The New England Classic
The NEC Endorses Mayors Quimby, West For UGBC President And VP
Media outlets have a civic responsibility to conform their readers’ minds to their own way of thinking, and this is especially true in elections. With this in mind, The New England Classic endorses Mayor Joseph Fitzgerald O’Malley Fitzpatrick O’Donnell The Edge Quimby (CSOM ’22) and Mayor Adam West (MCAS... Read more
Fuck It: We Ranked All The Books Of The Bible That We Could Remember Offhand
JOHN Okay, we all know THIS is the best Bible. It has Jesus, Jesus’ little pals, and even two fish! We will award John $25 to Home Depot. DEUTERONOMY Uh-Oh! Dirty Bible! We remember this Bible because it is little more than a filthy carnival of the uncouth, and... Read more
History Major Finds Success At Renaissance Fair
MARGOT CONNELL RECREATION CENTER — Disgruntled history major, Andrew Llyod-Webber (MCAS ’21), found unanticipated success during the Career Fair this afternoon. After printing out his resume and and placing it neatly in a folder, Webber made his way from his off-campus residence to the Margot Connell Recreation Center, but... Read more
Mods Turn 50, Still Dating 21-Year-Old
THE MODULARS — The temporary housing units known as the ‘Mods’, beloved by seniors and yearned after by freshmen, celebrate their fiftieth birthday this year.  The Mods are often featured on Instagram and other forms of social media, and recently a picture of them with Kelly O’Brian (LOSE ’21),... Read more
Uh Oh: Guy With Circle Glasses Wants To Talk About The Oscars
McGUINN HALL — Thursday’s 10:15 Globalization II lecture took a turn when Annie McHugh (MCAS ’22) braced herself for a discussion with classmate Quintin Ford (MCAS ’20) on the upcoming Academy Awards. Ford, who strolled in five minutes early smelling of Old Spice and cigarette smoke, immediately began launching... Read more
CAB Offering $20 Kohls Cash To Boston City Limits Attendees
For more timely, gripping, and mustard-slathered content, look out for our end of semester print issue. Read more
Student Takes Break From The Grind To Remind Social Media Followers The Grind Never Stops
O’NEILL LIBRARY — After waking up early to secure a desk cubicle on the fourth floor of O’Neill Library, Andrea Thompson (MCAS ’21) took a break from studying for her Introduction to Genomics final exam to upload a post to her Instagram story reminding her followers that “The Grind... Read more
LTE: Kaylee Brought Her Shitty New Boyfriend To Friendsgiving And He Sucks
After a long three months, I finally got a break to rest up at home before finals. It’s time to kick back, relax, and, apparently, listen to Kaylee’s shitty boyfriend talk about his dumbass idea for a startup.  “They’ve only been dating for a month,” my friend Hannah told... Read more
Tornado Slams Into Carney, Causes $10 Million Worth Of Improvements
CARNEY HALL – This year’s unseasonable weather took another unexpected turn on Saturday as a tornado touched down on campus, curiously targeting only Carney Hall. However, the value of the land actually increased despite the fact that the entire structure was destroyed. This orphanage of arts and sciences bastard... Read more
Fucking Idiot Who Didn’t Lock The Door To The One-Person Bathroom Deserved To Be Walked In On
O’NEILL LIBRARY — Following a drawn-out investigation, the Boston College Board of Student Conduct deemed that Jared O’Ryan (CSOM ’23) deserved to be walked in on after neglecting to lock the door to the one-person bathroom in O’Neill Library. O’Ryan, no longer a “newbie” on campus having been here... Read more