The New England Classic
April Fools: You Were Never In The Eight-Man
UPPER CAMPUS – The nightmares of housing for rising sophomores finally came to a close this past week. Some ended up in eight mans, some in quads, and some unlucky ones even ended up in CoRo. However, for one student, the nightmare has only just begun. Lou Zehr (Lynch... Read more
Roommate’s New Year’s Resolution Seems To Be “Fart More”

“I think these under-thunders are a pretty passive-aggressive way of him asking for more alone time. This man is halfway to a charcuterie plate with all the cheese he’s been cutting. It’s unbelievable.”

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Bert and Ernie Down the Hall Look Suspiciously Like Puppets

“Whenever I dap either of them up, they can never really get the hang of it. It’s like someone else is controlling their limbs.” Commented Oscar de Grouch (MCAS ’25) “Their hands are pretty small too, I thought it was just because they’re kinda short kings, but now I think otherwise.”

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SPOOKY: Ghosts Forced To Find New Haunts Because Of Guest Policy Crackdown
GONZAGA HALL — While most BC students have been enjoying the newfound freedom of the lenient guest policies this year, one unlucky group of guys and ghouls pushed the boundaries too far this past weekend. Resident Gonzaga ghosts Larry B. Scary and Vincent Van Ghost were haunting the halls as... Read more
Weary Sophomores Defend Roncastle From Hordes Of Freshmen

A righteous group of sophomores, who just months ago found themselves on the rear end of the housing process, fashioned what weaponry they could to protect their dear fortress. Once the freshmen fired their first rock, an all-night war of bloodlust broke out.

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Wicked Pissah: Roommate Has Strong Stream
WALSH HALL — Students were disrupted late Sunday night by what reportedly sounded like a firehose from the bathroom of Suite 304. Reports indicate that this was no ordinary tinkle, but instead was categorized by Boston-based experts as a “Wicked Pissah.” The Classic obtained access to reports from the... Read more
16 Signs There’s A Furry Sleeping Next To You

“In front of Gasson, they give what sounds like a deep, guttural bark back at Molly. Actually, it was probably towards her owner. You forgive it immediately.”

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MUN Roommate Needs You To Be Quiet So That They Can Launch A Missile

“I was the one who got to announce that the projectiles had entered foreign airspace, so I really just needed the dorm quiet for a hot minute.”

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Ten Dorm Decorations That Are Absolutely Red Flags
Whether you’re going over to someone’s dorm to seal the deal, work with a classmate on a group project, or you’re an RA who’s about to inform residents that they’ve been suspended by the University — nothing says more about the person living in a room than how they... Read more
Girl Barefoot In Bathroom Definitely Has Kinky Sex

“She talks about ‘impact play’ a lot but I just assumed it was some kind of workout, like HIIT or something.”

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