How To Tell Your Ninth Friend, “It’s Not You, It’s All Eight Of Us”
Dorm StuffFreshmen March 18, 2019 The New England Classic
It’s that time of year again: housing season! The time of year when the “Hardey Honeys” group chat turns into “Walsh Ladies.” Every spring, the housing gods of Boston College require that you take your friends and arrange them into perfectly packaged eight-person groups.
This can mean difficult discussions with friends, acquaintances, and that girl from Perspectives who thinks you two are better friends than you actually are. It can be tough to navigate. Here’s how to tell your ninth friend, “It’s not you, it’s all eight of us.”
Ask, “What are your other friends doing for housing?”
It may seem odd to bring up other friends, after you have spent every weekend with this person for the entire first semester, but it might be helpful to suggest there are other people out there. It gives the impression of genuine interest while covering up your back-stabbing intentions.
Say, “Our couch is always open!”
Sure, your friend won’t have their own bedding, closet, sheets, or pillow, but that doesn’t mean they can’t sleep in your room. That blue couch which has been thrown up on, stood on, and spilled on is totally free! You would never let your ninth friend actually live in your room, but you would also not let her sleep on CoRo! You’re so generous!
Imply that this is really the best case for everyone involved.
It might be tough now to think of being physically separated from those who you’ve considered your closest friends, but there’s a silver lining. Think of how much your friend group will expand by your ninth friend having to find other friends! And if we need an extra person for nine-man day, we’ll totally text you! 
