Baldwin Jr.’s Absence At Saturday’s Game Reveals Links To IRA Faction

ALUMNI STADIUM — Many students were disappointed by the absence of their beloved mascot’s adoptive son, Baldwin Jr., at Saturday’s football game. Upon investigation into Baldwin Jr.’s whereabouts, some shocking information was discovered about the political inclinations of the inflatable 9 ½-feet tall bird. 

A review of Baldwin Jr.’s internet search history broke the news to students that the young eagle harbors sympathy for the paramilitary organization known as the Irish Republican Army, or the IRA. Baldwin Jr., who uses DuckDuckGo as his search engine of choice, had recently looked up “IRA meetings near me”, “Balaclava for sale”, and “Where does Margaret Thatcher live”. 

Students were understandably taken aback by this revelation. 

“What the fuck is a Baldwin Jr?” said Mark Leeland (CSOM ’26) upon being asked about his reaction to the news. “And isn’t an IRA an individual retirement account, or something?”

When reached for comment, Baldwin Jr. only squawked something unintelligible and ran back into his South Street apartment that he shares platonically with the Boston University mascot, Rhett the Boston Terrier.

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