“Who Even Gives A Shit Anymore?”: Furry Spotted On Newton Campus
NEWTON CAMPUS — Numerous reports on Thursday claimed that, to the general disinterest of most of the student body, a Furry had been spotted on Boston College’s Newton campus. Students claim to have seen a young man with a blue, fluffy tail and matching cat ears riding the bus to main campus and in line at Stuart Dining Hall.
Most students, however, seemed generally indifferent to the bestial cosplay taking place around their residence halls.
Freshman Red Dittor (LSOE ’24) was not particularly impressed. “Yeah, man, I guess this sort of thing used to be a big deal. Any other week, honestly. But none of us can be bothered to give this kid the gaping, slack-jawed, sickened glares he’s so clearly begging for.”
For those lucky enough to be unfamiliar with the term “furry”, Urban Dictionary defines furries as “a subgroup of science fiction and fantasy fans who focus on cartoon animals, anthropomorphic animals, or human-animal hybrid.”
“I thought college was supposed to be a brand-new experience,” Kyle Walker (CSOM ’24) said to our reporters. “If I wanted to see a kid with a tail meowing at the driver of a big yellow bus, I would’ve just stayed in high school.”
“I fear no man,” said a student who wishes to remain anonymous. “But that thing. . .it scares me.”
The search for the Newton Furry seems thus far to be futile. Along with having ears and a tail, this student seems to have catlike reflexes as well, and was last spotted crawling atop the roof of Keyes South, swatting at birds.
If you see this creature do not engage with it. Furries are known to carry diseases such as rabies and virginity.