CAB To Give Out FastPasses For Dining Hall Lines
CORCORAN COMMONS — Lengthy lines at campus dining halls have left many Boston College students hungry for quicker service to fill their rumbling tummies. Lines at Lower, Mac, and Stuart this past week were longer than ever as students returned to campus. Luckily, in their weekly email full of serotonin-inducing posters and crafts events, the Campus Activities Board announced a new way to beat the wait times and get right to the action.
In a haunted classroom on the forbidden ninth floor of Carney, CAB will be giving away FastPasses for the dining halls beginning next Monday, which students can use to skip the lines in any dining facility on campus.
CAB’s email announcement promoted the concept in vivid language. “Imagine your pals’ faces when you waltz up to the front of the line and sauce your own damn chicken,” it read. “Meanwhile, they’ll get herded along the line like the sheeple they are.”
Students seemed almost universally excited for the new program.
“I’m so glad CAB is taking this into their cute little hands. I waited in line for an hour at Lower this week. I just wanted some tortellini and milk, but I had to wait to be seated like I was at Red Lobster,” Patrick Eatons (CSOM ’23) said. “Nothing against Red Lobster, though.”
CAB stated that the new FastPasses can also be used for scheduling visits with beloved characters around campus such as Baldwin, the mouse living in your forced triple, and the guy who owns Molly and Maisie. None of these characters will be wearing masks, and they will touch you in a socially admissible but uncomfortable manner.