The New England Classic
Student Vapers Decide To Play It Safe And Chain Smoke Cigarettes
RICHDALE FOOD SHOPS — After Governor Charlie Baker finalized the state-wide vape ban on Tuesday, Boston College Juulers announced their plans to take the “responsible course of action” and begin chain smoking cigarettes until electronic vaping devices are declared completely safe.  “I know exactly how horrible cigarettes are for... Read more
Embarrassing! Tom Brady Accidentally Kisses His Wife Instead Of His Kids
ATLANTA — In one of the most egregiously humiliating gaffes of the 21st century, Tom Brady kissed Giselle Bündchen, wife of almost 10 years, instead of his 12-year old son Jack on Sunday afternoon in the lead up to Super Bowl LIII. The Patriots quarterback reportedly kisses his son... Read more
Off-Campus Juniors Saved $183 In Heating Bill By Hosting Sweaty Parties
FOSTER STREET — After paying their most recent heating bill, the residents of 288 Foster St. have saved $183 this past December. Although Boston has been experiencing a winter with temperatures at record-breaking lows, the juniors maintained a comfortable, humid temperature in their home by hosting extremely sweaty parties... Read more
Mary Ann’s Reopens As Mary Jane’s

It is a disgrace, according to Tokin, that the only bar in the entire city of Boston is being replaced by another dispensary, and that harmless alcoholic drinks are being replaced by a dangerous, illegal substance.

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Dropkick Murphys Cover Band Actually The Dropkick Murphys
BOSTON COMMON — Hundreds of Red Sox fans were left astonished yesterday after learning that the Dropkick Murphys cover band at the team’s victory parade was in fact the actual Dropkick Murphys. The band was situated on one of the first duck boats in the parade procession, which passed... Read more
Comm. Ave Bus Flipped As Sox Fans Destroy City They Love
COMMONWEALTH AVE. — On Sunday night, Boston College’s Red Sox fans celebrated the team’s World Series victory against the L.A. Dodgers. As the game came to a close, the boys on the eighth floor of Walsh cooked up the most genius play of the night. “Bros, how wild would... Read more
Fr. Leahy Has Great Day At Boston Pride
CITY HALL PLAZA — President William P. Leahy, S.J. let his hair down Saturday at the annual Boston Pride Parade before returning to his poorly lit fourth-floor office in St. Mary’s Hall that night. Eyewitnesses reported (with surprise) that Fr. Leahy exchanged his usual black cassock for a pair... Read more
Addazio To Miss Fenway Game Due To Fear Of Green Monster
FENWAY PARK — Stating that they always knew this was a possibility, sources within BC Athletics report that head coach Steve Addazio is expected to miss this weekend’s football game against UConn due to his immense phobia of the “Green Monster.” While ardent Boston sports fans may know that the Green... Read more
Tough Guy Still Wearing Shorts
WALSH HALL — After a grueling process of deliberation, the coveted honor of “Toughest Guy on Campus” was unanimously awarded to local student Hunter McGlintey (CSOM ‘20), who has continued to wear shorts into the frigid 40 degree temperatures of recent weeks. In a recent interview outside of his... Read more
BC Bubble Boy Contracts Flesh Eating Bacteria On The Green Line
ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — One Boston College sophomore remains in critical condition today after contracting a deadly strain of bacteria on the B Line this past weekend. The student, identified only as “Ben,” was reportedly just “trying to see what’s off campus” and “break the BC bubble” when... Read more