CIRCLE — Valentine’s Day has once again snuck up on Boston College boyfriends. The last-minute dash for the perfect gift has flooded the aisles of CVS and the Hillside bookstore with freshmen, seniors, and pizzas.  Alyssa Ashbury (LSEHD ’22) told the Classic she usually spends the holiday alone... Read more
Laundry Pile Becomes Sentient, Asks “What Are We?”
IGNACIO HALL — Senior Rachel Anthony had the shock of a lifetime on Wednesday morning when her three-week-old laundry pile questioned her about the status of their relationship. The laundry pile had been slowly growing under her bed for the last 21 days, and now was ready to define... Read more
New Children’s Book Space Opens in O’Neill for CSOM Students
O’NEILL LIBRARY — Boston College Libraries introduced a new space for students in the Carroll School of Management in which they can peruse children’s books on days when they don’t have homework, which is most days. The new room on the fifth floor of the library, called the Profit... Read more
History Major Finds Success At Renaissance Fair
MARGOT CONNELL RECREATION CENTER — Disgruntled history major, Andrew Llyod-Webber (MCAS ’21), found unanticipated success during the Career Fair this afternoon. After printing out his resume and and placing it neatly in a folder, Webber made his way from his off-campus residence to the Margot Connell Recreation Center, but... Read more
Mods Turn 50, Still Dating 21-Year-Old
THE MODULARS — The temporary housing units known as the ‘Mods’, beloved by seniors and yearned after by freshmen, celebrate their fiftieth birthday this year.  The Mods are often featured on Instagram and other forms of social media, and recently a picture of them with Kelly O’Brian (LOSE ’21),... Read more
CAB Offering $20 Kohls Cash To Boston City Limits Attendees
For more timely, gripping, and mustard-slathered content, look out for our end of semester print issue. Read more