Phil Jurkovec Spotted At Business Career Fair Hot
SportsStudent Life September 23, 2022
After witnessing several muffed handoffs and fumbles of his resume, the Classic was able to obtain a copy. The resume included several of Jurkovec’s biggest accomplishments including his former attendance of Notre Dame, graduating high school, and duping a whole fan base into believing he was the next Matt Ryan (MCAS ’08).
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Students Die Of Laughter After Classmate Wears ‘BC Dad’ Shirt At Tailgate
Campus CultureSports September 18, 2022
Ina Vator (CSON ’24), sent shockwaves through the Mod Lot during this weekend’s tailgates by premiering her most avant-garde, commentorial outfit to date. What could this outfit possibly be, you ask? Vator’s renaissance of fashion and comedy was brought about by her shirt: a maroon ‘Boston College Dad’ shirt, artfully crafted into a tube top that looks like it could fall off at any second.
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Football Team Expected To Win All Remaining Games After Hafley Announces “No More Mister Nice Guy”
Sports September 17, 2022
In reports coming in from all across the nation, opposing coaches are literally shivering their timbers, nervously biting their nails back and forth like a typewriter, and losing all bodily fluids at the thought of having to face Hafley and the Eagles. Sports analysts are now scrambling to re-rank all teams nationwide, and many projections now have BC ranked as number one in the country.
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The Campus Activities Board of Boston College (CAB) made a surprise announcement Monday detailing its plan to cancel Mudstock and replace it with “Soupcrock.” Mudstock, the beloved annual student volleyball tournament, was scheduled for the first week of May.
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The real appeal of this new complex comes in the form of a 30 million dollar, four-story, indoor-outdoor, climate controlled trophy section. This new ‘Trophy World’ area will house BC’s countless participation ribbons, “At Least We Tried” banners, “There Are No Losers In God’s Eyes” medals, and of course “Well There’s Always Next Year” Trophies.
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BC Club Lacrosse Has Away Games This Weekend; Campus Rejoices
Campus CultureSports February 20, 2022
“Let us rejoice, and be glad!” said Father Moly, “For Boston College Men’s Club Lacrosse will be out of Boston from Friday to Sunday!” St. Ignatius erupted into raucous cheers the likes of which haven’t been heard since the church’s inception 96 years ago.
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Jeff Hafley Changes BC Football Slogan To “Everyone’s A Winner”
Big IssuesSportsUncategorized November 29, 2021
The players seem to have a positive outlook on next year’s season. According to a survey distributed by The Classic, the team describes the upcoming rebrand as “cool, I guess,” “what does rebrand mean,” and “as long as i get the scooter idc.”
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Dennis Grosel’s Dad Complains To Jeff Hafley About Son’s Playing Time
Campus CultureSports November 19, 2021
When questioned, Dennis Senior was open to speaking on the topic, “Yeah I spoke to the Ol’ Haf. I showed him Lil Denny’s highlight reel from St. Ignatius High School. Since I was already there, I offered up some plays that I used in college when I was a walk-on defensive end in ’87.”
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Young women were seen far and wide sporting the popularized dress of the Red Bandanna game: a bandanna forced, stretched, and morphed against its will into a sorry excuse for a shirt.
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Hafley Wants You To Give Morehead … A Chance
SportsStudent LifeWTF November 5, 2021
“The guys need Morehead. He’s a natural leader and will definitely come in handy. I think he’ll really loosen them up and get the juices flowing. There’s natural chemistry there. He may be the secret ingredient to finally arouse our boys.”
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