Student Walks By Admissions Tour With Mature Confidence, Everybody Cheers
Campus CultureStudent Life March 3, 2022
Members of the tour group reported that Richie Walker (MCAS ’23) caught all of their attention as he walked by them. Their tour guide kept speaking, but all of their gazes were glued to this BC Adonis and his powerful stride. Once he passed the oggly spectators, they all cheered for him, some even clad with cowbells and megaphones.
Read moreTinder Date Says There’ll Be Eight Inches of Snow; Probably Gonna Be More Like Five
Campus CultureStudent Life February 25, 2022
In an effort to clear any confusion, Pump said, “Eight inches. It’s gonna snow eight inches. And who even cares exactly how many inches it snows? And honestly eight inches is too much snow anyways. If it snowed five and a half inches I think that’d be the perfect amount.”
Read moreUnderage Candidate’s Presidential Campaign In Doubt Following Fake ID Purge
Big IssuesStudent Life February 18, 2022
“Weirdly, John kept on insisting that the birth year on his card be 1986,” said Wead Deeler (CSOM ’25), who organized the fake ID order. “He said he wanted a Pennsylvania ID because ‘they’re easy to fake, and it’s a battleground state.’”
Read moreStudent Services Apologizes For ROTC And Pulse Placement Mix-Up
Student Life February 16, 2022
Polyamorous Couple Celebrates With Valentine’s White Elephant
Campus CultureStudent Life February 14, 2022
Love is in the air, and although you’re completely alone and depressed shitless this Valentine’s Day (calling your mom crying about how your Marriage Pact didn’t respond to your email), Denny Luvsalot (MCAS ’23) is left struggling to come up with unique gifts for each of his four (4) lovers. Luvsalot, the elected representative of his polyamorous relationship, decided to forgo the typical 20 boxes of chocolate and bouquets this year for a cheaper, more sustainable option: a White Elephant gift exchange.
Read moreSee-Through Schiller: Voyeurs and Exhibitionists Rejoice!
Campus CultureSchoolStudent Life February 1, 2022
“We’re Totally Grabbing Lunch Over Break,” Say High School Friends Who Will Definitely Not Be Grabbing Lunch Over Break
HolidaysStudent Life November 23, 2021
A Man For Others: This Guy Warms Every Chair Before His Class
Student LifeWTF November 11, 2021
“I see that kid in there at 8:00 AM, 7:30 even. Every week. He sits in each chair in that classroom, gets ‘em good and warm. Even talks to them sometimes. Before he moves on to the next one, he gives one tender little kiss.”
Read moreHafley Wants You To Give Morehead … A Chance
SportsStudent LifeWTF November 5, 2021
“The guys need Morehead. He’s a natural leader and will definitely come in handy. I think he’ll really loosen them up and get the juices flowing. There’s natural chemistry there. He may be the secret ingredient to finally arouse our boys.”
Read moreBrad From CSOM: A Day In The Life
SchoolStudent Life November 4, 2021
“I go ham on establishing my 500+ connections on LinkedIn—the primary determinant of my self-worth. It’s also my second-choice dating app, surpassed only by Christian Mingle.”
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