The New England Classic
Kid Farts
COMMONWEALTH AVENUE — According to several witnesses, Jaymes Bennington (LSOE ’20), farted on the Commonwealth Avenue bus at approximately 11:40 PM Thursday, January 17th.... Kid Farts

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE — According to several witnesses, Jaymes Bennington (LSOE ’20), farted on the Commonwealth Avenue bus at approximately 11:40 PM Thursday, January 17th.

One witness described a disturbing rumble coming from the rear stairwell after several riders entered the bus at the Reservoir stop. Although unidentified at the time of the incident, Bennington allegedly proceeded to engage in an episode of unrestrained flatulence, which caused several riders to burst out in uproarious laughter, and caused two other riders to vomit, which resulted in the driver throwing them off the bus.

One of the women thrown off the bus for vomiting, who wishes to remain anonymous, stated, “I grew up with three older brothers, and I was well-acquainted with their trouser coughs. But I was completely unprepared for this bunghole blowout.”

Boston College Transportation and Parking Services (BCTPS) refused to comment on the incident directly, but say that future plans for the bus service include adding “No Smoking” signs inside, as well as informing students via an email campaign that brawling, exhibitionism, and urination are considered inappropriate behavior while riding the shuttle.

“Within seconds the whole rear of the bus smelled like an O’Neill bathroom after everyone’s been given that free coffee from finals week,” said Fred Allabaster (A&S ’20). “If you’re going to have eggs for lunch please don’t spend your Thursday afternoon drinking stale Busch at Mary Ann’s, thanks. I did laugh my ass off though.”

There has been much recent controversy regarding student conduct on BC’s buses, but little apparent enforcement. Will a BC student have to moon a passing cop car before anything will be done about this campus epidemic of transportation lawlessness?