LTE: All Good Deeds Are Inherently Selfish

CANCÚN — As I lay by the pool basking in the beaming rays of  tropical sunlight in the Gulf of Mexico I can not help but wonder how our friends in the Appalachian Volunteers Program are doing. They ridicule Spring Breakers for engaging in “self-service” but are we not all engaging in self-service? As the great 17th-century philosopher Thomas Hobbes once postulated, “of the voluntary acts of every man, the object is some good to himself.”

Some, such as myself, gain great gratification from downing Coronas and daiquiris while beaching like a whale and others receive great gratification from supporting underserved communities and building homes. At the end of the day are we not just serving ourselves? I over serve myself in alcohol and you over serve yourself in the reception of gratitude and acknowledgement, are we both not drunk? We are both drunk. 

As I feel the warm embrace of the water at the foam pool party I imagine this is similar to the hugs you receive from those you are serving. You may think I am a huge piece of shit and maybe I am, but one can not serve others if they do not serve themselves first. When we make small talk next year at the Goldman Sachs Holiday party you will have to listen to me gloat about how I met my future wife at the Coco Bongo night club. You won’t meet her though. She goes to another school.

Do you feel as selfish as I do? Because you should. The service of others is in reality just a service of yourself. And yeah maybe your trip was life changing, but so was mine. I have an aversion to rum now and that’s really changed my perspective on things. In the end, we are both going to have the same experience, so why not come down to the Gulf and enjoy some beaches, booze, and babes.

At press time, the writer was seen covered in strawberry daiquiri after a drink was thrown in his face. 

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