The New England Classic
The New England Classic’s Summer Vacation Travel Guide: Chicago
Chicago. The Twindy Cities. From the Sioux for “Italians need not apply,” Chi-na-town is the perfect spot for a surprise summer getaway. With at least four and a half restaurants and a record-108 years without a single Italian in public office, planning a trip to the city can seem... Read more
“Hey, How Was Your Brake?” Asks Guy Inquiring About Roommate’s Car Inspection
IGNACIO HALL—Jeff Lube (MCAS ’19) received some interesting information yesterday when he asked his roommate how his brake was after getting his car inspected. “It was pretty good, actually,” responded Gary Michaels-Croswell (CSOM ’19). “Oil needed to be changed and had to get a headlight replaced, but other than... Read more
Perfectly Healthy Freshman Male Sure Is Going Through A Lot Of Tissues
MEDEIROS HALL C39 — On Wednesday, Richard Holder (MCAS ’22) noticed that his roommate Jack Offner (CSOM ’22) had an abundance of used tissues in the wastebasket beside his bed. Despite the large number of tissues, Offner seems completely free of cold or flu symptoms. “Maybe he’s just crying... Read more
Student Causes Concern After Putting Well-being Before Academics
STAYER HALL — Junior Joanna Yost returned to Boston College last Sunday after a relaxing weekend at home, and found herself in the middle of judgmental and passive-aggressive comments from her peers. They were reportedly “dumbfounded” when she revealed that she had spent her time home unwinding and decompressing... Read more
Underground Cockfighting Ring Now Accepts Eagle Bucks
CARNEY BASEMENT — A clandestine chicken-fighting operation in Carney 003 has become the latest Newton business to accept Eagle Bucks, allowing students to easily bet vending machine money on the vicious bloodsport.    Designating university-backed currency as legal tender at illegal animal-fighting rings has been questioned by many at... Read more
Sadistic Fuck Working Out Without Headphones
WILLIAM J. FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — On Wednesday, Warren Fuggit (CSOM ‘20) was seen working out without wearing headphones, much to the horror of the entire student body. His roommates were reportedly “appalled” after witnessing Fuggit leave their 8-man without wearing any form of portable electroacoustic transducer. “I can’t... Read more
8-Man Expecting Way Too Much From Single String of Lights

“It was, like, so dark in there. I accidentally mixed my vodka with milk.”

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Well-Intentioned Douchebag Kinda Wishes He Went On Appa Instead Of Drinking For 7 Days
RUBENSTEIN HALL — Returning to campus Sunday afternoon, senior Joe McCaffery reflected on his week-long spring break vacation to Punta Cana. His vacation included drinking by the pool, lounging on the beach while drinking, and staring into his drink after losing money at the casino. Though he “straight up... Read more
Students Gear Up To Do Exact Same Thing With Exact Same People In Different Country
NOT BOSTON COLLEGE — While hustling and bustling around campus and cramming in last-minute studying for midterms, hundreds of Boston College students collectively expressed their excitement to spend their impending spring break doing the exact same things with the exact same people, but in a different country. Students have... Read more
Pre-Med Student Password Protects Her Quizlets
O’NEILL LIBRARY — This past Friday, freshman pre-med student Jessica Connors announced her recent decision to put passwords on her quizlets. Connors was most recently seen taking up an entire table with her books and her molecular modeling kit in preparation for her upcoming chemistry exam. Connors, who reportedly... Read more