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Jesuits Mandate White Tank Tops And Lots Of Water for Mudstock
April 30, 2025
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Marathon Runner Revived By Pink Whitney Nip
April 21, 2025
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LTE: Jesus Ascended? I Thought That Was Girls-Only?
April 20, 2025
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Barack Obama Added As Introductory Commencement Speaker
April 16, 2025
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Man Cooks Up ALC Showdown Parlay Following Tragic March Madness Bracket Loss
April 11, 2025
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Rising Senior Suspiciously, Concerningly, Creepily Excited To Take Freshman Courses
April 10, 2025
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Pro-Life Club Sponsors Baby Petting Zoo
April 9, 2025
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10 Tariffs To Be Enacted Over The Next Month
April 8, 2025
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Phew! Pre-Med Man Has Some Advice For Your Period Cramps!
April 7, 2025
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Male Feminist Really Wants To Fu-Focus On BC WLAX
April 4, 2025
“Like, this isn’t a fuckin’ corner store,” Purcell said. “You can’t just be walking in here anytime you want, day and night. People live here. I need privacy.”
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STUART HALL — In a press conference Tuesday morning, “ninth men” across campus announced that they have officially formed a union. The leader of the new union, Sarah Shaughnessy (MCAS ’21), spoke to reporters at the event. “For too long, the folks in the ninth spot in a room...
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RADNOR ROAD — Sources have confirmed that Colin Egesta (MCAS ’21), who is on the pre-med track and intends to pursue a career as a doctor, doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he habitually pees on the toilet seat. Egesta’s housemates told The Classic that, although he...
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IGNACIO HALL — Senior Rachel Anthony had the shock of a lifetime on Wednesday morning when her three-week-old laundry pile questioned her about the status of their relationship. The laundry pile had been slowly growing under her bed for the last 21 days, and now was ready to define...
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CHESTNUT HILL, MA — In one of the region’s most celebrated natural phenomena, Boston College’s native genus of outdoor cooking apparatus took to the skies on Monday morning, beginning their annual exodus to the sun-drenched concrete of Florida State University. Having come to the end of their three-month tailgating...
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Sneeze in my mouth. I’d love that. But I absolutely cannot stand to hear my direct roommate smother her satanic coughs into her pillow anymore. I’m afraid she’s going to hack up one of her lungs in the middle of the night.
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DUCHESNE EAST—After actually deciding to read the Boston College housing policy, Jack McElroy (MCAS ‘23) was elated to discover that sex is banned in campus dorms. The policy, which states that “sexual activity between or among members of the same or opposite sex is prohibited in the residence halls,”...
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DEVLIN HALL — The Student Admissions Program (SAP) came under fire Tuesday afternoon after a controversial press release stating Newton Campus is actually within the bounds of Main Campus. The release added that students on Newton could be assured that they would have an authentic experience of Chestnut Hill...
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VANDERSLICE HALL — Elizabeth Maretti (MCAS ’22) was reportedly extremely uncomfortable Saturday evening when her roommate’s boyfriend stayed the night. “I mean first of all the common room couches do not offer much back support, and also my childhood was ruined,” Maretti said of roommate’s sex playlist consisting of...
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WALSH HALL — Certified idiot Max Mortimer (CSOM ‘22) arrived at the Walsh mailroom Friday afternoon intending to somehow pick up a package without knowing his shelf number. Bystanders and mailroom employees looked on as Mortimer searched his email for the vital code like a dumbass. “Uh, I have...
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