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Not Again! Scalper Sells Bean Counter Tickets To Unsuspecting Students
February 6, 2023
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What The Heck? Fine, I Guess I’ll Take This Other Ticket While I’m Already At The Women’s Basketball Game
February 2, 2023
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Telling People Your ACT Score, And 10 More Surefire Ways To Protect Your Virginity
January 28, 2023
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Gasson Exhibiting Signs Of Napoleon Complex After Arrival Of Much Taller Crane
January 26, 2023
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Pick Me Guy Walks Into Friendsgiving, Says “Where My Thanks At”
November 20, 2022
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If Only There Were An Online Platform Where I Could Attend Class While Sick
November 16, 2022
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Receipt Reveals That Student Actually Did Order A Side Of Bug
November 15, 2022
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Due To Warm Weather, UCS Starts Support Group For Canada Goose Owners
November 11, 2022
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Tuition Increases By $0.008 To Pay For Leahy’s Blue Checkmark On Twitter
November 10, 2022
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Daylight Savings Opens A Daylight Checkings Account
November 9, 2022
“Yeah, man, I guess this sort of thing used to be a big deal. Any other week, honestly. But none of us can be bothered to give this kid the gaping, slack-jawed, sickened glares he’s so clearly begging for.”
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Start your worst year of college off on your best foot!
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“Like, this isn’t a fuckin’ corner store,” Purcell said. “You can’t just be walking in here anytime you want, day and night. People live here. I need privacy.”
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STUART HALL — In a press conference Tuesday morning, “ninth men” across campus announced that they have officially formed a union. The leader of the new union, Sarah Shaughnessy (MCAS ’21), spoke to reporters at the event. “For too long, the folks in the ninth spot in a room...
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RADNOR ROAD — Sources have confirmed that Colin Egesta (MCAS ’21), who is on the pre-med track and intends to pursue a career as a doctor, doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he habitually pees on the toilet seat. Egesta’s housemates told The Classic that, although he...
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IGNACIO HALL — Senior Rachel Anthony had the shock of a lifetime on Wednesday morning when her three-week-old laundry pile questioned her about the status of their relationship. The laundry pile had been slowly growing under her bed for the last 21 days, and now was ready to define...
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CHESTNUT HILL, MA — In one of the region’s most celebrated natural phenomena, Boston College’s native genus of outdoor cooking apparatus took to the skies on Monday morning, beginning their annual exodus to the sun-drenched concrete of Florida State University. Having come to the end of their three-month tailgating...
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Sneeze in my mouth. I’d love that. But I absolutely cannot stand to hear my direct roommate smother her satanic coughs into her pillow anymore. I’m afraid she’s going to hack up one of her lungs in the middle of the night.
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DUCHESNE EAST—After actually deciding to read the Boston College housing policy, Jack McElroy (MCAS ‘23) was elated to discover that sex is banned in campus dorms. The policy, which states that “sexual activity between or among members of the same or opposite sex is prohibited in the residence halls,”...
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DEVLIN HALL — The Student Admissions Program (SAP) came under fire Tuesday afternoon after a controversial press release stating Newton Campus is actually within the bounds of Main Campus. The release added that students on Newton could be assured that they would have an authentic experience of Chestnut Hill...
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