The New England Classic
Five Reasons You Should Skip Class and Watch the Construction Men, Hard At Work In Their Big Trucks
Class is only fun when movies. Usually teacher will only talk about stuff that is boring and makes me exhausted. Most of the time I am not listening because I am too busy thinking about trucks. But if there is YouTube or movie I will probably pay attention though.... Read more
Professor Asks For Name, Major, And Scopa Tu Manaa

“Like, not to Bomboclaat, but she looks like how I feel about dropping this class.” 

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Student Takes Break From The Grind To Remind Social Media Followers The Grind Never Stops
O’NEILL LIBRARY — After waking up early to secure a desk cubicle on the fourth floor of O’Neill Library, Andrea Thompson (MCAS ’21) took a break from studying for her Introduction to Genomics final exam to upload a post to her Instagram story reminding her followers that “The Grind... Read more
Tornado Slams Into Carney, Causes $10 Million Worth Of Improvements
CARNEY HALL – This year’s unseasonable weather took another unexpected turn on Saturday as a tornado touched down on campus, curiously targeting only Carney Hall. However, the value of the land actually increased despite the fact that the entire structure was destroyed. This orphanage of arts and sciences bastard... Read more
Fucking Idiot Who Didn’t Lock The Door To The One-Person Bathroom Deserved To Be Walked In On
O’NEILL LIBRARY — Following a drawn-out investigation, the Boston College Board of Student Conduct deemed that Jared O’Ryan (CSOM ’23) deserved to be walked in on after neglecting to lock the door to the one-person bathroom in O’Neill Library. O’Ryan, no longer a “newbie” on campus having been here... Read more
Student Services: “Pee After Registration Or You’ll Get A UIS”
For more tips and tricks, read our print issue this December. Read more
New Study Finds 32% of Freshmen Lose Virginity While Wearing Agape Latte Shirt

Boston College Sex Freshmen

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Spooky! Jake Celebrating Halloween By Ghosting You
UNKNOWN LOCATION — Despite your Snapchat streak, double texts, and dinner dates at Lower over the past month, Jake Miller (CSOM ’21) has reportedly decided to embrace the Halloween spirit this year by ghosting you.  While most celebrate the holiday by carving pumpkins, dressing up, and watching horror movies,... Read more
Are You A Friend Of The Good, A Friend Of Utility, Or That Friend Who Is The Funny One Of The Group But Uses Humor To Mask The Absence Of Real Connection With Your Friends And Who Often Feels Like You Lack A Core Group Of Your Own People?
Campus VSCO Girls Successfully Unionize
O’NEILL PLAZA — Seeking a unified representative body and the right to collectively bargain with outside parties, Boston College’s VSCO community announced on Tuesday the successful filing and formation of a union under University oversight. Citing multiple cases of intellectual theft by a number of anonymous Boston College students,... Read more