The New England Classic
Spooky! My Life Sucks Because I Didn’t Send that Text Chain in Sixth Grade

“’It all started when I was twelve, after I ignored a chain text one of my so-called friends sent me. I should have known to take the ghoul’s curse seriously,’ Fortune told the Classic.”

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SPOOKY: Your Boyfriend is a Little TOO Excited to be Ken

Halloweekend is almost here, an exciting weekend filled with binge-drinking, slutty little costumes, and an excuse to post yet another photo dump of you and your eight-man on your Instagram! This is also a great weekend to hard-launch your boyfriend of three days with a couples costume, which is exactly what B. Eared (CSON ‘26) is planning on doing with the love of her life, Klaus Ette (MCAS ‘26).

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SPOOKY: Freshman Ridiculed For Not Wearing Halloween Costume On Halloween

“Don’t be all uncool and skip out on wearing a costume because I’m being serious when I say EVERYONE wears costumes for Halloween classes.”

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SPOOKY: Hillside Halloween Decorations Come To Life, Eat All The Frips

“First thing I noticed were the decorations, them being alive and all I mean,” said Einstein. “The second thing I noticed was that we were all out of Frips.”

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SPOOKY: Blandest Person You Know Going As Maddy From Euphoria For Halloween

One young avant-garde, Mary Muhndane (MCAS ’25), was blessed with a stroke of genius with the most original idea to go as Maddy from the little-watched trauma porn, I mean show, Euphoria, on HBO.

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SPOOKY: I Got Sent TOO Many Condomgrams

Talherpes soon came to understand that her boyfriend was sending her these candy bags filled with cryptic messages about her sexual health. For Talherpes, the condomgrams quickly lost their shine and became signs of a potential medical emergency.

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SPOOKY: Father Leahy To Dress As Active Member Of Community For Halloween
HELL — Celebrities: they’re just like us. Sources report that Father Leahy has been repeatedly spotted ravaging through his glass closet for the perfect set of costumes for Halloweekend. After choosing to save slutty nun and climate terrorist for Saturday and Sunday; Father Leahy still needed to find the... Read more
SPOOKY: Chocolate Bar To Hire Ghosts as Seasonal Employees
STOKES SOUTH — Due to a recent shortage in staffing, Stokes Hall’s beloved Chocolate Bar has been forced to shut down once again. Luckily for cacao- and caffeine-deprived students, BC Dining has announced a plan to dip into the largely unemployed ghost population present at Boston College. When asked about... Read more
Spooky: Someone Did The Dishes and It Wasn’t Me!

“I felt like I had walked into an episode of The Twilight Zone. Only something supernatural could have accomplished what the seven able bodied inhabitants of my 8-man seem incapable of doing.”

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SPOOKY! Casper Grew Up, and He’s Anti-Vaxx

Mr. Ghost began his presentation by calling the Pfizer vaccine “Commy Kool-Aid”, and global lockdowns “nothing more than an attempt to keep old guys like me off the streets.”

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