RUH ROH! Underclassmen Chased Out Of Circle By Paw Patrol.
DrinkingStudent Life September 25, 2024 The New England Classic

THE CIRCLE — Last weekend, there was an influx of new bar patrons at The Circle. Thanks to a crack in Circle’s security, a flood of underclassmen were admitted to the bar. Not since Dragons entered Dave and Busters has an invasion been carried out on this scale. Something needed to be done.
After extra bouncers and obvious undercover cops failed to rid the bar of underclassmen, more drastic measures were taken. The middle-aged undercover cops expressed having a hard time blending in with the sea of fresh 19-year-olds ripping GeekBars and posting to Fizz. Frustrated senior Kingsley Sunset ‘25 knew just what to do. “When justice fails, you’ve got to call in the big guns,” Sunset said in an interview.
Who are these big guns, you might ask? Nay- for the question should be, who are these big dogs, and who let them out? The answer: Ryder, the fearless human companion of the Paw Patrol.
Alarm bells rang as four Pup-mobiles zoomed from Adventure Island to Cleveland Circle at approximately 11:45 PM. “When those dogs pulled up, I knew they were standin’ on business,” bouncer Joe Dunbuddy said.
The Paw Patrol burst on the scene and mayhem ensued. Using the power of teamwork and friendship, the Paw Patrol handled the situation with ease. Chase, the police dog, went in first to round up and chase out the underclassmen. He made 12 arrests. Next, Rocky, the recycle pup, and Rubble, the construction bulldog, rushed in to clean up dropped High Noon cans and fix the destroyed basketball machine.
The Classic was able to get in touch with one Ben Cought ‘27, a sophomore now on disciplinary probation. “I was just hyped to see the Patrol. That’s, like, my favorite show!”
When asked to comment, Chase of the Paw Patrol simply wagged his tail and emphatically said “Chase is on the case!” He then ran off into the night, seemingly to fight injustice elsewhere in the world.
Catch the Paw Patrol in their latest film: Paw Patrol: The Mighty Movie now streaming on Paramount+.
At press time, Chase was seen handing in his badge after forgetting to turn off his body cam and using some ruff language on duty.