The New England Classic
Kid Uses Word “Naïveté” In Paper, Still Gets a B

Kid Uses Word “Naïveté” In Paper, Still Gets a B

School March 26, 2021 The New England Classic

CAMPION HALL — The normally mundane process of handing back graded papers in an upper-level philosophy class took a dramatic turn on Thursday when... Kid Uses Word “Naïveté” In Paper, Still Gets a B

CAMPION HALL — The normally mundane process of handing back graded papers in an upper-level philosophy class took a dramatic turn on Thursday when Alex Eacon (MCAS ’22) received his third consecutive B on a paper — in spite of the fact that he had incorporated the word “naïveté” into his draft.

Classmates reported that Eacon, upon receiving his paper while on the way out of the classroom, plopped “melodramatically” down in a seat, and he was described as spending at least five minutes flipping through the comments on his paper with an exaggerated look of disbelief on his face.

When reached out to by the Classic to describe the situation, Eacon very much did not mince words.

“It is discernibly partisan that this assigned treatise was evaluated poorly — on the tertiary submission, notwithstanding!” Eacon said. “Verily, I merit a more preponderant mark than the aforementioned, the impetus applied to this commission having been, at the least, tantamount to its predecessors!”

But not everyone agreed that his less-than-perfect grade was unfair.

“The guy never shuts up in class, and he obviously doesn’t really have a good grasp on what we’re talking about, so I’m sure his paper wasn’t great,” said junior Hannah Lin, who is also in the class. “Honestly, he probably deserved a worse grade just for wasting so much of our time every week.”

The Classic also reached out to the professor of the philosophy course, who agreed to comment anonymously because of federal law surrounding discussion of students’ grades, but mostly because she didn’t want her name associated “with that douchebag.”

“Look, Alex earned the grade he got because his argument wasn’t perfect, but it also wasn’t bad,” the professor said. “No matter how many times he uses the word ‘naïveté’ in his papers, that won’t fix the main problem, especially because he obviously thinks it means ‘humor’ or something.”

She continued, “This is a class on symbolic logic. I don’t even know why you need to talk about naïveté in a paper on logic.”

At press time, Eacon was pulling up a presentation for one of his other classes while sharing his screen, but accidentally revealed that he had 27 different tabs open to Thesaurus.com in his browser.