Inside Scoop! Two Friends 10 Back Up Excuses for Fading MarMon Released

THE MOD LOT — As the kegs were tapped, the runners were bused to Hopkinton, and the cops mounted their bicycles, an eerie silence fell over the Mod Lot. Much to the chagrin of the twenty freshmen who had purchased tickets, the white men responsible for “Big Bootie Mixes 1-26,” known professionally as Two Friends, had announced the cancellation of their set due to technical difficulties. The PR team for the DJ duo later elaborated, claiming that the untimely fade of the annual marathon concert was due to a malfunction in the technology of their plane. However, luckily for our readers, the Classic obtained a never before seen list of backup excuses for the group’s absence. This just in.

1. Ass too fat to get on the plane
2. There was a spider
3. Realized true feelings, no longer two friends, now two lovers, scared to come to BC for fear of not being accepted
4. Bermuda triangle
5. Two Friends two busy running a two-man at Two Saints
6. Set an alarm for PM instead of AM and slept through it
7. Forgot they had to cross Comm Ave before 8 AM
8. Didn’t realize the show was on 4/20 🙁
9. Accidentally went to Boston University, then got sad that they weren’t as cool as Zara Larson
10. Witness protection due to murder charges in the first degree

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