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Roommate Weirdly Insistent You Don’t Fuck His Mom
September 28, 2022
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Local Inventor Excited About Patents Weekend
September 27, 2022
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ICYMI: Kyle Leads 3-Hour Game Of ISpy
September 26, 2022
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EXCLUSIVE: Kyle’s Leaked Setlist For Stokes Set
September 24, 2022
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Phil Jurkovec Spotted At Business Career Fair
September 23, 2022
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BC Dining Combats Ingredient Inflation, Introduces Lettuce Sandwich
September 21, 2022
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Pre-Law Student Accused Of Doctoring Roommate Agreement
September 19, 2022
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Students Die Of Laughter After Classmate Wears ‘BC Dad’ Shirt At Tailgate
September 18, 2022
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Football Team Expected To Win All Remaining Games After Hafley Announces “No More Mister Nice Guy”
September 17, 2022
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Kyle Backs Out Of Stokes Set And Is Replaced By Father John Misty, Angering BC Jesuits
September 16, 2022
RADNOR ROAD — Sources have confirmed that Colin Egesta (MCAS ’21), who is on the pre-med track and intends to pursue a career as a doctor, doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he habitually pees on the toilet seat. Egesta’s housemates told The Classic that, although he...
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IGNACIO HALL — Senior Rachel Anthony had the shock of a lifetime on Wednesday morning when her three-week-old laundry pile questioned her about the status of their relationship. The laundry pile had been slowly growing under her bed for the last 21 days, and now was ready to define...
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CHESTNUT HILL, MA — In one of the region’s most celebrated natural phenomena, Boston College’s native genus of outdoor cooking apparatus took to the skies on Monday morning, beginning their annual exodus to the sun-drenched concrete of Florida State University. Having come to the end of their three-month tailgating...
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Sneeze in my mouth. I’d love that. But I absolutely cannot stand to hear my direct roommate smother her satanic coughs into her pillow anymore. I’m afraid she’s going to hack up one of her lungs in the middle of the night.
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DUCHESNE EAST—After actually deciding to read the Boston College housing policy, Jack McElroy (MCAS ‘23) was elated to discover that sex is banned in campus dorms. The policy, which states that “sexual activity between or among members of the same or opposite sex is prohibited in the residence halls,”...
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DEVLIN HALL — The Student Admissions Program (SAP) came under fire Tuesday afternoon after a controversial press release stating Newton Campus is actually within the bounds of Main Campus. The release added that students on Newton could be assured that they would have an authentic experience of Chestnut Hill...
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VANDERSLICE HALL — Elizabeth Maretti (MCAS ’22) was reportedly extremely uncomfortable Saturday evening when her roommate’s boyfriend stayed the night. “I mean first of all the common room couches do not offer much back support, and also my childhood was ruined,” Maretti said of roommate’s sex playlist consisting of...
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WALSH HALL — Certified idiot Max Mortimer (CSOM ‘22) arrived at the Walsh mailroom Friday afternoon intending to somehow pick up a package without knowing his shelf number. Bystanders and mailroom employees looked on as Mortimer searched his email for the vital code like a dumbass. “Uh, I have...
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After previously denying its existence, Dr. Tom Nary of University Health Services has confirmed a significant outbreak of CoRo Virus, affecting one in four rising sophomores. CoRo Virus is a rare disease, with symptoms including loneliness, depression, and irrational anger at the luck the gods bestowed on you. How...
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It’s that time of year again: housing season! The time of year when the “Hardey Honeys” group chat turns into “Walsh Ladies.” Every spring, the housing gods of Boston College require that you take your friends and arrange them into perfectly packaged eight-person groups. This can mean difficult discussions...
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