WALSH HALL — The Office of Residential Life received numerous reports of paranormal activity this weekend, as a group of eight sophomores claimed that a ghoulish, ghastly spirit broke the red tabs off of their suite’s common room window. The existence of this spooky, kooky ghost, whom the eight witnesses have purportedly named Greg, is very much in question by some ResLife employees.
“This is an open and shut case. There is no ghost, and I refuse to let these criminals get away with what they did,” said Resident Assistant Penny Wiese (MCAS ‘21).
Resident Minister Charles Townshoe offered similar skepticism. “The only spirit I know is Holy, and He would never commit such a heinous act.”
ResLife stands to gain $800 from this incident, as the fine for broken window tabs is $100 per person. This potential reward has motivated even the most paranoid ResLife employees, including Resident Director Ichabod C. Rayne.
“The eight residents claim that they remember nothing from that night. What causes memory loss? Sure, alcohol and other substances, but the residents aren’t 21. They couldn’t have been using anything like that, because that’s illegal. My theory is that ‘Greg’ passed through all of their bodies after he broke the tabs and erased their memories from the previous 10 minutes or so. That is the only explanation. That being said, it would be nice to get the 800 bucks. It would easily cover the Custom Ink order of RHA sweatshirts that no one will buy,” Rayne said.
At press time, Greg’s presence was felt in the suite across the hall, replacing surge protectors with power strips and filling the refrigerator with an 18-pack of Sour Apple FourLoko™.