The New England Classic
Kid Farts

Kid Farts

FreezerStudent Life January 18, 2019

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE — According to several witnesses, Jaymes Bennington (LSOE ’20), farted on the Commonwealth Avenue bus at approximately 11:40 PM Thursday, January 17th. One witness described a disturbing rumble coming from the rear stairwell after several riders entered the bus at the Reservoir stop. Although unidentified at the... Read more
Freshman Perspectives Class Rescued From Plato’s Cave
CHESTNUT HILL — Late Thursday evening, Boston College officials announced that members of Professor Stephen Brown’s Perspectives class were finally rescued from Plato’s Cave, where they had been trapped since the middle of fall semester. The then-freshmen became stuck in the cave in early November 2017, when the class began... Read more
Tour Guide Claims Gasson Tallest Building On East Coast
MIDDLE CAMPUS — Stretching the truth for the fifteenth time during the short tour of campus, Student Admission Program tour guide Maxine Alturn (MCAS ’18) claimed that Gasson Hall, with its 200 foot bell tower, was the tallest building on the East Coast. Stating the boldface lie with calm... Read more
Welcome To Another Episode Of Pimp My UIS!
Welcome to another episode of Pimp My UIS! I’m your host, world-renowned Catholic rapper ever2Xcel, and today we’ve got a university information system that is in serious need of an upgrade! Johnny Manzo is a junior in the Lynch School here at Boston College, and he’s been registering for courses for years... Read more
Addazio Hospitalized After Accidentally Ingesting Four Tide Pods, Will Miss Syracuse Game
ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — At 11:36pm on Thursday evening, Boston College EMS received an emergency call notifying them of an unconscious man on the floor of the Walsh laundry room. Upon their arrival to the laundry room, the volunteer EMTs quickly identified the man as Steve Addazio, head... Read more
With Wagner Game Tomorrow, Addazio Looking To Relive Glory Days As High School Bully
STATEN ISLAND, NY — As Boston College’s first home approaches tomorrow afternoon, no one is more eager for kickoff than the Eagles’ head coach Steve Addazio, Farmington High’s premiere bully from 1973-1977. After suffering what can only be described as a total embarrassment last week in a 49-0 loss to Virginia... Read more
Leahy Attends Student Involvement Fair: ‘This Is The Semester I Put Myself Out There’

It’s never too late to get involved!

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BC Orientation Takes New, More Realistic Approach

“We’ve redesigned Orientation to prepare students for the numerous disappointments that they inevitably will be forced to deal with by the end of their first semester.”

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2150 Earnestly Hoping To Be Named After Old, Rich Donor Or Jesuit
COMM AVE — With summer quickly approaching and the fall semester on deck, the final touches are being put on Boston College RA’s newest hunting ground: the 2150 Commonwealth Avenue Residence Hall. Among other things, the state-of-the-art dormitory will feature a coffee bar, multiple bathrooms per suite, and terrific... Read more
Temporary Outage in Gasson Lighting Causes BC to Plummet in College Rankings
LINDEN LANE —In an unexpected turn of events, U.S. News & World Report announced that Boston College has dropped 16 spots in its highly-regarded ranking of national universities. Although the Washington D.C.-based news outlet typically updates its list only once a year in September, U.S. News spokesperson Darby Trary... Read more