Student Life Archives | The New England Classic

Underground Cockfighting Ring Now Accepts Eagle Bucks

Student Life WTF March 20, 2019

CARNEY BASEMENT — A clandestine chicken-fighting operation in Carney 003 has become the latest Newton business to accept Eagle Bucks, allowing students to easily bet vending machine money on the vicious bloodsport. Designating BC currency as legal tender at illegal animal-fighting rings has been questioned by many at... Read more

Sadistic Fuck Working Out Without Headphones Hot

Student Life March 20, 2019

WILLIAM J. FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — On Wednesday, Warren Fuggit (CSOM ‘20) was seen working out without wearing headphones, much to the horror of the entire student body. His roommates were reportedly “appalled” after witnessing Fuggit leave their 8-man without wearing any form of portable electroacoustic transducer. “I can’t... Read more

8-Man Expecting Way Too Much From Single String of Lights Hot

Campus Culture Student Life March 12, 2019

“It was, like, so dark in there. I accidentally mixed my vodka with milk.”

Well-Intentioned Douchebag Kinda Wishes He Went On Appa Instead Of Drinking For 7 Days Hot

Drinking Service Student Life March 10, 2019

RUBENSTEIN HALL — Returning to campus Sunday afternoon, senior Joe McCaffery reflected on his week-long spring break vacation to Punta Cana. His vacation included drinking by the pool, lounging on the beach while drinking, and staring into his drink after losing money at the casino. Though he “straight up... Read more

Students Gear Up To Do Exact Same Thing With Exact Same People In Different Country

Holidays Student Life February 28, 2019

NOT BOSTON COLLEGE — While hustling and bustling around campus and cramming in last-minute studying for midterms, hundreds of Boston College students collectively expressed their excitement to spend their impending spring break doing the exact same things with the exact same people, but in a different country. Students have... Read more

Pre-Med Student Password Protects Her Quizlets

School Student Life February 21, 2019

O’NEILL LIBRARY — This past Friday, freshman pre-med student Jessica Connors announced her recent decision to put passwords on her quizlets. Connors was most recently seen taking up an entire table with her books and her molecular modeling kit in preparation for her upcoming chemistry exam. Connors, who reportedly... Read more

REPORT: Fun Roommate Not In Room

Dorm Stuff Student Life February 20, 2019

LOWER CAMPUS — Walsh Hall resident William Welch (MCAS ’21) fell victim to the old switcheroo on Wednesday when he entered his common room to find that his fun roommate was not in the room. “Oh man, I thought Adam would be in here,” Welch said. “I sorta wish... Read more

OP-ED: Whoever Read My OIP Application, I Hope You Study Abroad In Hell

Abroad Student Life February 19, 2019

“I wish you the best of luck, as you painstakingly request a copy of your transcript and forward it to Midas, the foul judiciary of Pluto’s wicked court.”

How to Break Up With Your Significant Other Before Add/Drop Ends

School Student Life January 22, 2019

Whether you’re a freshman looking to secure the perfect professors for your first major classes, a senior looking for an “easy-A” elective, or Katie finally deciding to dump that douchebag Garrett, add/drop is crucial to making the rest of the semester go smoothly.

Kid Farts

Freezer Student Life January 18, 2019

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE — According to several witnesses, Jaymes Bennington (LSOE ’20), farted on the Commonwealth Avenue bus at approximately 11:40 PM Thursday, January 17th. One witness described a disturbing rumble coming from the rear stairwell after several riders entered the bus at the Reservoir stop. Although unidentified at the... Read more