BCIC Invests In Shein Ahead Of Last-Minute $2 Costume Purchases

FULTON HALL — One lucky freshman, Selme Thispen, had the honor of presenting an up-and-coming (niche) investment opportunity at last Wednesday’s BC Investment Club meeting. Inspired by the CSOM cult classic, The Wolf of Wall Street, Thispen took a couple of quaaludes before the evening’s meeting. Feeling…inspired, he waltzed to the front of the room, gazed at 150 Peter Millar quarter-zips and Patagonia vests, and gave his pitch.

The proposal was simple: The club places 10% of BC’s endowment in Shein stock. 

“Halloween is in 3 weeks, and every Newton freshman is about to panic buy a Halloween costume,” said Thispen. “I’ve never been more sure of a venture since Dogecoin.” 

Thispen’s all-Claude-generated PowerPoint featured a hallmark of ideas. His main qualifications include his high school DECA suit, 5 weeks of financial accounting, and a recent viewing of The Big Short. He marked a 40% growth indicator in men’s risqué prison costumes alone. Thispen acknowledged the morally gray area of romanticizing mass incarceration, but the numbers speak for themselves. His next area of growth: costumes that sexualize kids’ characters. 

Thispen made a convincing argument: “just think of all the untapped characters; sexy Bluey is a hidden gold mine.”

Thispen opened up the floor for discussion. One e-board member warned that Shein isn’t a “publicly traded company” and that “fast fashion is ruining the world,” to which Thispen accused him of being a hostile undercover econ major (derogatory). 

The BCIC president, Jessie P. Morgan, loved his idea. He hopes to receive Instagram comments like “Costume from Shein, body from TEAmu” and says they have a $3.50 sexy fireman costume on the way. Clearly very eager to extinguish any fires that may arise in Kostka on Halloween night. 

By a vote of 148 – 2, the motion passed. The only two nays were from a student who thought the meeting was for ecopledge and a theology minor who claimed that “Halloween is of the devil.”

Thispen walked out of the meeting on top of the world, stealing a core power from the rat on his way back to CLXF to try on his own recently-ordered horny cop costume. 

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