The New England Classic
Dr. Douglas Comeau Can’t Get Enough Of My Sweet, Sweet Nostrils (I Got Called Twice This Week)
CONNELL RECREATION CENTER — Sunday at midnight. That glorious, soaking wet time when a large portion of Boston College students get their highly-anticipated weekly COVID test email. This week went by like any other: I logged onto Zoom for “class”, spread my usual pathogens, and spent at least an... Read more
Hahaha: Kid Puts “Sit Here” Sticker On Face

The stickers, typically used to indicate a safe place to sit to ensure social distancing, can be found in nearly every classroom on campus. But Meyer was the first person to think of sticking one on his face.

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CAB To Host Scholastic Book Fair
MIDDLE CAMPUS — Students were elated upon hearing that the insanely well-funded Campus Activities Board will be hosting a Scholastic Book Fair on Stokes Lawn later this month. Though the event is still weeks away, boxes upon boxes of the latest Guinness Book of World Records and copies of... Read more
The Sun Puts University Counseling Services Out Of Business

“I’ll be honest, when we looked at the forecast for the next two weeks, we knew we were fucked,” said UCS chairperson Dr. Sigmund Noid. “High temperatures, blue skies, and Danny brought spikeball? It’s a psychiatrist’s nightmare!”

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Are We In Love Or Did You Just Hold Every Door For Me Between O’Neill 3 And The Plex?

It was just like any other Thursday morning when I saw you. Dr. Douglas Comeau had summoned the both of us down to see if we had the 2019-novel Coronavirus (2019-nCoV) in our system. But why us? Why now?

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Roommate Absolutely Covered In Blood Wants To Know If You Have Tide Stick

Another Iggy 5 resident, Tye Duh (LSOE ‘21), later reported seeing Wonply wandering the hall knocking on doors and screaming, “Ya know Tide to Go? The perfect size for travel? Removes even the toughest stains quick and on the spot?”

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Bookstore Sends Official Statement On 1919 Anglo-Irish War, Also A 25% Off Coupon On A Hat
BOSTON COLLEGE BOOKSTORE — This week, the Boston College Bookstore broke a longstanding precedent of apolitical neutrality when they released an official statement on the clash between Irish Republicans and the British Government, which ended nearly 100 years ago, in their routine email blast to the student body. The... Read more
Positive Cases Continue To— Woah, I Just Had Crazy Déjà Vu

I was going to write an article about why coronavirus cases on campus are increasing at an alarming rate, but I was hit with a crazy sense of Déjà Vu in the middle of writing the headline.

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March Madness: Roommate Has Stage 3 Syphilis
WALSH HALL — Spring fever took on a whole new meaning Sunday when Michael Lennon (CSOM ’23) was diagnosed with tertiary syphilis by University Health Services. The news came after weeks of erratic behavior by Lennon that concerned his friends and peers.  Lennon initially disregarded his symptoms, writing off... Read more
5 Signs That Your Sorry Ass Got Dropped From The 8-Man

Sadly, much like Julius Caesar or Meghan Markle, many students are about to find themselves stabbed in the back by those they once called friends.

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