SPOOKY: Ghosts Forced To Find New Haunts Because Of Guest Policy Crackdown
GONZAGA HALL — While most BC students have been enjoying the newfound freedom of the lenient guest policies this year, one unlucky group of guys and ghouls pushed the boundaries too far this past weekend.
Resident Gonzaga ghosts Larry B. Scary and Vincent Van Ghost were haunting the halls as usual on Friday when they suddenly heard loud music coming from a room.
“We figured, ‘why not check it out?’” recounts Larry. “But as soon as we passed through the wall we realized that the ratio was way off: all people, and no other ghosts.”
To fix the ratio, Larry and Vincent invited a few more ghost friends to join the party. Maybe more than a few. At that point, BC Facilities Services began to receive complaints from the room’s human residents about icy cold temperatures, flickering lights, and creepy wailing noises echoing through the halls. Ghost RA Mary V. Bloody was called to assess the situation.
“There were at least 15 ghosts in that room,” Mary said in an interview with The Classic. “I try to be lenient but I have to do my job – the spectre variant of Covid-19 is no joke.”
Van Ghost had a different recollection of the encounter:
“That RA had a stick up her ass,” he said. “Her unfinished business is probably, like, that she can’t get invited anywhere.”
When the Office of Phantom Conduct was informed about the situation, Scary and Van Ghost immediately received a haunting suspension. Meanwhile the dorm’s human residents, who wish to remain anonymous, were caught off guard by the situation.
“There were GHOSTS?! A forced triple was bad enough, now it’s a HAUNTED forced triple? There has to be some kind of rebate for this,” said a frightened resident of Gonzaga 2.
At press time, Larry and Vincent were seen wandering Foster Street, in search of a six-month haunting lease.