The New England Classic
CAB To Give Out FastPasses For Dining Hall Lines
CORCORAN COMMONS — Lengthy lines at campus dining halls have left many Boston College students hungry for quicker service to fill their rumbling tummies. Lines at Lower, Mac, and Stuart this past week were longer than ever as students returned to campus.  Luckily, in their weekly email full of... Read more
Opinion: Strip Mod Must Go On, Even If It’s a Private Little Show Just For Me
Throughout the fall semester, far too many beloved Boston College traditions have been postponed, doomed to rot on the shelf until further notice. But if I could make a plea to ensure one tradition continues this semester, it would be this: Strip Mod must go on, even if it’s... Read more
Computer Science Department Hires Actual Python To Teach Classes
Amid a chronic shortage of professors in the computer science department at BC, CS majors finally have a reason to rejoice: the department now has an actual living python as a faculty member to teach introductory classes on Python! No one is quite sure about where the python came... Read more
Student Body Flips On Thanksgiving Poll: “We No Longer Ever Wish To Go Home”
SERVICES.BC.EDU — In a shocking last-minute push, Boston College students overwhelmingly reversed course on the Thanksgiving ultimatum that the University posed to them in late October. While projections from the Associated Press initially showed that, as of Monday, a majority of students planned to go home, the fallout from... Read more
Bapst Library Unveiled As A Spirit Halloween Store Following Renovation
LINDEN LANE — After months of ongoing construction, scaffolding was finally removed from the façade of the Bapst Library early this week, revealing that the library is now home to a Spirit Halloween store. The store’s arrival marked the official kickoff to Spooky Season for residents on the Heights.... Read more
Kid Farts

Kid Farts

FreezerStudent Life January 18, 2019

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE — According to several witnesses, Jaymes Bennington (LSOE ’20), farted on the Commonwealth Avenue bus at approximately 11:40 PM Thursday, January 17th. One witness described a disturbing rumble coming from the rear stairwell after several riders entered the bus at the Reservoir stop. Although unidentified at the... Read more
Freshman Perspectives Class Rescued From Plato’s Cave
CHESTNUT HILL — Late Thursday evening, Boston College officials announced that members of Professor Stephen Brown’s Perspectives class were finally rescued from Plato’s Cave, where they had been trapped since the middle of fall semester. The then-freshmen became stuck in the cave in early November 2017, when the class began... Read more
Tour Guide Claims Gasson Tallest Building On East Coast
MIDDLE CAMPUS — Stretching the truth for the fifteenth time during the short tour of campus, Student Admission Program tour guide Maxine Alturn (MCAS ’18) claimed that Gasson Hall, with its 200 foot bell tower, was the tallest building on the East Coast. Stating the boldface lie with calm... Read more
Welcome To Another Episode Of Pimp My UIS!
Welcome to another episode of Pimp My UIS! I’m your host, world-renowned Catholic rapper ever2Xcel, and today we’ve got a university information system that is in serious need of an upgrade! Johnny Manzo is a junior in the Lynch School here at Boston College, and he’s been registering for courses for years... Read more
Addazio Hospitalized After Accidentally Ingesting Four Tide Pods, Will Miss Syracuse Game
ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — At 11:36pm on Thursday evening, Boston College EMS received an emergency call notifying them of an unconscious man on the floor of the Walsh laundry room. Upon their arrival to the laundry room, the volunteer EMTs quickly identified the man as Steve Addazio, head... Read more