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Senior Completes Arduous Marathon Monday Drinking Training Regimen

Holidays Old Articles Student Life April 12, 2016

Tout predicts that the hardest stretch of his Monday afternoon will occur roughly around 20 beers into the drinking marathon, which is widely referred to as the infamous “Heart Failure Hill.”

Econ Major Is Basically In CSOM, Okay?

Old Articles School March 29, 2016

NOT FULTON — Sitting in Devlin 008 during Environmental Geoscience and updating his resume and LinkedIn profile while searching for summer internships on Wall Street, sophomore Devin Gattison (MCAS ‘18) firmly reminded himself that he’s basically in CSOM, okay? Gattison, who deeply regrets not applying to be in CSOM... Read more

Noble Students Embarking On Personal Service Trips Over Spring Break

Old Articles Service March 4, 2016

LOGAN AIRPORT — With adulthood looming just around the corner, many of Boston College’s seniors plan to spend their Spring Breaks on “personal service trips” to Punta Cana. Sources confirm that seniors embark on these weeklong trips as a last-ditch effort to adhere to the traditional college experience. These... Read more

Juniors Desperately Praying To Live In Cramped Shithole

Old Articles Student Life February 29, 2016

“I want to do terrible things inside that tiny domicile that I will not be able to get away with in the real world, when my JP Morgan internship inevitably turns into a full-time offer!”

After Raising $1.5 Billion, Leahy Still Waiting for a Couple Assholes to Venmo Him

Jesuits Old Articles January 19, 2016

ST. MARY’S HALL—Boston College made fundraising history this week with the completion of its “Light The World” campaign, successfully pulling in $1.5 billion dollars (a stunning 4% of Harvard’s endowment). Unfortunately, Fr. William P. Leahy, SJ is dissatisfied with the effort and reportedly still waiting for “a couple asshole... Read more

Students, Clocks Become One During 48 Hours

Freshmen Old Articles Student Life November 24, 2015

NEWPORT, RI — Nestled among the scenic shops and mansions of Newport, Rhode Island, freshmen and senior mentors recently spent 48 Hours becoming one with the passage of time. The two-day retreat opened with the first hour, reported students. Then the next few hours passed. Students noted they initially... Read more

BC To Implement Safe Space for Conservative Students

Old Articles Student Life November 12, 2015

REAL AMERICA — Much to the dismay campus conservatives, “PC Culture” has been plaguing colleges across the country, most recently at Yale. This sea change in campus climate has brought tense discussions on privilege, race, gender, sexual preference and identity, and socioeconomic brackets to the forefront of the national... Read more

“Going off of that” Plagues Discussion-Based Courses

Old Articles School September 30, 2015

Heated academic discussions are found in classrooms throughout Boston College at any time of the day, but seemingly more so in history courses than anywhere else. The logic behind this basically assumes that nothing is more debatable in modern academics than historical facts. With levels of confidence among students... Read more

Lynch Sophomore Hoping for 4 Gold Stars on Final; Would Settle for 3

Old Articles School Student Life May 5, 2015

With an important final exam season quickly approaching, Kelly O’Connor (LSOE ‘17) is buckling down for the last stretch of her studies. O’Connor emphasized that her entire semester grades were riding on her Family, School, & Society final exam: If she averages 4 gold stars on her final, then... Read more

Carney Hall Files Divorce Proceedings with Boston College

Big Issues Old Articles March 30, 2015

In a move long-expected since the completion of Stokes Hall in 2013, Carney Hall announced today its intent to go ahead with filing its divorce papers in the Middlesex County Divorce Court with Boston College, its partner in matrimony since 1963. Citing only at first “irreconcilable differences,” later questioning... Read more