The New England Classic
Dropkick Murphys Cover Band Actually The Dropkick Murphys
BOSTON COMMON — Hundreds of Red Sox fans were left astonished yesterday after learning that the Dropkick Murphys cover band at the team’s victory parade was in fact the actual Dropkick Murphys. The band was situated on one of the first duck boats in the parade procession, which passed... Read more
Comm. Ave Bus Flipped As Sox Fans Destroy City They Love
COMMONWEALTH AVE. — On Sunday night, Boston College’s Red Sox fans celebrated the team’s World Series victory against the L.A. Dodgers. As the game came to a close, the boys on the eighth floor of Walsh cooked up the most genius play of the night. “Bros, how wild would... Read more
Fr. Leahy Has Great Day At Boston Pride
CITY HALL PLAZA — President William P. Leahy, S.J. let his hair down Saturday at the annual Boston Pride Parade before returning to his poorly lit fourth-floor office in St. Mary’s Hall that night. Eyewitnesses reported (with surprise) that Fr. Leahy exchanged his usual black cassock for a pair... Read more
Addazio To Miss Fenway Game Due To Fear Of Green Monster
FENWAY PARK — Stating that they always knew this was a possibility, sources within BC Athletics report that head coach Steve Addazio is expected to miss this weekend’s football game against UConn due to his immense phobia of the “Green Monster.” While ardent Boston sports fans may know that the Green... Read more
Tough Guy Still Wearing Shorts
WALSH HALL — After a grueling process of deliberation, the coveted honor of “Toughest Guy on Campus” was unanimously awarded to local student Hunter McGlintey (CSOM ‘20), who has continued to wear shorts into the frigid 40 degree temperatures of recent weeks. In a recent interview outside of his... Read more
BC Bubble Boy Contracts Flesh Eating Bacteria On The Green Line
ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — One Boston College sophomore remains in critical condition today after contracting a deadly strain of bacteria on the B Line this past weekend. The student, identified only as “Ben,” was reportedly just “trying to see what’s off campus” and “break the BC bubble” when... Read more
MBTA B Line Renovation Will Add 47 New Stops
NEAR DUNKIN DONUTS — The Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (MBTA) announced this week that it will be redesigning the “B” Branch of the Green Line to include significantly more stops. The current plan, announced at Boston City Hall yesterday, slates for 47 new stops on the “B” line, which according... Read more
Purveyor Of High Culture Spends Afternoon At MFA
MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS, BOSTON — Speaking to a mob of reporters while walking down the museum’s front steps, sophomore Paula Monay (MCAS ‘19) confirmed the rumors that she had indeed spent her Sunday afternoon looking at some of the finest art Boston has to offer. “The Frida Khalo... Read more
Boston Strong: This Freshman Almost Threw Up, But Didn’t!
COMM. AVE — In a display of strength and resolve to rival that of Boston’s colonial freedom fighters, freshman Brock Barth (MCAS ’19) reportedly fought and conquered the urge to vomit while watching today’s marathon. Barth had woken up at 6:00 AM to begin “crushing” the 36 pack of... Read more