Man Cooks Up ALC Showdown Parlay Following Tragic March Madness Bracket Loss

CONTE FORUM— With the end of March Madness, Boston College’s tragic hockey season, and a lack of football to obsess over, many Boston College sports fans are turning to alternative options for their hyperfixation, attention, and financial crises. In a never-before-seen statistical trend, the majority of ALC Showdown ticket holders are first-time attendees, loyal Gold Pass users, and predominantly male. 

Perplexed and concerned, our staff at the Classic took to the streets to investigate the phenomenon. Dan Swatcher (CSOM ‘26) offered some insight on the dilemma, explaining that he had initially bought his Showdown ticket because he had clicked the wrong button on the Robsham Box Office website attempting to secure a Celtics ticket. 

However, once he realized his mistake and discussed the issue with the boys (many of whom had made the same mistake) Swatcher realized that he could use the event to quench his thirst for competition and fuel his ever-present gambling addiction. Swatcher explained, “Lots of the boys were down for the idea, I mean there’s so much to bet on, and I’ve heard the dance chicks are pretty hot too so like win-win.” 

In anticipation of the event, we have curated a list of the 5 most popular parlays set on the event. Additionally, some students are putting in bets using Residential Dining Dollars, a popular option for upperclassmen trying to burn money and freshmen who are eating out of the trash after having burnt through their funds on CorePower. 

1. BCID performs to a Chappell Roan song (double if the set design involves the color green)
2. Fuego del Corazon and VIP fight (triple if it lasts longer than 5 minutes)
3. 10 people fall down during a lift
4. Explosive diarrhea incident 
5. BC Full Swing does something sexual on stage (double if it happens more than once)

The BC dance community is excited by the new influx of support. However, they are apprehensive about diarrhea-related sabotage. 

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