Five Things to Convert Your Friend’s Room Into After They Leave for Break
CHESTNUT HILL — Well, it’s that time of year again! That wonderful, bizarre limbo period where half of campus is snuggled up at home, doing their zooms with a hot cup of cocoa, and the other half is tucking into Just Rice for thanksgiving dinner at Mac. If you’re jealous of your friends who went home for break, or just want to give them a little surprise when they return, we here at the New England Classic have you covered. Here are just a few ideas of what to do with that empty cube down the hall where your acquaintance normally resides.
- Sensory Deprivation Tank
All you need for this little craft is a hose, 4 bags of Dr. Teal’s epsom salt, and the aching desire to dissociate from your physical state of existence. Simply remove all the furniture from the room, hook up that hose to a sink, pour the bags of epsom salt on the floor and let it flow! Now you have yourself a little retreat, an escape from zoom calls and posting on the Canvas discussion board. Imagine your friend’s face when they return to their room in January, seeing you suspended in a pool of dark water, expressionless as you access a higher form of consciousness. LOL!
If you can honestly say you have never thought about having your own personal aquarium, you are either lying or suffering from a traumatic brain injury. How many nights have you spent on the couch at 3 am, watching Tanked and wishing those Italian stallions would build you a Mario Kart™ themed aquarium for your bedroom? Well, this bizarre break is a perfect opportunity to fulfill your dreams. Go get the hose we used for the sensory deprivation tank and fill your friend’s room to the brim. Next, the fish! Bringing a Ziploc bag to PetSmart should do the trick, but if you’re working on a budget, our sources tell us the Reservoir has plenty of grey nondescript fish to choose from. Swans, too. Just grab your wetsuit and jump on in!
3. Meat locker
This one speaks for itself. The number one request of all Boston College students from 2005-2019 has been more meat lockers available to undergrads. Meat locker rentals are an up and coming industry, and the profit margins are looking promising, according to the CSOM kid we beat up outside of Devlin. Just think of the money you could make, renting your late roommates’ bedroom for students to store their choice cuts.
Tad Bundie, MCAS ‘22, seemed supportive of the idea.
“I, uh, need space for some dea-, I mean meats. I have lots of, uh, meat that needs hiding, I mean storing, in a secure area.” When asked for more information, Tad jumped in a tan colored Volkswagen Beetle and drove off.
4. Foot Locker
A locker for feet. What more could you ask for?
5. Lady Foot Locker
A locker for ladies’ feet. Need we say more?