Well-Intentioned Douchebag Kinda Wishes He Went On Appa Instead Of Drinking For 7 Days
RUBENSTEIN HALL — Returning to campus Sunday afternoon, senior Joe McCaffery reflected on his week-long spring break vacation to Punta Cana. His vacation included drinking by the pool, lounging on the beach while drinking, and staring into his drink after losing money at the casino.
Though he “straight up had a good time,” he appeared deflated and exhausted.
“Spring break was sick and all, but I feel like I should have done something productive with that time,” said McCaffery, while nursing Pedialyte and throwing handfuls of Advil into his mouth. “We just kept going out night after night until 4 AM, hammering the blackjack tables and vodka sodas. It might have been chill to help out those poor people on Appa or some shit. Poverty sounds like it sucks.”
McCaffery has yet to commit himself to any community service initiative during his time at BC. Taking the bus to his 4Boston placement was “such a fucking bitch” that he quit only a week after joining, and he thought about joining BC Bigs before he realized that he had to come up with activities to entertain his little brother.
“It’s the thought that counts, right?” asked McCaffery, while emailing to be removed from the Appa listserv.
At press time, McCaffery was seen flipping off people asking for Arrupe donations inside of Lower.