Warning: This Article Is Rated R
Big IssuesWTF October 5, 2021 The New England Classic
You read the headline and continued on to the article, so I’ll just assume you are, in fact, qualified to consume media that is R-Rated. By qualified, I don’t just mean age. Legally, anybody over the age of 17 can watch a Rated R movie, but simply being over this threshold does not guarantee that you will be able to stomach what you are about to read.
The horrible experience of reading this article cannot be captured in just a single sentence, but I will try. It’s kinda like shitting your pants at the Kids’ Choice Awards. It’s grisly, it’s gory, it smells bad, and oh yeah, there probably is a partial nudity scene later. Think you can handle that? Yeah, we didn’t think so.
Oh, so you’re still here. So you think you’re a wildcard, you want to live ‘on the edge’. Everyday you forsake common decency and morality in a never-ending pursuit of licentiousness and perversion. So that’s you, huh. Don’t need your parents’ permission for anything. Think you’re allllllll grown up with nothing to lose. When’s the last time you were at a place of worship? Have you laid your sins at the feet of your God and begged for forgiveness? Or do you embrace human folly with an ill-guided malfeasance, dancing your immortal soul into the waiting embrace of Abaddon? Typical.
Seriously??? You want to do this? This is your last chance! Turn your gaze away, O Mortal, seek goodness and truth! Guys, I’m not kidding, this whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. It will haunt me to the end times. It made me shit my pants at the Kids’ Choice Awards. Go read a book or something!
Oh my God. You’re serious then. You want this. You want it bad. Fine, don’t blame us. Here you go:
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