Uh Oh! It’s Dark Outside And Now All My Friends Hate Me!
Student Life November 9, 2026 The New England Classic
MODULAR APARTMENTS — With temperatures remaining low and leaf blower activity reaching a mid-November peak, UCS, themselves struggling with capitalization, has reported record high admittances for “SAD.” This is a universal truth across campus, whether you live in Hardey Hall or Strip Mod, and is a prime example of how even aura cannot protect you from the harsh truths of the winter.
In order to examine this phenomenon on campus, our staff at The New England Classic interviewed several students around the Mods, after having attempted to find students in the Rec Center to no avail.
Samuel A. Dih, who has been left on delivered by his roommates for 30 minutes (due to the fact that all 5 of them have been comatose since the clock struck 3), lamented, “it’s just so dark and I feel so alone. Maybe because I’m alone and also it’s so dark. I haven’t even jorked it in 9 days.”
Dih brings up the additionally chilling factor of No Nut November so quickly coinciding with the changing clocks. To make matters worse, he is a proud member of the Boston College Republicans, so therefore he is also drowning in a wave of the blues.
This storm of bummers additionally poses cascading threats to the Boston College community. Reduced party enthusiasm has been seen across all dorms, most notably in Kostka, Walsh, and St. Mary’s Hall. BCPD officers mourn a lack of drunk freshmen to put in handcuffs, whereas local taco bells have seen a 14% decrease in late-night doordashes. UberEats remains steady.
Our staff urges you, in this difficult time, to remain steadfast to what is constant. You are the worst person who has ever lived, and not only do your friends hate you, but you hate yourself.
