The New England Classic
Local Inventor Excited About Patents Weekend

“I could’ve sworn I heard it was Patents Weekend. I thought it would be a good networking opportunity to put my name on a larger, global map,” Gadget confessed. “Now I have all of my thingamabobs and whos-its with me for nothing.”

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ICYMI: Kyle Leads 3-Hour Game Of ISpy

Kyle began, binoculars in hand: “I spy with my little eye… something green!” obviously referring to the t-shirt of someone in the 3rd row.

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Phil Jurkovec Spotted At Business Career Fair

After witnessing several muffed handoffs and fumbles of his resume, the Classic was able to obtain a copy. The resume included several of Jurkovec’s biggest accomplishments including his former attendance of Notre Dame, graduating high school, and duping a whole fan base into believing he was the next Matt Ryan (MCAS ’08).

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BC Dining Combats Ingredient Inflation, Introduces Lettuce Sandwich

Down 3%, lettuce has proven to be a Northern Star in the world of rampant price increases. With that news, BCDS decided to put the new Lettuce Sandwich on their daily menu and sell it for just $8.99!

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Pre-Law Student Accused Of Doctoring Roommate Agreement

“I’m just an easy target because I’m a pre-law student with more ambition than the average person. Even if I did know something, I wouldn’t tell The New England Classic. I’d go to a real paper on campus like [redacted]. Did I mention that I’m double-majoring in political science and economics with a minor in communication?”

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CAB Cancels Mudstock, Announces Soupcrock

The Campus Activities Board of Boston College (CAB) made a surprise announcement Monday detailing its plan to cancel Mudstock and replace it with “Soupcrock.” Mudstock, the beloved annual student volleyball tournament, was scheduled for the first week of May.

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Mutual Sexiness and Unlikability: Why BC Students Often Marry Each Other

The implications of BC selective marriage for the future are harrowing. The world as we know it will be filled with a vast amount of men who are 5’8” but definitely 5’10” on their license.

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“Talk Holy To Me”: CAB To Censor Jason Derulo

“When we hired Jason Derulo, it was because we all are HUGE fans of Cats (2019). Ever since the movie came out, we’ve been listening to ‘The Rum Tug Tugger’ nonstop, and we thought that’s what made him famous.”

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11 Can’t Miss Items From Richdale’s
RICHDALE FOOD SHOPS – Found across the street from St. Ignatius, Richdale’s is a hotspot for Boston College students looking to purchase marked up Lunchables or microwavable poke bowls. There are plenty of highlights of the legendary Comm. Ave. marketplace; here are the top eleven. The Row Dedicated Entirely... Read more
Uh Oh! Your Punta Hookup Just Asked You To Senior Prom At Newton North

Barrased continued, “I asked him where he was living, as one does when they meet a fellow Eagle, and when he said ‘I live in Newton,’ I just assumed he had the worst housing pick time known to man!”

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