Freshmen Archives | The New England Classic

University Welcomes “Most Diverse Class Ever” With White Guy From New Jersey

Freshmen Student Life September 10, 2020

“Look, his mumbling is bad enough as it is,” noted Rosalita Clemens (MCAS ‘24). “But on a Zoom call, with all of CLXF trying to blast “Born In The USA” at the same time, the poor dude didn’t have a chance.”

Campus Ninth Men Unionize To Avoid Living On CoRo

Dorm Stuff Freshmen ResLife February 18, 2020

STUART HALL — In a press conference Tuesday morning, “ninth men” across campus announced that they have officially formed a union. The leader of the new union, Sarah Shaughnessy (MCAS ’21), spoke to reporters at the event. “For too long, the folks in the ninth spot in a room... Read more

Freshman ELP Member Shocked To Learn She Might Actually Have To Make Other Friends

Freshmen Student Life October 4, 2019

MCELROY COMMONS — On Friday afternoon, Maddie Wilson (MCAS ’23) forced to come to terms that the Emerging Leader Program (ELP) might not have provided her with the friendships she hoped it would. After spending two full hours waiting for someone to respond to the lunch invite she sent... Read more

Newly Accepted Club Member Misinterprets Kidnapping For Kinky Sexual Roleplay

Freshmen Student Life September 9, 2019

FENWICK HALL — Boston College a capella group The Bostonians continued their long-standing tradition of “kidnapping” newly accepted members from their dorm rooms last Tuesday night. But the usually lighthearted tradition took an unexpected turn when one new member reportedly misinterpreted the situation as an extreme sexual roleplay, leading... Read more

Freshman Disappointed Convocation Speaker Is Chris Wilson, Not Owen Wilson

Freshmen September 5, 2019

Look out for our print issue for more phenomenal content. Read more

Not Again: Eagle Escort Actually The Cash Cab

Drinking Freshmen April 8, 2019

CAMPANELLA WAY — Three freshmen watched their night go from bad to worse on Saturday as their travel plans took an unexpected turn for the trivial. Piling into what they believed to be an Eagle Escort van, the members of the trio had no idea that they had just... Read more

Twenty-Five Percent Of Freshman Class Comes Down With CoRo Virus

Dorm Stuff Freshmen ResLife March 21, 2019

After previously denying its existence, Dr. Tom Nary of University Health Services has confirmed a significant outbreak of CoRo Virus, affecting one in four rising sophomores. CoRo Virus is a rare disease, with symptoms including loneliness, depression, and irrational anger at the luck the gods bestowed on you. How... Read more

How To Tell Your Ninth Friend, “It’s Not You, It’s All Eight Of Us”

Dorm Stuff Freshmen March 18, 2019

It’s that time of year again: housing season! The time of year when the “Hardey Honeys” group chat turns into “Walsh Ladies.” Every spring, the housing gods of Boston College require that you take your friends and arrange them into perfectly packaged eight-person groups. This can mean difficult discussions... Read more

OL Found Frozen After Six Months Without Icebreaker

Freshmen ResLife February 25, 2019

CHESTNUT HILL — Boston College Police Department officers were called to Rubenstein D44 Saturday after receiving reports that resident Cliff Calley (MCAS ‘19) was found frozen solid. According to the BCPD report, Calley’s roommates were about halfway through Big Booty Mix Volume 11, when they noticed he had disappeared.... Read more

Newton Plague Survivors Debate Whether It’s Safe To Leave Their Bunker

Campus Culture Freshmen February 18, 2019

NEWTON CAMPUS — In the basement of Keyes South, seven plague survivors have barricaded themselves in the basement study lounge for the past nine days. In an interview conducted via hushed FaceTime call, one of the students, Sophie Kelly (CSOM ’22), admitted that she and her companion are getting... Read more