The New England Classic
Troy Bolton? Fowler Forced To Choose Between Love For Tap Dancing And Hockey

“I’m petrified,” said Jacob Fowler (CSOM ‘27) “People know me for who I am on the ice, but I feel most myself on the stage…The rhythm of my shoes clicking and clacking as I hop and prance, it’s the most electric feeling.”

Read more
Will Smith’s Hat-trick Attributed To Teammate Ambrosio’s Hat Tricks

The Classic was deeply touched to learn that the reasoning behind the Eagle’s win was admiration for a hat enthusiast’s magic tricks and not the multiple first-round draft picks BC has on its roster.

Read more
Uh Oh! Someone Just Mentioned Taylor Swift Around A 5’5” Man Who Loves Football
WHOVILLE — As Superbowl parties and parlays caked the American landscape this past Sunday, many fans of the game flocked to their television screens to view the biggest American sporting event of the year. Some of America’s biggest superstars, like Taylor Swift, Ice Spice, and Lady Gaga, were able... Read more
10 Surefire Ways To Secure Beanpot Tickets

However, the Classic has come across an exclusive list of the tasks required for students to get their grubby little mitts on some highly-coveted tickets to the big game.

Read more
“We’re Just Like Taylor And Travis” Says Acapella Lead And Her Club Golf Boyfriend

“’Karma is the guy on the Green, golfing straight home to me.’” 

Read more
Uh Oh: Your Babygirl Hockey “Boyfriend” Is A Freshman

“‘STOP HE IS LITERALLY MY CUTIE PIE BOYFRIEND,’ interrupted a very angered Phile. ;Why won’t you let me be happy!'”

Read more
Baby Bird Alert! BC Swim And Dive Severely Misinterprets What It Means To Be An Eagle

“The team comes first! If you really think about it, there’s no ‘I’ in TEAM, but there is in VOMIT.”

Read more
BC Football Gets Sent To Glee Club

At press time, the team was seen rehearsing a rendition of the cupid shuffle and getting slushies thrown in their face by the McKinley High football team.

Read more
Rampant Misogynist Says You Can’t Come To Super Bowl Watch Party To Only Watch Commercials

“It’s fun to have some eye candy in the room,” said Ist when interviewed by the Classic about his evening gathering. “I just don’t want them yapping about the commercials the entire time. I’m from Philly, so it’s a big night for me.” Hist, who has been described by his girl friends as “tone deaf,” and “insulting,” hails from Wilmington, Delaware. 

Read more
Not Again! Scalper Sells Bean Counter Tickets To Unsuspecting Students

Initial reports indicate that an entrepreneurial scalper sold vouchers to Fulton Hall’s Bean Counter disguised as passes to the much-anticipated ice hockey tournament.

Read more