Dorm Stuff Archives | The New England Classic

Spooky: A Ghost Stole My Red Tab!

Dorm Stuff Spooky October 26, 2020

“The only spirit I know is Holy, and He would never commit such a heinous act.”

Rats in Walsh Lose Housing For Being in 8-Man Without Mask

Coronavirus Dorm Stuff October 9, 2020

“According to the report, all eight indicted inhabitants of the room were inside, along with ten other guests. Everybody present was described as being a ‘small-to-medium sized rodent with brown fur.’ No member of either party was a BC student, nor were they properly equipped with masks.”

Entire Dorm Chants “Kairos”, Public School Freshman Scared And Confused

Campus Culture Dorm Stuff Freshmen October 6, 2020

UPPER CAMPUS — Last Saturday night, hundreds of desperate freshmen swarmed Upper Campus in an attempt to meet fellow first-years. Once there, however, reports state that a “large, rabid circle” formed on the basketball court and began chanting in unison while a freshman in the middle rolled back and... Read more

University Suspends Three Persons of God for Violating Guest Policy

Coronavirus Dorm Stuff Drinking October 5, 2020

“After we stuffed the Holy Spirit behind the shower curtain, I tried to explain that we’re Three Persons, One God, so we should be exempt… they couldn’t seem to grasp the concept. BC is really going to regret doing this. Do they know who my Father is?”

“Who Even Gives A Shit Anymore?”: Furry Spotted On Newton Campus

Dorm Stuff Freshmen Sex October 1, 2020

“Yeah, man, I guess this sort of thing used to be a big deal. Any other week, honestly. But none of us can be bothered to give this kid the gaping, slack-jawed, sickened glares he’s so clearly begging for.”

The New England Classic Quarantine Guide

Coronavirus Dorm Stuff August 28, 2020

Start your worst year of college off on your best foot!

Roommate Thinks She Can Just Come Into The Room Whenever She Wants

Dorm Stuff Student Life February 25, 2020

“Like, this isn’t a fuckin’ corner store,” Purcell said. “You can’t just be walking in here anytime you want, day and night. People live here. I need privacy.”

Campus Ninth Men Unionize To Avoid Living On CoRo

Dorm Stuff Freshmen ResLife February 18, 2020

STUART HALL — In a press conference Tuesday morning, “ninth men” across campus announced that they have officially formed a union. The leader of the new union, Sarah Shaughnessy (MCAS ’21), spoke to reporters at the event. “For too long, the folks in the ninth spot in a room... Read more

Future Doctor Has No Qualms About Peeing On Toilet Seat

Dorm Stuff School February 12, 2020

RADNOR ROAD — Sources have confirmed that Colin Egesta (MCAS ’21), who is on the pre-med track and intends to pursue a career as a doctor, doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he habitually pees on the toilet seat. Egesta’s housemates told The Classic that, although he... Read more

Laundry Pile Becomes Sentient, Asks “What Are We?”

Campus Culture Dorm Stuff February 5, 2020

IGNACIO HALL — Senior Rachel Anthony had the shock of a lifetime on Wednesday morning when her three-week-old laundry pile questioned her about the status of their relationship. The laundry pile had been slowly growing under her bed for the last 21 days, and now was ready to define... Read more