The New England Classic
Mod Grills Migrate South For Winter
CHESTNUT HILL, MA — In one of the region’s most celebrated natural phenomena, Boston College’s native genus of outdoor cooking apparatus took to the skies on Monday morning, beginning their annual exodus to the sun-drenched concrete of Florida State University. Having come to the end of their three-month tailgating... Read more
Academic Advising: “UIS Had Darkmode First”
STOKES S140 — After learning few weeks too late that “dark mode” is now a popular smartphone feature, head of the Academic Advising, John Dunderhead, MCAS ’82, officially scrapped all plans to revamp UIS. Rumors of converting UIS into a more user-friendly platform have been heard around campus, but... Read more
Junior Canonized After Rising From The Dead At Pregame
FOSTER STREET – Pope Francis announced Monday that Mike McMackey (CSOM ‘21) will be officially canonized as a Catholic saint. The Boston College junior performed his third miracle this weekend when he resurrected himself from the dead in the basement of 295 Foster Street.  The 20-year-old grandson of four... Read more
Spooky! I Don’t Remember What I Said In My Last Snap
For more spooky, bone-chilling satire, look out for our print issue. Coming to a library near you, December 2019! Read more
Spooky! Jake Celebrating Halloween By Ghosting You
UNKNOWN LOCATION — Despite your Snapchat streak, double texts, and dinner dates at Lower over the past month, Jake Miller (CSOM ’21) has reportedly decided to embrace the Halloween spirit this year by ghosting you.  While most celebrate the holiday by carving pumpkins, dressing up, and watching horror movies,... Read more
Spooky! The CAB Hypnotist Converted This Junior To Judaism
O’CONNELL HOUSE — A Campus Activities Board event gained a little more chutzpah Tuesday when hypnotist Chris Jones converted a student to Judaism. Halfway through the show, Jones called Matthew Doyle (CSOM ‘21, BC High ‘17) up to the stage to be hypnotized. According to eyewitness reports, Jones pulled... Read more
Thursday’s Globalization Lecture Canceled After Old Tweets Resurface
MCGUINN HALL — Professor Rachel Godwin’s Thursday afternoon Globalization I lecture was canceled early Wednesday morning after damning tweets resurfaced that called into question the professor’s credibility as an authority on historical information. Posted late in August of 2017, the tweets themselves were a diatribe on the necessity of... Read more
OPINION: If My Roommate Doesn’t Stop Coughing I’m Going To Drop Out Of School

Sneeze in my mouth. I’d love that. But I absolutely cannot stand to hear my direct roommate smother her satanic coughs into her pillow anymore. I’m afraid she’s going to hack up one of her lungs in the middle of the night. 

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Campus VSCO Girls Successfully Unionize
O’NEILL PLAZA — Seeking a unified representative body and the right to collectively bargain with outside parties, Boston College’s VSCO community announced on Tuesday the successful filing and formation of a union under University oversight. Citing multiple cases of intellectual theft by a number of anonymous Boston College students,... Read more
Senior “Fall Breakers” Outdo Your Fall Break Plans
PUNTA CANA — Matt Jones (CSOM ’20) and Sam Sullivan (CSOM ’20) broke out of the hiking and home visiting Fall Break norm this weekend and truly took advantage of their two full days off. The two flew down to Punta Cana this weekend to “relax on the beach... Read more