The New England Classic
Fucking Idiot In Mailroom Doesn’t Know Shelf Number
WALSH HALL — Certified idiot Max Mortimer (CSOM ‘22) arrived at the Walsh mailroom Friday afternoon intending to somehow pick up a package without knowing his shelf number.  Bystanders and mailroom employees looked on as Mortimer searched his email for the vital code like a dumbass.  “Uh, I have... Read more
Twenty-Five Percent Of Freshman Class Comes Down With CoRo Virus
After previously denying its existence, Dr. Tom Nary of University Health Services has confirmed a significant outbreak of CoRo Virus, affecting one in four rising sophomores. CoRo Virus is a rare disease, with symptoms including loneliness, depression, and irrational anger at the luck the gods bestowed on you. How... Read more
How To Tell Your Ninth Friend, “It’s Not You, It’s All Eight Of Us”
It’s that time of year again: housing season! The time of year when the “Hardey Honeys” group chat turns into “Walsh Ladies.” Every spring, the housing gods of Boston College require that you take your friends and arrange them into perfectly packaged eight-person groups. This can mean difficult discussions... Read more
Pigs Running Loose In Walsh After Student Sets Pigs Loose In Walsh
WALSH HALL — It was reported around 9:45 PM on Tuesday that at least three pigs were running through the halls of the fifth floor of Walsh Hall. It was unclear where the pigs had come from or why they were there. The Boston College Police Department (BCPD) was... Read more
REPORT: Fun Roommate Not In Room
LOWER CAMPUS — Walsh Hall resident William Welch (MCAS ’21) fell victim to the old switcheroo on Wednesday when he entered his common room to find that his fun roommate was not in the room. “Oh man, I thought Adam would be in here,” Welch said. “I sorta wish... Read more