The New England Classic
Spooky! OSI Approves Another A Capella Group
CARNEY HALL — In a controversial decision, the Office of Student Involvement (OSI) approved the formation of another a capella group on campus last Friday. The newly formed group, The Pottertones, will be Boston College’s first Harry Potter-themed singing group. “I was shocked when I realized there wasn’t a... Read more
BC’s Pipe-Smoking Students Demand More Sumptuous Leather Armchairs
GASSON COMMON — Punctuating their statement with long, pensive draws from their briars, a group of pipe-smoking students presented demands to the University administration on Thursday, citing the need for more sumptuous leather armchairs. The tweed-clad students stood behind a mahogany podium amid wisps of silver-blue smoke and decried... Read more
Tailgating Parents Totally Unaware That Lilly Is Blacked Out
MOD LOT — Staggering around her roommate’s friend’s tailgate, Lilly Carter (MCAS ’22) reported that game days were her favorite because “none of these parents can even tell I’m shithoused!” An avid football fan, Carter woke up at 8:30 AM to start ripping shots of vodka and sipping spiked... Read more
Changing Leaves, Brighton Robberies Mark Beginning Of Fall
BRIGHTON, MA — According to a recent BCPD report, the seasonal influx of robberies in the off-campus community is once again in full swing. Along with the crisp air, colorful foliage, and blue skies that mark the fall season in Boston, the familiar ring of police sirens and broken... Read more
Article Broken: A Work Order Has Been Requested
Oh no! You broke this article, you big dumb idiot! We’ll fix this problem up in 3-5 business days. For now, head on over to dazquest.com and play your pretty little heart out, you destructive monster. Read more
Holy Shit, This Guy Is SO Sweaty
STOKES QUAD — On Monday, witnesses reported that Tom Reilly (CSOM ‘21) was “impossibly sweaty.” Temperatures had been approaching the high 80s, but many students were shocked that any one man could be capable of such voracious perspiration, according to sources. Nearby students noted that Reilly was wearing khaki... Read more
Student In Write-Up Meeting Says “I like beer”
WALSH HALL — During his write-up meeting with Walsh Resident Director Diana Steinfein, pre-law student Brad Chadanaugh (MCAS ‘21) reportedly responded to a question about his drinking habits by saying that he “drank beer with his friends, liked beer, and still likes beer.” Steinfein says she discusses drinking habits... Read more
Freshman Gets Sinking Feeling He’s Only Friend Of Utility
NEWTON CAMPUS — After hanging out with his roommate throughout every Welcome Week activity, Steven Palmer (MCAS ‘22) has reportedly become worried that their relationship is more mutually-beneficial than he originally imagined. “We just clicked at first, you know? We talked about our lives before BC, and found out... Read more
Study Finds That 100% Of CoRo Residents Can “Sleep On My Couch Any Time”
WALSH HALL — Late Saturday night, Chris Naughton (CSOM ’21), of Walsh 705, learned that one of his close acquaintances and frequenters of his “lit” Walsh pre-games was a resident of Roncalli Hall on College Road. Upon discovering this, Naughton expressed his pity and told Mike DiGiacomo (MCAS ’21)... Read more
REPORT: Mom Just Didn’t Think You Were The “Weed-Smoking” Type
CHEVERUS HALL — Following an investigation of your underwear drawer and a tight-lipped discussion with Dad, a report published on Friday indicates that Mom just didn’t think you were the “weed-smoking type.” While settling in for their Parents’ Weekend visit, Mom reportedly opened your bureau to make sure you’d... Read more