LTE Archives | The New England Classic

LTE: I’m The Fountain Outside Of Gasson Hall, And I Gave Up Water For Lent

Campus Culture LTE March 20, 2025

“I am a fountain that doesn’t even have fucking water in it. It was a stupid thing to give up water for Lent. I only did it because Fr. Leahy told me that if I wanted to stay on this Jesuit campus I had to engage with my faith more.”

LTE: Why Is My “Hookup” Showing Me His Track Highlights?

Campus Culture LTE Sex February 25, 2025

It started out over our bond for our shared love of running. Yes, he is on the BC Track Team. Yes, I only run when Two Saints gets raided, but I was honestly willing to commit to the bit for the dick.

Letter To Thy Editor: Yes I Support Satan, Have You Seen Hell’s Economy?

Big Issues LTE November 14, 2024

Some support the omniscient and most holy God’s infallible plan for existence. However, they fail to consider the impact on tithes. Why is it that a hard-working king who took the risk to employ hundreds of serfs on his father’s land should be tithed more?

LTE: I’m A Woman, I Would’ve Voted For Harris If She Taxed DJ Equipment And Podcast Microphones

LTE Opinion November 13, 2024

He is making podcasting too expensive for your broke, bummy boyfriends who haven’t had jobs since they got fired from the dispensary they worked at for two weeks! That should be celebrated as a win for feminism!

LTE: Dear BC Republicans, We Called You Short, Fat, And Ugly With Grubby Little Rat Hands, Not Racist

Big Issues LTE Opinion November 12, 2024

However, we, as BC students, will not stand with the lies that you posted in your op-ed. We said you were “short, fat, and ugly with grubby little rat hands.” We never called you racist.

LTE: Who Put Me In Charge Of Coordinating Fall Break For Every College Ever

Campus Culture Holidays LTE October 17, 2024

If it weren’t for me, you fuckers wouldn’t be watching a Morgan Wallen cosplayer at a bar in Nashville.

LTE: Service Club Rejected Me, Now I’m Never Helping Anyone

Campus Culture LTE Service October 1, 2024

I, a self-proclaimed servant for others, feel the time has come to address the service COC (crisis on campus). I have recently received word from various on-campus service organizations that my applications have been “enthusiastically yet apologetically redirected,” AKA — rejected.

LTE From The Moon Club President

Campus Culture LTE WTF April 8, 2024

Everyone won’t shut up about summer and tanning and blah blah blah. Who fucking cares! Get some sun on the quad on a different day, I just want to get high in the afternoon and watch that shit cover the sun. Stay pale, I literally dare you.

LTE: I’m T-pain, You Know Me–T-Pain Wrote This Article

Campus Culture LTE WTF March 19, 2024

I’m T-Pain, you know me! What’s your name? Let me talk to ‘em!

LTE: Adieu! I Killed The Guy Who Spoiled The Wordle For Me

LTE February 9, 2022

I know killing thy neighbor is sinful but I don’t think God or any Bible junkie alike could ever have predicted that one’s neighbor would do something as utterly fucked up as spoiling the Wordle.