Members of the tour group reported that Richie Walker (MCAS ’23) caught all of their attention as he walked by them. Their tour guide kept speaking, but all of their gazes were glued to this BC Adonis and his powerful stride. Once he passed the oggly spectators, they all cheered for him, some even clad with cowbells and megaphones.

In an effort to clear any confusion, Pump said, “Eight inches. It’s gonna snow eight inches. And who even cares exactly how many inches it snows? And honestly eight inches is too much snow anyways. If it snowed five and a half inches I think that’d be the perfect amount.”

Love is in the air, and although you’re completely alone and depressed shitless this Valentine’s Day (calling your mom crying about how your Marriage Pact didn’t respond to your email), Denny Luvsalot (MCAS ’23) is left struggling to come up with unique gifts for each of his four (4) lovers. Luvsalot, the elected representative of his polyamorous relationship, decided to forgo the typical 20 boxes of chocolate and bouquets this year for a cheaper, more sustainable option: a White Elephant gift exchange.