The New England Classic
Thank God! My Acapella Roommate Is On Vocal Rest This Weekend

You heard that right, vocal rest. A whole day prior to their performance where every team member must protect their vocal chords by shutting the fuck up!

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BC Girl Reconnects With Her Jesuit Values, Only Eats Bread Rolls And House Wine In Punta

“She promptly described her powerful experience at her 4-day mass in a ‘distant place,’ providing plenty of candids of her consumption of the ‘house wine blood’ and “bread roll body” of Christ.”

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LTE: All Good Deeds Are Inherently Selfish

At the end of the day are we not just serving ourselves? I over serve myself in alcohol and you over serve yourself in the reception of gratitude and acknowledgement, are we both not drunk?

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Freshman Failing Lit Core Claims Taylor Swift’s “The Tortured Poets Department” Is “Literally Her”

‘Well, Travis obviously inspired a lot on the album. I feel the same inspiration for my Insta stories from my boyfriend, Noah. He was a second string quarterback in high school, so… we get it.’

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10 Surefire Ways To Secure Beanpot Tickets

However, the Classic has come across an exclusive list of the tasks required for students to get their grubby little mitts on some highly-coveted tickets to the big game.

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Chocolate Bar Introduces Screens To Entertain Impatient iPad Kids

At press time, drooling students were seen gathering in a concert-sized crowd as the lead student completed an extremely difficult level of Geometry Dash — with a hydraulic press video in the background.

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“We Are So Back” Says Girl No One Even Noticed Was Abroad

‘“It’s really great being back. I thought it would be weird since I’ve matured far past my Americanized peers in the past four months, but it really feels like I’ve never left!”’

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“We’re Just Like Taylor And Travis” Says Acapella Lead And Her Club Golf Boyfriend

“’Karma is the guy on the Green, golfing straight home to me.’” 

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“I’m a Microcelebrity,” Says Girl Who Broods In Her Room 25/8

“’I’m a microcelebrity, so I have to protect my peace around here!’ exclaimed the ‘Queen of Roncastle,’ a self-proclaimed title.”

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Psych Major Cheats on Girlfriend; Explains He “Required Novel Stimuli”

Using his Walsh dorm as the testing grounds, Pist conducted a classic A/B test “to explore my reaction to novel stimuli in an intimate setting”.

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