Freshman ELP Member Shocked To Learn She Might Actually Have To Make Other Friends
FreshmenStudent Life October 4, 2019
MCELROY COMMONS — On Friday afternoon, Maddie Wilson (MCAS ’23) forced to come to terms that the Emerging Leader Program (ELP) might not have provided her with the friendships she hoped it would. After spending two full hours waiting for someone to respond to the lunch invite she sent... Read more
Newly Accepted Club Member Misinterprets Kidnapping For Kinky Sexual Roleplay
FreshmenStudent Life September 9, 2019
FENWICK HALL — Boston College a capella group The Bostonians continued their long-standing tradition of “kidnapping” newly accepted members from their dorm rooms last Tuesday night. But the usually lighthearted tradition took an unexpected turn when one new member reportedly misinterpreted the situation as an extreme sexual roleplay, leading... Read more
Freshman Disappointed Convocation Speaker Is Chris Wilson, Not Owen Wilson
Freshmen September 5, 2019
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CAMPANELLA WAY — Three freshmen watched their night go from bad to worse on Saturday as their travel plans took an unexpected turn for the trivial. Piling into what they believed to be an Eagle Escort van, the members of the trio had no idea that they had just... Read more
Twenty-Five Percent Of Freshman Class Comes Down With CoRo Virus
Dorm StuffFreshmenResLife March 21, 2019
After previously denying its existence, Dr. Tom Nary of University Health Services has confirmed a significant outbreak of CoRo Virus, affecting one in four rising sophomores. CoRo Virus is a rare disease, with symptoms including loneliness, depression, and irrational anger at the luck the gods bestowed on you. How... Read more
How To Tell Your Ninth Friend, “It’s Not You, It’s All Eight Of Us”
Dorm StuffFreshmen March 18, 2019
It’s that time of year again: housing season! The time of year when the “Hardey Honeys” group chat turns into “Walsh Ladies.” Every spring, the housing gods of Boston College require that you take your friends and arrange them into perfectly packaged eight-person groups. This can mean difficult discussions... Read more
CHESTNUT HILL — Boston College Police Department officers were called to Rubenstein D44 Saturday after receiving reports that resident Cliff Calley (MCAS ‘19) was found frozen solid. According to the BCPD report, Calley’s roommates were about halfway through Big Booty Mix Volume 11, when they noticed he had disappeared.... Read more
Newton Plague Survivors Debate Whether It’s Safe To Leave Their Bunker
Campus CultureFreshmen February 18, 2019
NEWTON CAMPUS — In the basement of Keyes South, seven plague survivors have barricaded themselves in the basement study lounge for the past nine days. In an interview conducted via hushed FaceTime call, one of the students, Sophie Kelly (CSOM ’22), admitted that she and her companion are getting... Read more
RUDE: Bus Driver Takes Three-Minute Break Knowing Full Well This Guy’s Class Started 20 Minutes Ago
FreshmenStudent Life November 7, 2018
MAIN GATE —On Tuesday, an Eagle Direct bus driver treated himself to three-minutes of personal privilege, despite being fully aware that a student, waiting to board the bus, Meninges B. Tinglin (MCAS ‘22), was already twenty minutes late to his 10:00 AM macroeconomics lecture. As a result of the... Read more
Tailgating Parents Totally Unaware That Lilly Is Blacked Out
FreshmenSportsStudent Life October 24, 2018
MOD LOT — Staggering around her roommate’s friend’s tailgate, Lilly Carter (MCAS ’22) reported that game days were her favorite because “none of these parents can even tell I’m shithoused!” An avid football fan, Carter woke up at 8:30 AM to start ripping shots of vodka and sipping spiked... Read more