The New England Classic
Brad From CSOM: A Day In The Life

“I go ham on establishing my 500+ connections on LinkedIn—the primary determinant of my self-worth. It’s also my second-choice dating app, surpassed only by Christian Mingle.”

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Sophomore Goes on Retreat for Three Months to Six Years

“Many students have reported rigorous fingerprinting procedures and are supposedly required to have a session with a Boston-based criminal defense attorney.”

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Circle Tavern “Edgar Allan Poe Night” Offers Chains, Wine, And Cement Special
THE CIRCLE TAVERN – Upperclassmen perusing Herrd last week were elated to see an advertisement from the Circle Tavern at the top of their page. Thursday’s “Chains, Wine, and Cement Special” drew students in with promises of giveaways, discounted appetizers, and a sampling of a rare drink known only... Read more
Uh Oh: Typo on CAB Email Changes “Boo Bags” to “Boob Bags”

“I don’t know how anyone could think that a campus-sponsored group would be handing out nude centerfolds to teenage boys.”

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Pick Me Apple Loves Your Hobbies

“I thought it was pretty suspicious that she liked all the music I like. Seeing as apples don’t even have ears, I didn’t think that it was possible to like modern country-metal with as much passion as I do.”

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Class of 1952 Retakes Superfan Photo, Guy Had His Eyes Closed
ALUMNI STADIUM — Old timers gathered and reminisced Sunday when the Boston College Class of 1952 assembled to retake their Superfan photo after realizing that Jerry “Skippy-Do” McGinty had his eyes closed in the first one. When the do-over was snapped, Ol’ Skippy-Do himself was front and center, eyes... Read more
“Send Stokes Set,” Pleads CAB Anonymously

CAB spokesperson Kyle Crab (MCAS ’23) responded to the allegations via Instagram story. “We take this sort of allegation very seriously,” wrote Crab of CAB. “With that being said, we’d love to see a lot of heads come out to Stokes Set this weekend so that we can justify not only our exorbitant operating budget but also our outright existence as an organization.”

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Professor Asks “Just The Ugly Kids” To Mask Up In Class

Students expressed widespread indignation Monday when Prof. Patrick Lanzoni requested “just the ugly kids” in his Globalization I class wear masks. The announcement came after Lanzoni lamented seeing “atrocious acne” and “a severe lack of smokeshows” for 2 weeks.

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Weary Sophomores Defend Roncastle From Hordes Of Freshmen

A righteous group of sophomores, who just months ago found themselves on the rear end of the housing process, fashioned what weaponry they could to protect their dear fortress. Once the freshmen fired their first rock, an all-night war of bloodlust broke out.

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New CAB Event: Hunt Your Own Dinner

“I’ve always been, like, super into killing small animals, and it just feels so good to share my passions with the rest of the student body. The BC community is just so supportive, and I am so, so grateful to have this chance to absolutely impale rabbits and other small game with crudely sharpened sticks.”

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