The New England Classic
5 Signs That Your Sorry Ass Got Dropped From The 8-Man

Sadly, much like Julius Caesar or Meghan Markle, many students are about to find themselves stabbed in the back by those they once called friends.

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Spooky: Roommate Seriously Considering Sexy RBG Costume
WALSH HALL — Recent reports from multiple Walsh residents have confirmed that local roommate and VSCO girl Sarah Sleshinger was seriously considering a “sexy RBG” costume for this Halloween. The costume, consisting of only the little white collar-thing and a gavel in the shape of a penis, was purchased... Read more
Spooky: It’s Not Me, It’s You

“It’s kind of sad, but I really can’t say that I’m to blame.”

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Spooky: BC Bookstore Sale Offering 20% Off Your Life Expectancy

I felt a phantasm of my mother’s being beckoning me, like a tether to this corporeal realm, and as she called me back from the darkness, she whispered, ‘Get your father and I “BC Mom and Dad” fleece jackets, sweetie.

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Spooky: A Ghost Stole My Red Tab!

“The only spirit I know is Holy, and He would never commit such a heinous act.”

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Pumpkin Sues BC EMS For Botched Surgery
GABELLI HALL — Dreams of a blissful thot-umn were thrown into uncertainty when news broke that Doctorina Miami (CSON ‘22), Vice President of Boston College EMS, was being sued for medical malpractice and emotional distress by a pumpkin she carved earlier this week. “I was just trying to be... Read more
Bapst Library Unveiled As A Spirit Halloween Store Following Renovation
LINDEN LANE — After months of ongoing construction, scaffolding was finally removed from the façade of the Bapst Library early this week, revealing that the library is now home to a Spirit Halloween store. The store’s arrival marked the official kickoff to Spooky Season for residents on the Heights.... Read more
Spooky! I Don’t Remember What I Said In My Last Snap
For more spooky, bone-chilling satire, look out for our print issue. Coming to a library near you, December 2019! Read more
Spooky! The CAB Hypnotist Converted This Junior To Judaism
O’CONNELL HOUSE — A Campus Activities Board event gained a little more chutzpah Tuesday when hypnotist Chris Jones converted a student to Judaism. Halfway through the show, Jones called Matthew Doyle (CSOM ‘21, BC High ‘17) up to the stage to be hypnotized. According to eyewitness reports, Jones pulled... Read more
Spooky! My Girlfriend Must Be A Vampire Because She Keeps Leaving Bite Marks On My Roommate’s Neck
Halloween has always been a time of year filled with spooks, scares and surprises, but none have ever been quite as startling as this: my girlfriend of two years is a vampire.  I know it sounds strange, but there’s no other explanation. My suspicions started about a month ago... Read more