Dorm Stuff Archives | The New England Classic

Mod Grills Migrate South For Winter Hot

Dorm Stuff Student Life November 11, 2019

CHESTNUT HILL, MA — In one of the region’s most celebrated natural phenomena, Boston College’s native genus of outdoor cooking apparatus took to the skies on Monday morning, beginning their annual exodus to the sun-drenched concrete of Florida State University. Having come to the end of their three-month tailgating... Read more

OPINION: If My Roommate Doesn’t Stop Coughing I’m Going To Drop Out Of School

Dorm Stuff Student Life October 21, 2019

Sneeze in my mouth. I’d love that. But I absolutely cannot stand to hear my direct roommate smother her satanic coughs into her pillow anymore. I’m afraid she’s going to hack up one of her lungs in the middle of the night.

Freshman Relieved To Discover Sex Is Banned In Campus Dorms

Dorm Stuff ResLife Sex October 10, 2019

DUCHESNE EAST—After actually deciding to read the Boston College housing policy, Jack McElroy (MCAS ‘23) was elated to discover that sex is banned in campus dorms. The policy, which states that “sexual activity between or among members of the same or opposite sex is prohibited in the residence halls,”... Read more

SAP Releases Fake “Community Map,” Claims Newton Campus Is Part Of The BC Community

Campus Culture Dorm Stuff ResLife October 1, 2019

DEVLIN HALL — The Student Admissions Program (SAP) came under fire Tuesday afternoon after a controversial press release stating Newton Campus is actually within the bounds of Main Campus. The release added that students on Newton could be assured that they would have an authentic experience of Chestnut Hill... Read more

Roommate’s Sex Playlist Has Too Many Disney Songs

Dorm Stuff ResLife September 19, 2019

VANDERSLICE HALL — Elizabeth Maretti (MCAS ’22) was reportedly extremely uncomfortable Saturday evening when her roommate’s boyfriend stayed the night. “I mean first of all the common room couches do not offer much back support, and also my childhood was ruined,” Maretti said of roommate’s sex playlist consisting of... Read more

Fucking Idiot In Mailroom Doesn’t Know Shelf Number

Dorm Stuff Student Life September 16, 2019

WALSH HALL — Certified idiot Max Mortimer (CSOM ‘22) arrived at the Walsh mailroom Friday afternoon intending to somehow pick up a package without knowing his shelf number. Bystanders and mailroom employees looked on as Mortimer searched his email for the vital code like a dumbass. “Uh, I have... Read more

Twenty-Five Percent Of Freshman Class Comes Down With CoRo Virus

Dorm Stuff Freshmen ResLife March 21, 2019

After previously denying its existence, Dr. Tom Nary of University Health Services has confirmed a significant outbreak of CoRo Virus, affecting one in four rising sophomores. CoRo Virus is a rare disease, with symptoms including loneliness, depression, and irrational anger at the luck the gods bestowed on you. How... Read more

How To Tell Your Ninth Friend, “It’s Not You, It’s All Eight Of Us”

Dorm Stuff Freshmen March 18, 2019

It’s that time of year again: housing season! The time of year when the “Hardey Honeys” group chat turns into “Walsh Ladies.” Every spring, the housing gods of Boston College require that you take your friends and arrange them into perfectly packaged eight-person groups. This can mean difficult discussions... Read more

Pigs Running Loose In Walsh After Student Sets Pigs Loose In Walsh

Dorm Stuff WTF February 27, 2019

WALSH HALL — It was reported around 9:45 PM on Tuesday that at least three pigs were running through the halls of the fifth floor of Walsh Hall. It was unclear where the pigs had come from or why they were there. The Boston College Police Department (BCPD) was... Read more

REPORT: Fun Roommate Not In Room

Dorm Stuff Student Life February 20, 2019

LOWER CAMPUS — Walsh Hall resident William Welch (MCAS ’21) fell victim to the old switcheroo on Wednesday when he entered his common room to find that his fun roommate was not in the room. “Oh man, I thought Adam would be in here,” Welch said. “I sorta wish... Read more