The New England Classic
Leahy Sends APPA Students To Camp Green Lake To Search For Oil

“This week you will have one task: Holes. You’ll be digging up as many holes as you can. No breaks and no water unless you can find something for me. Something golden and rich. Something oily…”.

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Arrupe Volunteer Gave Me A Wedgie And Stole My Lunch Money

Shrouded in the mystique of do-goodery and philanthropy, these “arrupites,” as The Classic calls them, greet hungry students with puppy eyes, outstretched palms, and wide open pockets. Arrupe is their name and greed is their game.

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BC Sends Students To Stonehenge To “Figure It Out”

“We’re kind of curious on, like, how they did it. They didn’t have cranes then, to my knowledge, so they must have used their hands. Now for those back home, these things are heavy–big rocks,” said “Little” Lisa Thorax (LSOE ’22) over zoom. “We were collected by the president–BC wanted their best applied psych majors, to apply our psych.”

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Going Baby On Baby? Nursing Student Helps Deliver Twins
LONGWOOD MEDICAL AREA — Anna Dababski (CSON ’22), a junior on clinical rotation with the OB/GYN department of Brigham and Women’s Hospital, played a crucial role last Thursday in aiding a mother through the birth of her first born baby. As it turned out, however, there was another one... Read more
Welles Crowther 5K To Be Held Over Wii Fit

The run’s organizers are also taking aggressive steps to prevent runners from simply shaking the Wiimote up and down. All participants are required to install Proctorio, the test-proctoring software, onto the Wii that they will be using, which will track their movements using the Wii’s sensor bar.

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Fuck Yeah: Kid In Your APPA Group Brought Her Dab Pen
PARKERSBERG, WEST VIRGINIA — Students in APPA group #42 have taken a break from building houses for the impoverished to get REALLY high in the mountains of Appalachia. “Dabs with the bros are what make this experience so worthwhile,” said Eleanor Restucci (CSOM ‘21), referring to her G-Slim 2800... Read more
Appa Group #24 Placed At Schiller Institute

To ensure that the group would be able to work on the site, construction of the Schiller Institute has been officially registered as a Habitat for Humanity site, and will likely make use of hundreds of plucky volunteers until its anticipated opening in 2021.

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Student Asks Class Facebook Group If Anyone Wants Anything From CVS
CLEVELAND CIRCLE — Local samaritan Katie Rollhouse (LSOE ’21) posted an offer on the Official Boston College Class of 2021 Facebook group to pick up any items people might need from CVS. Since being published, the post has received a staggering number of “wow” and “angry” reacts — along... Read more
Well-Intentioned Douchebag Kinda Wishes He Went On Appa Instead Of Drinking For 7 Days
RUBENSTEIN HALL — Returning to campus Sunday afternoon, senior Joe McCaffery reflected on his week-long spring break vacation to Punta Cana. His vacation included drinking by the pool, lounging on the beach while drinking, and staring into his drink after losing money at the casino. Though he “straight up... Read more
Student Tour Guide Also Walks Backwards To Class
GASSON QUAD — A number of Boston College students reported feelings of bewilderment Monday morning  when Student Admission Program tour guide Devon Lin (MCAS ‘19) was seen walking backwards to class. “It was crazy,” said eyewitness sophomore Stewart Dent. “He traversed the entire campus without even looking behind him.... Read more