Student That Took Perspectives, Went On Appa, Arrupe, And Kairos, Then Studied Abroad Has Changed So Much They Exist In The Fourth Dimension Without A Physical Form

IGNACIO HALL — As students across campus are returning from their spring break service trips and preparing to re-enter the daily grind of college life, one senior is notably missing from his dorm. Jesús Christopher (MCAS ’18) was supposed to have returned Saturday from a trip to Whitesburgh, West Virginia with the Appalachian Volunteers, but he was nowhere to be found.

Instead, his roommates only found a massive figure of pure energy in the shape of the Kairos cross in his room.

Roommates saw changes begin in Christopher way back in freshman year when he took the “men and women oriented in freedom towards transcendence” part of the Perspectives program mission statement literally.

“He would meditate in the middle of our forced triple and just start to float in the air,” said Jon Osterman (MCAS ’18), one of Christopher’s freshman roommates. “Now I’m pretty sure he’s omnipotent.”

Brandon Stockton (CSOM ’21), one of the participants on Christopher’s Appa trip, said he would regularly begin to glow white and teleport around the room during nightly reflection.

“I think it’s pretty cool that someone could go from putting up drywall to manipulating the laws of time and space all in the same week,” said Stockton.

A roommate tried to jog his memory by asking if he could remember the taste of a croissant he would get every day from a local Parisian bakery, which he used to brag was “way better than anything here in the states.” 

Without even being asked, a disembodied voice bellowed around the room declaring, “In my previous form I once enjoyed the simple pleasure of the taste of food. Now I feel everything and nothing at the same time.”

One would expect a man with such strong Jesuit values to potentially consider a year of service after graduation in a program like the Peace Corps, but when asked about his post-grad plans, a voice echoed, “Time is meaningless to me. I have moved beyond differentiating the past, present, and future.”

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