Student Body Flips On Thanksgiving Poll: “We No Longer Ever Wish To Go Home”
SERVICES.BC.EDU — In a shocking last-minute push, Boston College students overwhelmingly reversed course on the Thanksgiving ultimatum that the University posed to them in late October. While projections from the Associated Press initially showed that, as of Monday, a majority of students planned to go home, the fallout from the ongoing presidential election has motivated all 9,370 undergraduates to embrace the idea of a holiday spent far, far away from home.
“You want me to go home? To Philly?” said Anne Teepha (CSON ’22). “To eat dinner with my QAnon stepdad and my mom who wrote-in Amy Klobuchar yesterday? Fat chance, assholes.”
BC students from nearly every corner of the country expressed similar discomfort with the idea of being anywhere near their family, high school friends, hometown, home state, or childhood bedroom following the ongoing events of the past two days.
According to several pollsters on Instagram, the tide turned almost entirely against the “leave” option as tie-breaking numbers came in from students Ari Xona (CSOM ’22), Niamh Ada (MCAS ’24), and Missie Ginn (LSOE ’23), who each have upwards of 1,400 followers.
“Ok fr tho…whom’st the fucc [sic] going home?” asked one poll, conducted by UGBC Senator Nathaniel Gold (MCAS ’23). The poll showed a 100 percent shift towards staying on campus, and Gold’s story had been replied to 46 times.
“I know my cousins all went for Trump in Miami-Dade, and if I see them, I’m going to spit on them,” noted Joseph Jorgenson (MCAS ’21). “I’d like to avoid doing that, for my grandma’s sake. She voted for him in North Carolina, so I have to spit on her too, and that’s gonna be a whole thing. I think I’ll stick around.”
At press time, students were requesting record numbers of course substitution forms, hoping to sabotage their own credit allotments and stick around campus for two, four, or maybe eight more years.