Five Things To Talk About Now That The Election Is Over, And They’re All The Rat Line
1) The Rat Line
I mean, Jesus Christ. The Rat used to MEAN SOMETHING, for pete’s sake. Remind your friends and loved ones how miserable a metaphor the Rat has become for our whole new way of life. The Rat is, as it has always been, the center of the universe. Waiting, waiting, waiting, never getting any closer. People standing entirely too close to each other. Cold meatballs. This abomination is an automatic conversation starter!
2) The Rat Line (Option 2)
Oh, the kid working the meatball subs was in your orientation group? Cool! You’ll love avoiding eye contact with him for each of the 17 minutes it takes you to weave your way to the front. Oh, what’s that? You wanted to grab a Jell-O™ cup? Too bad, Jack, you got in the wrong line! You can have a little tiny hummus cup without bread, or maybe some insanely soft grapes, though. Remember paninis?
3) The Rat Line (Option 3)
Remember traveling? Do you miss that feeling of waiting in line at airport security, wondering when it would finally be your turn for a full cavity search? We can all get that blissful feeling back, simply by taking a wheely backpack to the Rat!
4) The fact that even though Biden won, we still live in a country where nearly half of the population voted for Trump, and he received more votes than any Republican candidate in American history.
Haha, just kidding! We suggest discussing the equally controversial issue of how fucked up the rat line system is instead!
5) The Rat Line (Option 4)
The perfect place to take a long, reflective stroll after a hard day. No need to meditatively walk that Bapst labyrinth thing, just hop in the rat line and let your worries fade away. You don’t need a cool place to see your friends. You don’t need a lively dining hall to get your work done. You don’t need to run into people you know and make charming small talk, reminiscing about last weekend. No thoughts. Head empty. Hot Dog.